Up here in Canada, when our groundhog came out of its burrow in February four years ago, he saw a shadow so long and wide he went back into his den and still hasn’t come out. He saw Donald Trump’s election win coming but I sure didn’t. I’ve been living in a twilight zone ever since. I mark my life before and after The Donald’s win.
Sometimes I wish that groundhog had room for me. Since COVID-19 hit I have had more reason than ever to join him. Instead, when Twitter asked our wall-less nation to the north, “Hashtag, what are #CanadiansIn3Words,” I tweeted:
#CoronavirusUnitesUs!
Compared to the US, our response in Canada is a case study in political civility. Yet the self-described “stable genius,” Trump, has called Canada “a massively long piece” with a “catastrophic” health system. Hardly, our groundhog knows a good health care system when he sees one and he won’t be moving down south anytime soon. Maybe I didn’t see Trump’s win coming because my head and heart were burrowed in #realnews! Regardless, my homonymous alter ego to the south has been a part of my life for some time.
Almost two decades ago, I actually visited Trump Tower. I remember like it was yesterday going down that now-famous escalator exclaiming to my partner, “This is ‘The Art of the Deal’?! Let’s go to Tiffany’s, Maurice.”
Another time I was in New York to give a speech at ARIA’s inaugural “A Night to Heal” event. They booked us at The University Club of New York, a private social club located at 1 West 54th Street at Fifth Avenue in Manhattan. I remember the clerk stated proudly, “Hillary Clinton has stayed here. Only a three-minute walk to Trump Tower!” Talk about six ominous degrees of separation!
When I joined Twitter 10 years ago, way before Trump officially announced his political intentions, I had to decide on a handle. As we have seen, Twitter has become one of The Donald’s favourite means of “communicating.” As if I tapped into a crystal ball, I thought, I am the antithesis of all things Donald Trump so it’s @TheDonaldNorth for me!
Then in 2015, this very week in May, we went back to New York to see Helen Mirren as The Queen in The Audience and Maurice elbows me to look to my right. Hillary Rodham Clinton and President Clinton were in our fifth row. (See pics.) Hillary was treated like royalty. This was a sign, I thought. Maurice even said, “I think we are in the presence of two presidents.” I shot him a puzzled look. He added, “Well, eventually.”
Where was that groundhog when I needed him?
Finally, my connection to that upcoming, momentous vote was so strong that just twelve days before that November 8 night in 2016, my friend Richard and I went out for Halloween to The Rocky Horror Show musical dressed as Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton.
This Donald went as the orange one. What an experience – me doing “straight drag”! My line was, “I wanted to know what it would be like to be a *&#@! grabber for 24 hours.” I brought a blow-up doll and wore a real Trump tie “made in China”.
We first went to a Hardware store contest and won first place! Inspired, we stopped at our bank (as the tellers had said stop by and show us your outfits) and as we walked in, I said, “Hi, it’s Donald!” forgetting I was wearing a “Donald” mask! Everyone freaked out including the customers! As we waved, everyone backed up. When I started to take off my mask, pandemonium broke loose. “No, we’re Donald & Richard! Oh you thought we were–You said you wanted to see our outfits!” Their collective sigh of relief was audible.
We knew we looked good but not THAT good! [In my memoir, Father’s Touch, I mention wanting to be a Bonnie & Clyde figure. That moment was as close as I’ve ever gotten!]
As we walked to the theatre, our masks covered our entire head so we could hardly see where we were going and my sidekick Hillary couldn’t hear a sound. I told Richard, “I’ll be a bully and push you around. Keep your one hand to your side, legs close together, and just wave with the other. You’ll look more like a woman.” That sounds sexist because I was getting into my Trump character.
We were so realistic, we stopped traffic. But Richard couldn’t see the stoplight, didn’t hear me yelling stop, somehow wandered, waving far ahead of me. People thought Trump was stalking Hillary (art imitating life?) and honking away giving Hillary high fives and me dirty looks!
Oh what a night. So many laughs. I was on an incredible high.
Another sign, I thought! Hillary is a shoe in to win. Our groundhog doesn’t know anything.
Twelve days later, I had tears in my eyes before the first vote was even cast.
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Photos courtesy of the author