Lovers are much easier to come by, of course…Best friends, on the other hand…they’re called “best” friends for a reason. They’re incredibly difficult to, if not impossible, to replace.
I have this ongoing debate with myself on whether life is the most beautiful or most horrific state of existence in the universe. One could easily find an argument for both sides.
Life allows for pleasure, but it also allows for pain. It allows for happiness, but it also allows for suffering. It allows for greatness, but it also allows for insignificance. It can be both simple and complex, confusing, even maddening.
Going through life alone is possible in theory, but in practice, it’s only the sociopaths capable of living such secluded lives. Everybody else, we need other people in our lives to feel happy.
How many other people? I guess that’s really up to you… Just keep in mind that close and meaningful relationships take significant time to build.
Your relationship doesn’t necessarily need to be a romantic one, but let’s be honest; we want to have our cake and eat it. We don’t just want a friend to share our lives with; we want a lover, a partner.
We want a best friend who will elicit a strong romantic and sexual response. We want a lover who is not just our lover, but also our best friend.
We are right to want exactly that – it’s the ideal. It’s as good as it gets, as it’s the best of all worlds.
Here’s the problem… have you ever had anyone warn you about putting all your eggs into one basket? Well, the hardest part of breaking up with the person you truly love is losing your best friend.
You lose the one person you always knew you could turn to.
Not every day of our lives is a difficult one. Some days are seamless, other days, a bit rougher around the edges. We do of course, every once in a while, find ourselves at extremes.
In life, we will sometimes experience incredible moments when everything seems to align perfectly, when things work out better than was hoped for. But then, we have the days when everything goes wrong.
You don’t realize how important it is to have someone you can turn to during those more difficult days until you come across one of those days. Having someone to talk to, someone willing to listen with a caring ear really does make all the difference.
Having someone in your life, who loves you so much he or she is willing to listen to you whine and complain, or give you a shoulder to cry on, is what makes life bearable. We’re all capable of dealing with our problems, and the emotions that arise from them, on our own.
But let’s be honest, nobody wants to. Nobody chooses to deal with hardship or misfortune on his or her lonesome.
Sometimes we don’t have a choice, but no one chooses to be alone during a time of need. Sure, you could say, “suck it up,” but the fact that we all wish we had someone in our life who we could turn to says a lot.
You lose the one person you always enjoyed spending time with.
It’s one thing to be there for someone emotionally at times of dire need, and it’s another to be there for someone on even the good days. Many of us have good friends who will help us out when we find ourselves in a real pickle.
You may have to ask around a bit for a friend who won’t be too inconvenienced, but you’re bound to find one if you look long enough. Yet, it’s not just about having someone in your life when life is at it’s worst; it’s also about having someone there when life is at its best.
Maybe I’m just a bit of an oddball, but how often can you recollect having an incredible time all on your own? Sure, we all like a bit of time alone every so often, and it is refreshing and rather enjoyable, but not incredible.
And even if you have had incredible experiences on your lonesome, would they not have been better had you had someone to share them with?
Well, you did. But when you dumped him or her, you also dumped the friendship. The worst part is, you don’t forget all those great memories you’ve created together, but instead, those great memories turn into painful ones.
You lose the one person who never judges you because he or she already knows you.
Everybody judges everybody – well, almost. Strangers will always judge you. Friends are likely to judge you from time to time. Family most certainly judges your decisions. But if you meet the right person, allow him or her to get to know you – the real you – he or she won’t be capable of judging you.
We judge that which we don’t know or don’t understand. Judging is basically guessing – when we know something for a fact, we no longer have a need to guess, to judge.
Most people don’t know other people on such a deep and intimate level. Many never open themselves up to other people enough for them to get to know one another on such a level.
If you think about it, it’s kind of crazy how little we know about all those we interact with on a daily basis. Sure, we can deduce, draw conclusions, guess, judge, but in the end, we never know it all.
Except when we meet that special someone, that someone who seems to have known us for years before having even met us.
It’s an incredible thing to meet someone who knows you better than you know yourself and an incredibly scary thing to then go on to watch him or her walk out of your life.
It really does feel like two people have walked out of your life, not just one.
You lose the one person you always enjoyed spending time with, always laughed with and created incredible memories with. Sure, things went a bit south at one point.
Maybe it could have been avoided; maybe it couldn’t have been. Some people make better friends than lovers. And you know what? It still sucks.
You still lose your best friend. And if you happen to be one of those incredibly unlucky lucky few who managed to stumble upon the right person at the wrong time, then you’re losing two of the most important people in your life – your best friend and your lover.
Lovers are much easier to come by, of course… Best friends, on the other hand… they’re called “best” friends for a reason. They’re incredibly difficult to, if not impossible, to replace.
This becomes truer the older we get; the older we get, the higher the bar gets raised. When we’re kids, best friends are found around every corner. Once we become adults, on the other hand, finding loyal friends becomes a challenge.
by Paul Hudson
This post originally appeared at Elite Daily. Reprinted with permission.
A young writer, philosopher, and entrepreneur, Paul Hudson (@MrPaulHudson) has been writing for Elite Daily nearly since the start. He primarily addresses the successes and downfalls of love and life.
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