7:00 AM: Wake up the high schooler, the middle schooler, and the elementary school student.
7:30 AM: Wake them up again.
7:49 AM: WAKE UP RIGHT NOW SCHOOL IS ABOUT TO START!
7:50-7:59 AM: Kids eat dry toast, argue with each other, someone throws a banana at someone else.
8:00 AM: 2 older kids start online school.
8:01 AM: 2 older kids discover that their computers have no WiFi
8:02 AM: Youngest child goes back to bed because his school doesn’t start until 8:30 and doesn’t know why he has to get up, but it’s probably because dad is a poopie-head.
8:03 – 8:15 AM: Dad uses IT skills he doesn’t have to fix internet. Victory is his!
8:16 AM: Internet fails mid-zoom call.
8:17 AM: Dad sacrifices a chicken and prays to any god that will listen.
8:18 AM: Miracle granted. WiFi works again.
8:19 AM: Youngest is dragged out of bed again.
8:30 AM: Youngest is at his computer, ready to login in. Parade honoring dad happens on Main Street. Sadly, Dad has to turn down participation because he’s got some teaching to do!
8:31 AM: Internet fails again as now all 3 kids are on.
8:32 AM: Dad threatens unknown internet gods. His curse words are epic.
8:33 AM: Internet working, mostly. There’s a lot of frozen faces but the sound works fine. Parade outside continues.
8:34 -9:21 AM: Dad spends this entire time trying to figure out which link is to the youngest’s virtual classroom because surely this archaic software the school uses is intuitive. Dad discovers it is not. Searches through email to see where the school might have gone over this. Discovers that they did not. Clicks randomly and accidentally makes contact with ISS station currently flying overhead. Astronauts are supercool and get NASA to help dad troubleshoot.
9:22 AM: Youngest’s zoom call ends.
9:23 -9:45 AM: Scheduled break. Dog poops on floor.
9:46 AM: Internet fails as now mom has zoom call as well.
9:46 – 10:30 AM: Unscheduled break.
10:31 – 11: 30 AM: Kids back in class. Assignments finally discovered, instructions given, work can begin. Dad accepts “Teacher of the Year” award. Thanks the dog.
11:31- 12:30 PM: Lunch, recess, and Dad naptime.
12:30 – 1:30 PM: Dad discovers that they’ve been doing homework that is for next week, not this week, smiles politely as teacher says “oh, sorry. That was the wrong link. Here are today’s assignments.”
1:31 PM: Dad’s first beer of the day.
1:32 – 2:30 PM: Work is being accomplished. High Schooler and Middle Schooler get into a fight because of reasons. Dad gets everyone calmed down and heads back to make sure youngest is at desk doing his work and listening to the teacher. Youngest has left and is in his room, eating crackers in bed, and playing on Switch. Dad lays down the law. Mom asks why the internet is down again.
2:30 -3:00 PM: The correct schoolwork is completed; which Dad thinks is weird because the actual work only took 30 minutes so why are we online all day?
3:01 PM: Dad discovers secret link with more homework for all three kids. It’s odd that it wasn’t listed in the calendar of today’s assignments, wasn’t on any of the 21 class schedules that he checked and wasn’t mentioned by any teacher as he sat there right along with his youngest. Dad emails teacher. Dad texts teacher. Dad sends carrier pigeon to teacher. No response.
3:02 PM: High Schooler points out that school should be done by now, right?
3:03 PM: Second beer of the day opened. Dad finds his second wind.
3:04 -4:45 PM: All school work completed. Dad accepts invitation to speak at next Heroes convention, which is held in Cleveland for some reason.
4:46 PM: Dad says hi to his bros on the ISS as they again pass overhead again. Thanks them for their support.
5:00 PM: Dad starts dinner.
7:45 PM: Teacher e-mails back and says that the school work he found isn’t actually due today but was extra work in case the kids got bored.
8:00 PM: Whiskey opened.
9:00 PM: Dad decides to forgive himself and everyone else for today. After all, this is all new and we are all learning. We will find our way. Dad nominates himself for Nobel Peace Prize. He’s such a good dude.
9:01 PM: Dad does bedtime. Tucks everyone in.
9:02 PM: Dad finally sits down to get some writing done because he has deadlines.
9:03 PM: Internet fails.
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