The strongest marriages are the ones that can take on adversity, grow through it, and turn it into triumph.
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When we take our vows at the altar to do whatever it takes to love and to cherish our spouses, do we really understand the significance of the phrase, “whatever it takes?” All too often, marriages crumble to pieces because couples figure that it is easier to grow apart than it is to grow together.
These types of issues can cause pain and discouragement, and often make us feel empty.
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The strongest marriages are the ones that can take on adversity, grow through it, and turn it into triumph. Although mistakes are made all the time, it’s the significant ones that can hurt our marriages beyond repair. It is my goal to encourage you to open your eyes, look within, and identify areas that may need some work. This is the biggest mistake I made that nearly destroyed my marriage.
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Not dealing with inner brokenness.
There are many things that can break our spirit. One thing that we can all come to understand is that there is something that is holding us back. Whether it be a traumatic experience, growing up without a father in our lives, seeing our parents being unfaithful to each other, or even losing a job. These types of issues can cause pain and discouragement, and often make us feel empty.
For myself, I lost one of my older brothers to a car accident on November 4, 1989. My older sister died from a blood clot to her lungs after having her third baby on June 10, 1992. My mother and my father died within three months of each other in 2007. Then, I lost my other brother on September 17, 2013. Can you say brokenness?
Breaking free from these things can be hard. We can choose to ignore these issues, or we can stand up and fight them head on. We act out our pain, but when it is time to reveal what is behind our pain, we shrivel up and hide in a corner. Hiding is not the answer, even though it may feel like the best thing to do at the time.
I had the tendency to run from the pain. I would drink alcohol to soothe it. With the drinking, came the arguments. I was creating a cycle of destruction in my marriage, and there was no light at the end of the tunnel.
When not properly dealt with, these issues can cause pain and scarring, and rise our defense mechanisms within our mind and heart. All of these issues can severely hurt or cripple a marriage. So how do we deal with any or all of these issues?
I will be candid when I say; it is not easy to do.
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The healing process for brokenness begins when we can fully admit that there are issues that need to be dealt with. Stepping out of our old shell can be the best thing that can happen in our lives and, subsequently, for our marriages. If we can exert as much energy into creating healing, as we have in holding back our feelings and brokenness, it can be done. The best part about it is we are not alone.
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Once I broke down to my wife, my breakthrough started. I will be candid when I say; it is not easy to do. My ego was challenging me. My pride said I had it all under control. But I knew that if it wasn’t dealt with, there would be no marriage. My marriage was too important. I wanted to be a positive statistic and say that I was married once, not be a statistic of divorce.
Many people deal with things differently, I get that. The key is to, at the very least, deal with it. Don’t suppress old feelings or emotions, it can only hurt you in the end. Do “whatever it takes.” You will be glad you did.
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Photo: Flickr/ BK
How did you handle to cognitive dissonance that men feel of their wife wanting that dominant male ‘stud’ and showing that you can’t be that all the time.
Dial,
I think the key is just to be honest, first with yourself and then with your wife. We are all flawed and it’s important that we can convey that and be transparent. We are all broken in some areas.
Jake
Oh well … Thumbs up my friend!
Thank you Tom