Life is not easy. Along the way, everyone has experienced a lot of loneliness, grievances, and sadness.
Sometimes people harbor secrets they think cannot be mentioned, even in front of the closest people.
This is more evident in men.
In relationships, women are generally the more emotional ones. When encountering troubles, they prefer to talk to people close to them, or find a place where they feel safe and can cry and vent.
When a man encounters difficulties, he is more inclined to digest them by himself and bear them alone.
Not talking does not mean not loving.
The more a man loves you, the less he wants you to know these three secrets.
01 His sad past
Everyone has some sad memories hidden in their hearts.
Or a person working hard in a different place, alone and helpless during the New Year holidays; or work is not going well, being criticized by the leader, and crying secretly at home, all of these are things men will experience.
After being together, you sometimes wonder how he survived those difficult days.
Most of the men who love you just laugh it off and tell you that it’s no big deal. Now that they can be with you, no matter how much hardship they suffered at the beginning, it’s worth it.
He just may not want to talk about it. It’s not that he wants to hide from you, but he wants to be a man you can rely on, and he doesn’t want you to see the fragile self in the past.
Everyone will have a past, and because of those experiences, they have slowly moved toward who they are today. It is also because of these experiences that we know better who is worth dating and who is worth loving.
A man might believe in his heart that when you are together, what you want is the present and the future. Those past experiences, whether good or bad, should remain in the past.
If he doesn’t want to talk about the past, it may help to remember that your happiness lies not in yesterday, but in every today and tomorrow.
02 Work pressure
There is a saying: career is the backbone of a man, without a career, no matter how good the relationship is, there is no sense of security.
But what if that very sense of security comes at the cost of ongoing pressure?
In fact, the greater the responsibility, the greater the pressure. And no one can guarantee that their career will be smooth sailing, and they will always encounter troughs and various difficulties.
When this happens, you may find that, after returning home, although the person still has a smile on his face, he can’t hide the tiredness in his body.
You asked him, but he didn’t say anything, just telling you not to worry, he can handle it himself.
I can understand that women are sometimes really helpless about this feeling of ignorance. You want to help men share some pressure, but they have long been taught to keep things in their hearts and bear it alone.
The reason is also very simple. First, men generally want to be strong, and they often don’t want to show vulnerability in front of the woman they love. Second, they don’t want you to worry about them. They are afraid that you will become stressed after you know it, and they will blame themselves even more.
The more a man loves you, the less he will bring home the hardships and grievances he has suffered outside. Because no matter how many grievances he has experienced and how difficult his career is, he wants to bear it all.
Since he promised to help create a stable life for the two of you, he is willing to do his best for the rest of his life. A man who loves you like this must be cherished.
03 Sacrifices and changes for you
American writer O. Henry wrote such a story.
Christmas is coming, a couple wants to give each other a Christmas gift.
Jim is a small employee, and his salary can only support the family. Della is a virtuous and kind housewife with no income.
Although they live in poverty, each of them has the same precious treasure.
Jim has an heirloom gold watch and Della has beautiful cascading hair.
Jim sold his gold watch and bought his wife a set of combs “made of pure tortoiseshell with jeweled sides” to give each other a present at Christmas; Della sold her long and bought a platinum watch chain for her husband.
On Christmas Eve, when the two took out the presents, they realized that the carefully selected things were useless to their lovers.
Almost all sacrifices in the world require equal returns, except for loving someone.
A hypocritical person, if he does something for you a little bit, he hopes that the people around you will know, tell you not to be ungrateful, remember every bit of his kindness, and repay him with love thousands of times greater than him.
If a person loves you, they will give for you willingly, regardless of what they get in return.
They will not keep taking credit for doing something for you, and they will even deliberately hide the sacrifices and changes they have made for you.
There is a saying: “A man’s affection is often silent.”
A man who truly loves you will never take credit for how much he has paid for you; he will not let you worry about any difficulties he encounters; he will often keep silent about things that make you worry about him.
All of these are just because they love you too much, and what they want to give you is carefree happiness, so they silently hide all the things that may make you uncomfortable.
For the rest of your life, I hope you can understand the deep affection in a man’s “silence”, cherish the person who loves you “with heart”, and live a happy life.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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