The Science of Flirting — What Every Woman Wants You To Know About Flirting

 

Flirting is an art form, there is no doubt about that. In fact, a lot of scientific research has been done that explains how you can flirt like a master. Just send clear signals to the woman you are crushing on and get in touch with her quickly.

Listed below are the six most effective flirting tricks backed by science and the number one mistake most likely to turn her away.

1. Having a good sense of humor

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A good sense of humor is consistently rated as one of the most important qualities a partner should possess by women.

And here is the reason. Men who laugh make women feel comfortable, so they like to spend time with a man who makes them feel comfortable. Furthermore, humor indicates intelligence. Making spontaneous jokes is also a trait women look for before they enter a serious relationship.

They see it as a sign of quick thinking and flexibility. Furthermore, it allows you to show off your quirky personality and sense of humor. Most importantly, humor weeds out incompatible matches.

It is better to not waste your time chasing girls you don’t click with because eventually, you will find one who is on the same page as you and would find you irresistible.

2. Pay attention to the body language

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To get her to like you and become intrigued by your personality, you need to draw her in with your body language. However, most guys don’t use this to help with their flirting. The result is that they don’t just miss out on the right moves, but they also overlook the signs that girls are flirting with them.

Now let’s analyze it. When it comes to open body language, shoulders, arms, and feet are crucial.

When flirting you should face her with your shoulders, keep your arms uncrossed, and point your feet in her direction.

It doesn’t make sense to be stiff as a board all day long; you have to move or else you will just look ridiculous.
As you get closer to her, open up your body language to signal that you want her to be close to you while also checking out her body language.

3. Don’t touch until…

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Let’s be honest, I understand many of you are hesitant to touch women. Maybe you’re afraid of crossing the line and she will send one of her hills your way. Or maybe she’ll reach for the pepper spray. Some of you may have read or heard about how a guy was arrested for assault for shaking a girl’s hand.

I don’t think any of these stories are real unless these guys are seriously misinformed about how handshakes work. Furthermore, flirting requires physical contact. The key to getting her is to do it the right way. Here’s how you can touch a girl so that it shows interest without coming across creepy.

Let’s begin by talking about which parts of the body you touch. A girl’s arm is the first place you should focus on touching when you want to break through the first barrier. As close as you can get to her hand, the more intimate it is. You can therefore touch her shoulder without causing too much discomfort.

There’s nothing more outrageous and flirtatious than the touch of the hand

Now you will only receive partial credit for knowing where to touch a girl. The trick to getting full points is also knowing when and how to touch her. And to make it even easier, here are three rules I live by: don’t breach, don’t reach, and don’t grab.

Don’t Breach

By that, I mean that you shouldn’t touch a girl you haven’t actually spoken to. Most people don’t like to be touched by strangers. When you touch a woman before you speak to her, it may come off as aggressive and weird. So break the ice with a few words and see if she warms up to you. In this way, she will have a chance to show some interest before making her move for some physical contact.

Don’t Reach

It’s best not to touch a girl who is standing or sitting next to you if you can’t touch her without reaching. She might be keeping her distance deliberately. If a girl wants to get closer, she’ll signal her interest by making herself available, and when that happens, you should go for the touch.

Don’t Grab

You should be playful and affectionate when you touch a girl for the first time, not forceful or rigid.

You should never grab or grip her at all, even if she is feeling it

If she feels trapped, she will try to find an exit. Make her feel better by lightly stroking her upper arm, or by placing your hand on her forearm or wrist, or playing with her fingers. Just make sure you do it at the right moment.

If you are still unsure about timing, here are a few tips that will help you.

4. Pay close attention

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Flirting requires attention on two levels. First and foremost, if you want someone to recognize that you’re into them, you ought to pay them special attention. The best way to show the other person you’re interested in is to make them feel special. Sounds obvious, doesn’t it?

Whenever something is interesting or important, you pay attention to it. Similar to that, the amount of attention you pay a girl reflects your value for her. At the second level, however, things get more interesting.

