What would be
the WORST possible
Awhile back my friend Kim admitted that the fact she and her first husband started out their wedding celebration by dancing to Cole Porter’s “Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off” was probably a bad omen regarding the long term viability of their relationship. Sure, the song is ostensibly about transcending your differences in the name of love, but it’s also about two people who can’t agree on ANYTHING, which is something even the most passionate of lovers would have difficulty overcoming.
Her revelation made me think of what other epically bad first wedding song choices there were out there. Here’s a few of the obvious contenders that came to mind:
Billy Idol, “White Wedding” – In case you missed it, when Billy sings “It’s a nice day for a white wedding” he’s being totally sarcastic.
John Waite, “Missing You” – While it’s clear he DOES miss the woman he’s singing about, it’s probably not a good idea to begin your wedding with a song about a guy getting over a hard break-up.
Jimi Hendrix, “Hey Joe” – Pretty much any song about a dude looking for his adulterous wife/girlfriend so he can kill her is probably a bad wedding song call.
Bruce Springsteen, “The River” – Now the lyrics to Springsteen’s ode to small town shotgun weddings are a bit ambiguous, but they do seem to imply that the narrator is planning on drowning his wife in the titular location, so probably not a great wedding song.
Tori Amos, “Mother” – As a big Tori fan, it’s actually pretty safe to say that the majority of her song catalogue is bad wedding juju, but the first one that springs to mind is this song from her second breakthrough album “Little Earthquakes” about a young bride terrified of losing her identity once the ceremony is over and life begins.
The Dixie Chicks, “Goodbye Earl” – Yeah, best not to play the funny song about the abused wife who poisons her husband’s dinner.
Kenny Rogers, “Ruby, Don’t Take Your Love To Town” – A paralyzed war veteran begs his wife not to go out and cheat on him, admitting that his injury is the only thing keeping him from killing her. BAD WEDDING SONG!
So those are the worst possible wedding songs I could think of. What do you have to add to the pile?