Empathy, aggression and the One Rule for Boys.
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To give him some credit, he probably had the thought a long time ago, but I said it first publicly. That’s got to count for something, right?
According to UK’s The Independent, Stephen Hawking, the inspiration for the Academy Award winning movie, “The Theory of Everything,” spoke at the Science Museum in London while he was giving a tour to Adaeze Uyanwah, a Californian who won a contest to have celebrities show her the London sights.
First of all, how cool is it that Stephen Hawking is considered a celebrity in London? Even though Neil DeGrasse Tyson, like Carl Sagan before him, is gaining popularity for his nerdy, scientific approach, most people in the U.S. would hardly call him a celebrity. Nor would most Americans be all that interested in taking a tour of London with him.
But back to my main point: Professor Hawking was speaking at the Science Museum when Ms. Uyanwah asked him what human traits he thinks should be emphasized.
His first response? Empathy.
He said, “The quality I would most like to magnify is empathy. It brings us together in a peaceful, loving state.”
Professor Hawking also discussed the opposite of empathy—human aggression, stating, “It may have had survival advantage in caveman days, to get more food, territory, or a partner with whom to reproduce, but now it threatens to destroy us all.”
This is what I have been saying, too! In my book, “The One Rule For Boys,” I argue that empathic boys have amazing advantages over their non-empathic peers. Women figured this out a long time ago, and they are starting to reap the benefits—girls are doing better than boys in school, more women are graduating from college than men, and more women are entering the workforce than ever before. If we want our boys to compete, they need to learn this same basic survival skill.
Empathy is a skill that can be developed. Just about anyone can learn it. Rather than an emotional state, empathy is the intellectual ability to understand why people do the things they do and why they feel the way they feel. I cover all of this in my book, and I provide step-by-step instructions for teaching empathy skills to boys. I even include sample phrases to use if you find yourself at a loss for words.
I also outline research demonstrating the power of empathy. Boys who are empathic get better grades. They are happier. They have more friends. They stand up to bullies. They get into college. They get better jobs. They are in healthier romantic relationships. They are seen as leaders who are able to assert themselves in highly effective ways. And they accomplish all of this while being less aggressive than their non-empathic counterparts.
So, yes, once again Stephen Hawking is right. Empathy can bring people together in a peaceful, loving state, and it can combat the negative forces of aggression at play in the world. I know he is right because I have reviewed the research, and I have seen empathy in action in countless boys’ lives.
I have a long way to go before my life’s work is movie-worthy. But, I am proud to say, in this one instant, I was slightly ahead of one of the smartest people on the planet. I have to bask in the moment, because it probably won’t happen again.
Photo: Sean MacEntee/Flickr
I agree with you on this. The cave days are over and other skills to navigate this world of today are needed. For boys and men, empathy and communication etc, the more feminine traits, which i prefer to call humane traits. For boy training i think at least a balanced training of aggression control as well as empathy. Girls to i suppose but this culture already assumes that in girls. Based on observation i think aggression control in girls is not as real as one thinks today. This culture so strongly continues to encourage cave man training for boys that… Read more »