While flirting, watch for how she responds to your advice and how she joins in

By doing this, you can tailor your approach and either change or keep your initial strategy to gracefully exit.

So when you’re chatting with a girl, pay attention to the way she responds to you and give her your undivided attention. That way, you’ll know whether your jokes are working or not. It makes flirting so much easier if you can read her signs and you are confident enough to move on if things aren’t going well.

5. Don’t ignore her proximity

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You might start off flirting by meeting eye-to-eye across the room, but if you want to go beyond the initial contest, you’ll have to get close. Here’s where proximity comes into play.

Let’s say you are looking at a girl across a room, and a few moments later she pops up right next to you. She did not get lost; instead, she used proximity to let you know that she is interested in getting a better look to see if you are really interested in her.

Furthermore, getting closer to the girl with whom you’re flirting shows her that you are attracted to her and are eager to become even closer

In many cases, this will naturally happen. However, if you pay attention as I mentioned in number 4, you will notice your flirting is working as the gap between you two closes.

6. Keep an eye contact

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With all of these flirting tips so far,

eye contact is the only way to make it clear that your flirting is far from being friendly.

Just think about it. A girl who isn’t sure what you’re going for may come up with other reasons for each of these behaviors.

You might joke with friends, you might get nearby in a noisy event, and you might just be a touchy person. But she can’t misinterpret frequent, intense, extended eye contact as anything other than flirting. That’s why eye contact is so important. This acts as a signal that you’re having more than a friendly chat and communicates your feelings without having to say anything.

If you want to avoid making her uncomfortable, it is better to say something sooner rather than later. But in the end, nothing makes a girl’s heart race so deep into her veins… particularly when she’s just starting back.

How do you avoid making the most common flirting mistake that turns women off

However, the science of flirting doesn’t tell you what to say. Instead, it gives you tips on how to flirt like a boss. So be very careful; speaking only about yourself while flirting is the worst thing you could do. It’s not a boss move.

This doesn’t mean you can’t talk about yourself. You are just getting to know each other, right? Simply put, it doesn’t have to be about you, about what you’ve done, about where you’ve been, and about how much money you make.

She wants to get to know you, but she also wants to know that you care about other things besides yourself.

So, start to get practicing how to use the above tips to the maximum when flirting, leave the selfish behavior to the lower life forms, and always ask the girl questions about herself.

Good luck!

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References

1 La France, B. H., Henningsen, D. D., Oates, A., & Shaw, C. M. (2009). Social-sexual interactions? Meta-analyses of sex differences in perceptions of flirtatiousness, seductiveness, and promiscuousness. Communication Monographs, 76(3), 263–285. doi:10.1080/03637750903074701

2 Whitty, M. T. (2004). Cyber-flirting: An examination of men’s and women’s flirting behavior both offline and on the internet. Behavior Change, 21, 115–126.

3 Hall, J. A., Xing, C., & Brooks, S. (2014). Accurately detecting flirting: Error management theory, the traditional sexual script, and flirting base rate. Communication Research, 42, 939–958. DOI: 10.1177/0093650214534972

4 Grammer, K. (1990). Strangers meet Laughter and nonverbal signs of interest in opposite-sex encounters. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 14(4), 209–236. doi:10.1007/BF00989317

5 Grammer, K., Kruck, K., Juette, A., & Fink, B. (2000). Non-verbal behavior as courtship signals: The role of control and choice in selecting partners. Evolution and Human Behavior, 21, 371–390.

6 Moore, M. M. (1985). Nonverbal courtship patterns in women: Context and consequences. Ethology & Sociobiology, 6(4), 237–247. doi:10.1016/0162–3095(85)90016–0

7 Wade, J., Butrie, L., Hoffman, K. (2009). Women’s direct opening lines are perceived as most effective. Personality and Individual Differences, 47, 145–149.

8 White, J., Lorenz, H., Perilloux, C., & Lee, A. (2018). Creative Casanovas: Mating strategy predicts using — but not preferring — atypical flirting tactics. Evolutionary Psychological Science, 4(4), 443–455.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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