I’ve seen women romanticize the idea of being the victim.
They have been good women to different men. The outcome is the same; it ends with them heartbroken. After all the trying, it feels like they are the problem. “What else can they do?”. It feels right to rest the blame on someone or their situation.
The personality can please some men. She isn’t assertive.
The man believes it is easier to lead and provide. When all the blaming is one-sided, though, it becomes a problem for the union.
The universe isn’t against you.
It’s not grand feeling powerless and sitting with feelings of lacking. This mindset pushes you away from the man you’ve been hoping to love.
The Conversation
You have discussions different from the ones of other females. The pull is to talk about your ex, rough childhood, or a situation that didn’t happen in your favor.
I realize you don’t even know you’re doing it. But if faced with the choice of sharing a pleasant or sad experience. You choose the latter.
If talking about current affairs, you’ll identify the scenario’s victim. Then, take their side. These women are sensitive to word choices and body language. They will defend themselves if triggered.
The hard truth is you won’t see anything wrong with your actions.
A woman with the victim mindset would gain from practicing gratitude. The exercise teaches you to be kind to yourself. Through showing yourself kindness, you do the same for others. Over time, you stop thinking the worst of others based on your first impression.
The deep desire
A woman with the victim mindset crazes sympathy.
You enjoy the behavior associated with pity. It is comforting to get hugs, forehead kisses, and reassuring words the man you date.
Most women convince themselves men aren’t affectionate. The sad stories come when you want him to volunteer affection.
This behavior ruins relationships because it feels manipulative.
If you want affection or attention, try to tell your partner what actions you like. It’s an ego scratch for him. And habits usually form around dopamine releases.
You think it’s impossible to change.
Besides thinking you cannot change your situation; you also assume the worst.
There’s no middle ground. People are friends or enemies. If you don’t consider someone a friend anymore, your man should do the same. It’s only right he supports you.
But your partner deserves to have choose his friends. And you can still maintain a distance from these people. Inform your partner of the changed friend status to not have him not invite you around this person ever.
Another issue is refusing apologies.
You think of yourself as better than the person who wronged you. You continue to accuse them of hurting you while ignoring their apology.
Forgiveness is a slow process.
Even if you don’t let the person back in your life, forgive them. This way, you strike the loss of a friend from your self-pity story list.
You shift the load.
If you have a victim mindset, you don’t think you’re in control.
You delegate responsibility, so you can also pass on the blame. It’s an odd state where you pick (negative) comparisons between yourself and others. But you won’t work to change your situation.
If your partner acts to provide, you are critical. “Why are you still in a state of lacking despite all the sacrifices of you and your partner?” Every annoyance causes a fight. You think your partner can’t do anything right.
But you also have a victim mindset going into the argument. So, if it doesn’t go your way, you feel attacked. It’s hard to realize everything isn’t about you.
If you notice you behave this way, the first step isn’t the easiest. You’ll need to apologize. Then, show appreciation and be more mindful of your behavior.
A victim mindset doesn’t mean every issue in your relationship is draining. Try to be grateful for the good, avoid blame, and acknowledge on the emotions of others.
Thank you for reading this post.
© Annie Wegner 2022-Present.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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