If you Google “how to make a woman fall for you”. You won’t have a good time.
All you’ll get will be mostly half-baked truths.
If what I’m saying doesn’t sound clear yet, these few examples will give you a clearer picture of what I’m talking about:
“Work on yourself & have your own life,”
This used to be the biggest deal for me.
But it’s laughable to be a personal development junkie just to make women like me more.
I can’t count how many times I’ve lost the opportunity to land romantic relationships with a few women for guys who, to me, have nothing to live for.
(Yeah, inspired by my obsession with self-improvement, someone who’s got no element, passion, working in a job he hates, or has no job at all, just has nothing to live for.)
I was doing whatever I was doing to be better for the wrong reason.
All the hard work, the books, the videos, etc, were all coming from a wrong belief that by becoming my better self, women will drool over me. Ridiculous, now I know.
You want to become a better person by working on yourself. Not just because it’s another game to get a woman to turn her head twice for you.
“Befriend her in the closest possible way,”
The very best relationships are built on a firm foundation of friendship. Hence, by befriending someone you’re attracted to, you might stand a chance of making her yours.
But sometimes, some men make the mistake of trying to “friend” their way into a romance with women they’re attracted to.
And they often end up as “just friends” to the women they’re trying to win by befriending.
They take the idea of befriending in the closest way too far. That they pretend they want friendship and shy away from showing their romantic interest.
They shy away from flirting and wait too long to show their romantic interest and doing so seems just weird.
The next piece of advice is worse.
“Be nice and chivalrous,”
I’ve forgotten where I heard it.
But I kind of think it’s somehow related to the reason they’re a lot of inauthentic nice guys waiting to “finish last” in the race of gaining the approval, acceptance, and affection of women.
Being kind, nice, or whatever to women that you even try to use it to weasel your way into attraction won’t make you finish any race. Because there’s no race. Attraction and romantic affection aren’t something to compete for.
Yeah, I said that. Because if you quit viewing things through this lens, your love and dating life will be 10x easier.
See, if there’s any race to compete in or finish. It should be nothing but being your most authentic, confident, and best self. Know this, know peace.
Being nice and kind to women isn’t bad. Because being a jerk or an asshole won’t get you any farther, too. But I’m all against the idea of using it to buy a woman’s love and affection. Because it’s one of the worst ways to “make a woman fall for you.”
“Don’t make yourself too available,”
Okay, I get this. It comes from a good place. At least it suggests that one shouldn’t let a dating prospect take him for granted.
My problem with this is that the same people advising you not to make yourself too available. Are the same people telling you to give a woman all your attention, be there for her whenever she needs you, etc.
All of them are great ideas, but they are also kind of conflicting. And of their own, won’t make a woman fall for you.
Maybe the problem is not this advice. But the idea that you can make someone fall in love with you.
Making a lot of otherwise eminent men focus all their energy on adding to their personalities and on what they need to do. And even be to get women to fall head over heels in love with them.
When they should bank on what they already are.
Because in all honesty, it’s this singular idea (of making someone like you) and people spreading them that are nudging men into behaviors that are nothing but acts of neediness, desperation, and low investment in themselves.
Specifically, because of this kind of advice, a lot of men go beyond using niceness as armor to win the love of a love interest. To trying to be someone they aren’t and even trade their self-respect just to be loved and accepted by women. It’s just sad.
That’s why in my opinion …
The Only True Way To Make A Woman Fall In Love With You…
Is by doing the quite opposite. Not trying to make someone fall in love with you.
Sounds counterintuitive, I know. But like earlier mentioned. Trying so hard to make someone like or love you is different from attracting and winning over love interests. The former stems from deep-seated neediness and insecurities, which only makes one appear unattractive. Making the whole effort worthless.
What about the latter?
Well, it’s as obvious as not being obsessed with outcomes. Being your quirky, kind, and unique self, while always bearing in mind that you’re lovable, interesting enough, attractive, and worthy of affection. The right person will always notice that. Hence, why you need to let the chips fall where they may.
Actions that are supposed to control the other party’s feelings are pointless.
You’ll most likely shoot yourself in the leg by doing so. I’m sure you don’t want that.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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