Sex. It’s often a big lack in a man’s life. Especially if he’s been married for many years.
Is sex missing in your relationship?
You may have reached a point where you’ve thrown in the towel on your sex life. It may not even be something you think much about anymore with your partner.
Well, ok, you think about it. Of course you do, you’re a dude. But you’ve resigned yourself to how things are – sex-minimal or sexless.
And yet is resignation to a sexless relationship just a short-term tactic to avoid conflict?
“Every time I bring it up,” my client Richard says. “She gets upset and thinks I just want to get off on her. No, baby! I say. It’s you I want! Not just your…”
Maybe you’re like Richard and have decided it’s easier to just not rock the boat. But at what cost?
How’s your sex life with your partner?
Well, whether or not you’re wanting a better sex life, there’s a way in which many men are, and you may be also, inadvertently sabotaging their sex life.
And while a lot of guys blame their partners for their sexless relationship, unconsciously they exacerbate the problem.
Are you unknowingly sabotaging her sexual attraction to you?
To know, you have to look at one key thing. It’s something most guys don’t want to look at. They just want their partner to “give it” to them.
But this avoidance makes things even worse. It impacts that thing that she needs from you. And that’s, simply put, safety.
If she doesn’t feel safe with you – emotionally, psychologically, mentally – she won’t be open to you physically. So ask yourself…
Do your actions – the way you talk to her, the way you act towards her – diminish or build her sense of safety with you?
While she may be a modern feminist who denies that she needs a man to keep her safe, ultimately it’s one of the biggest things she craves from you. But she won’t admit it out loud. She expects you to know this within.
And one of the greatest ways I see “evolved” modern men screw this up is by doing this one secret thing. That is…asking her to validate his feelings.
Do you expect your partner to validate your feelings?
Whereas the more traditional macho guy tends to shut down his feelings, the less traditional guy tries to share his feelings.
The second guy was taught that women want more emotional vulnerability from their men. And it’s true.
But the problem is he’s emotionally vulnerable in a way that makes her feel very unsafe and kills off her sexual attraction to him. It also erodes trust, security, and polarity.
And when that happens, many men emotionally shut down altogether. And that leaves her feeling even less safe.
So how can you help her feel safe and ignite her sexual attraction to you?
First, stop asking her to validate your feelings. Second, stop withdrawing when it doesn’t work. And third, do this.
Check out the video below to discover THE ONE WAY you can build safety and sexual attraction with your partner.
It’s a great thing that, more than ever, we as men are learning to connect to our emotional selves.
It makes us complete human beings. It gives us important data about what’s going on inside of ourselves. It helps us live more fulfilling lives.
And when we share that emotional knowledge with our partners in a way that’s self-responsible and empowered, it makes us sexier than ever to her.
Previously Published on stuartmotola.com and is republished on Medium.