I’m really pleased with the impact of my Good Men Project article, Do You Want To Be An Alpha Male, Here’s What It Takes. The responses and emails I got were fascinating to me. That article was specifically counter to the popular definition of the alpha male and a few responses still addressed that popular definition.
I invite you to read the article. I’m just saying.
One of the responses was from a gentleman from India. First of all, I think it’s so cool that my articles have such a global audience.
But his question was fascinating. Paraphrasing, he asked me how he could measure up against other guys who represented what he was not – physically, mentally, and in their accomplishments.
What I’m about to share has been one of the biggest breakthroughs I’ve had over the course of my lifetime. And it’s come into even sharper focus during my time in coach training.
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What I’m about to share has been one of the biggest breakthroughs I’ve had over the course of my lifetime. And it’s come into even sharper focus during my time in coach training.
Have you ever met a woman with whom you share an immediate connection? It’s inexplicable and indescribable (which mean the same thing, I know. Roll with it.)
On one hand:
- She’s beautiful, brilliant, kind, loving, and has a killer sense of humor.
On the other hand:
- You’re maybe not that good looking. Not as smart as she is. And…well…your sense of humor is only assisted by your blood alcohol level.
You’re both highly taken by each other and a beautiful relationship blossoms. You live happily ever after with rainbows, waterfalls, and honeysuckles…and, y’know, the cow jumped over the moon.
Okay, maybe not so much with the honeysuckles.
Y’all ready for a truth bomb? Here it is…
The people who matter will appreciate you for your substance, not necessarily your style.
Read that again – the people who matter value substance over style.
Do the people who only see you for your style really matter? Will it really last?
There’s one type of woman who tend to be really attracted to me. I mean, like, really attracted to me. It explains why I’ve been single for so long.
Married women love me! Tis my cross to bear.
But I’ve learned something about myself from all these women. Most of them have one thing in common.
The people who matter will appreciate you for your substance, not necessarily your style.
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While they are all incredibly attractive, brilliant, and loving; they’re all married to men who – as we say in the South – outkicked their coverage. These are all men who I would consider less attractive than their wives.
It’s all relative, but they’re all drawn to something in these men. It’s various and wide-ranging.
I assert (and I’m pretty sure I’m right) that’s it’s all something in who these men are being. Love makes us all do silly things.
But what is love, anyway?
{record scratch}
Really? Are you all doing the Night at the Roxbury head bounce? And I know someone just said “Baby don’t hurt me.”
No more…
Okay, I’ll stop.
As I wrote last week, love is just a covalent bond between two hearts. A cardiac covalent bond.
But looking even deeper, love isn’t passive. Love is active.
I think this quotation from the late Fred Rogers really sums it up nicely.
“Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.”
To answer that gentleman from India, focus on who you’re being at all times. Are you being strong and empowered? Or are you letting what you don’t have overrule all the amazing things you do have? The choice is yours.
{Side note: note to self on that last one. Focus on what you have, Coach Ryan.}
Now more than ever, I’d love to connect with you and see if coaching can support you in setting your life on fire.
- Email: [email protected]
- Twitter: twitter.com/ryanhallwrites
- Website: team-ryan.team
The phenomenon I’ve written about today, I’m seeing this first hand with my own four eyes (y’know, because I wear glasses. #wakawaka.)
I’m experiencing this. Women respond to this. Women respond to men who own who they are being at any given moment.
Perhaps I can use this newfound knowledge and perspective in my own life? Perhaps I can use this to find my own amazing relationship? Perhaps I’ll outkick my own coverage – y’know, like I’ve done before.
The choice is mine. And the choice is yours too.
Are you ready to empower that choice?
Photo by Christian Gonzalez