The Real Reasons Why Singles Quit Modern Dating & Date Themselves

I wrote an article a year ago that went viral (90k views + still counting).

Almost every comment I got in there says that they’re so done with dating apps — and online dating in general.

Is it the Apps that are the problem? Or is it us?

Regardless of whose fault it is that modern dating has gotten a lot worse, singles actually have legit reasons why they don’t want to participate in dating apps anymore.

They’re done done.

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The endless dating trends that do nothing but make you feel bad about yourself

Gosh.

Where do I start with this…

There are just too many dating trends that mean nothing but another disappointment. Every year, some millennials and Gen Z somehow come up with a new term.

While some are well and good (the ‘main character energy’ for example) the rest are just another term for people who don’t want to commit.

If you’ve been reading my work on this platform, you know I wrote almost all the dating terms out there.

From roaching, love-bombing, guardrailing, and breadcrumbing to something basic like ghosting.

And I can see people are so damn tired of it.

The dating lifestyle has gotten worse and worse. My single friends attest to this fact by saying they can’t even get someone to have a genuine conversation with.

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The hookup culture + the “talking” stage

Either people are stuck in the “talking” stage or they just hook up for months.

With so many options just from the screen, people think there’s no such pressure to commit to one person.

It’s a sad thing to witness.

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I’m a huge believer that good people don’t always come twice in your life. When you’re busy trying to taste everything, you might miss the one that has all the potential to be the best partner for you.

Back then there was no such a thing as “stuck at the talking stage”.

I mean, think about it.

You don’t just talk with someone for months, hang out with them, share intimate stories with them, and not call it a real relationship.

But that’s just the reality of today’s dating. I wish it happened only to young people but I’ve got many readers in their 40s/50s who are experiencing the same thing too.

Those who always prefer to stay in the talking stage are usually scared of new commitments.

It’s indeed comfortable to be with someone and has no pressure to put a label on it, but you also need to make sure that they’re on the same page with you.

I’m not against casual dating if that’s what both parties want. Most of the problem starts when the other person actually wants more than that.

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The “date yourself” trend you’ve seen all over social media

I’m having mixed feelings about this one trend.

You know how everyone suddenly has the need to make a video with that “Flowers” sound on Instagram or Tiktok? Yeah. Right.

Well, good for you if you truly enjoy your single life and embrace it all.

But some people just fake it. They have a lot of anger inside their heart while saying all men (or women) are trash.

They don’t wanna date because they believe everyone else just gonna turn out like their crappy ex.

There’s nothing wrong to date yourself but at the same time, it’s not healthy to block your way to finding new love.

We all know it feels good when we’re with the right person.

We know life is more meaningful when we have someone to share with. It’s in our nature to want to spend time with someone other than ourselves.

So as much as this “date yourself” trend become so inspiring over the past year, there’s no need to hate on love or people who are in a happy relationship.

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I’m not even gonna give you some tips on how to meet someone offline. I think you already know what to do and where to go.

But what I’m gonna say is this: there’s no need to be hard on yourself.

Some people are actually guilty that they aren’t part of any dating Apps but are too scared to give it a try.

Let me remind you that when you aren’t in a good place, you may attract the wrong people.

It’s better to sit with yourself and make the best out of your single time than to put yourself out there.

Girl, you aren’t even ready to date.

And if you already figured that online dating sucks, don’t even bother to try it out. Find something else that makes you feel comfortable.

A place that makes you feel like yourself.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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