Michael Stusser looks at what our searches say about us.
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Do you really want the word “Twerk” to historically represent the culmination of our collective search for knowledge for the Year 2013 AD? Does a young, grinding teenager desperate for attention sum up all that we desired to know during this momentous year in our lives? If Google searches have anything to do with reality or importance, the answer is yes.
The Mountain View search corporation, Google, just released their search results for 2013, and the top trending terms include Miley Cyrus’s gyrating dance move, as well more notable queries, including the great Nelson Mandela, the Boston Marthon, and actor Paul Walker, who fittingly died fast and furious in a fiery car crash last month.
Google has released their summary report for 14 years, and it’s an interesting window into the internet Zeitgeist. The results, of course, are skewed by age (with hipsters making up the majority of surfers, and granny and grandpa sticking to shuffleboard and encyclopedias), and the fact that, while we may be thinking about a particular topic, we might not search for it if we already have the knowledge in our noggins (i.e. how to floss, what is a RedBull, or what Hilary Clinton looks like). As with any “top ten” list, not everybody or everything got a mention: Pope Francis was left off, as was organic vodka, fracking, Rod Ford, cloned burgers, and lingerie football. Given the number of times I searched my own name, I’m shocked I didn’t at least crack the Top 100.
Overall, the top trending topics (queries that had the highest amount of traffic over a sustained period—the entire year) were an odd mix of death, tech and dance moves:
1. Nelson Mandela
2. Paul Walker
3. iPhone 5s
4. Cory Monteith
5. Harlem Shake
6. Boston Marathon
7. Royal Baby
8. Samsung Galaxy S4
9. PlayStation 4
10. North Korea
When it came to the people we searched for, the list holds (sadly) few surprises, with musicians holding nine of the ten top spots (and an overhyped wife of a musician being the odd-id-out):
1. Miley Cyrus
2. Drake
3. Kim Kardashian
4. Justin Bieber
5. Beyonce
6. Rihanna
7. Taylor Swift
8. Selena Gomez
9. Katy Perry
10. Kanye West
Another search that proves informative is the “What is” search, where clueless individuals (or people who missed the VMAs) looked into various topics. In this grouping, the top ten in the U.S. were:
1. What is Twerking
2. What is Ricin
3. What is DOMA
4. What is Molly
5. What is Gluten
6. What is Sequestration
7. What is Obamacare
8. What is Lupus
9. What is Snapchat
10. What is Bitcoin
Hopefully folks aren’t attempting to combine the first two on this list (or three or four for that matter!); it’s a good way to break your pelvis.
Google breaks their searches down in all kinds of ways, and New Yorkers proved once again to be a strange and twisted lot, as revealed by their “How To” search list.
1. How to Levitate
2. How to Compost
3. How to Dougie
4. How to Squat
5. How to Fax
6. How to Fish
7. How to Smile
8. How to Code
9. How to Skype
10. How to Wop
(That listing does explain the cab driver who passed by the other day, not in his car, but flying slowly overhead with a huge grin on his face….)
The search terms that were left out—or should I say, the UnSearched are what bother me most. In a year full of unconstitutional NSA surveillance, Syrian atrocities, Egypt’s (ongoing) revolution, Trayvon Martin’s murder, the Rana Plaza collapse, growing levels of obesity and gun violence in schools, Health Care trials and tribulation, Congressional Buffoonery, world hunger, global warming, and continued and unchecked theft on Wall Street, we searched elsewhere.
Then again, who am I to tell others what they might be searching for in this life? It would be arrogant, presumptive and preachingly-dictatorial to suggest what enquiring minds want to know. I’ll also admit to having searched myself for Cory Monteith, the Paul Walker crash, Kim Jong Un’s (now executed) girlfriend, and Kate Upton Dougie Dance. That doesn’t make it right; driven by TMZ and People and my own sick and twisted lascivious imagination and desires, I’m clearly part of the problem. I will say this, however: just as you are what you eat, you are what you search, and this year, Miley Cyrus, Molly and the flippin’ Royal Baby occupied our (hearts and) minds. Last year wasn’t much better, with Whitney Houston and Gangnam Style filling our bellies.
Just for a moment, what if we set the fast-food mentality aside, and dreamed of all the concepts our brilliant brains might search if we weren’t distracted and tempted by the tabloids. Imagine if our top queries included compassion, the Dalai Lama, happiness, Robin Emmons, how to be a better parent, best charities, inspiring stories, civic duty, kissing techniques, ongoing education courses, strategies for World Peace, or “what is love”? Imagine the knowledge that could fill our minds given the available and ever-growing database. Perhaps 2014 will be the Year of Soul Searching. Where do you want to go today? What don’t you know that might make your spirit soar? How can we improve and find joy? Where will the search for all that really matters in this glorious life lead you?