It’s been almost two months since I’ve published anything on this platform, but if I don’t put something out into the world before tomorrow — I am going to pop!
Next week, my final (hopefully) Status Conference for my ongoing divorce is rapidly approaching.
It’s been a long two years; I’m feelin’ like I’m healin’, and it’s rather appealin’. In the name of all that is unguarded and sincere, I’d like to share something with you: Last week, I watched the “9 Warning Signs of Severe Depression,” and checked every box on the list but one (maybe). So, I am not yanking your chain when I say this is the hardest listicle in the history of divorce for me to write. But I’m going to do it — for my kids. Because a healthy healed me means a happier, whole mom.
I want that.
. . .
- (Way) more (uninterrupted) time to do the things I love: write, workout, play my guitar, etc.
- Catch up on laundry.
- Less anxiety about my weekly routine because I’m only responsible for half the school runs.
- More quiet time to heal and think of new ways to be the best mom I can be.
- Grocery (Costco, yay!) hauls sans kids.
- More availability for blood-and-guts therapy sessions.
- More time for solid self-care sessions and to think about what the hell I’m doing with my life.
- More time to go out with friends.
- I stopped taking responsibility for other people (besides my kids).
- Book Spartan Race weekend getaways (free as a fit bird — #workingonit).
- Getting to ‘call it a night’ early and not physically having to worry about anyone but myself in those moments.
- Distracting myself with academia and maintaining a 4.0 GPA (it took a high-conflict divorce for me to do well in school finally, and I’m okay with that; I have to be).
- Seeing how much my kids have grown and what beautiful people they are growing up to be after a week of being away from them.
- More time to put me first, catch my breath, and think about what I need.
- The way I am bursting at the seams with love, affection, and attention for them when they come back home.
. . .
This piece was initially titled “50 Positive Things About 50/50 Custody.” Needless to say, it took me all weekend to come up with fifteen of them. However, writing this listicle has made me feel much better about life and moving forward one somewhat-heavy step at a time. My hope for anyone currently in the dissolution trenches is that reading this list helps you see there is light at the end of the dark divorce tunnel.
Divorce sucks; not being with my kids fifty percent of the time sucks; there is no way out or around it.
This is me, two years later, accepting my life for the way it is now — not how it used to be.
I am ready for closure. Whatever the ending may be.
Thank you for reading! ❤
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This post was previously published on Being Known.
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