Men and women are hardwired differently—from what they want to what they need (in the bedroom and life).
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Men, men, men.
I have a bone to pick with y’all over your boners.
I am sure it is simply some of your testosterone-fueled egos calling the shots which makes you believe such craziness, but someone’s gotta tell you the truth.
After a long discussion in bed with my husband, recently, I came to the conclusion that it was time I lay down the law about how many women truly feel about penises with the entire male species.
Your dick is NOT attractive.
Nor does the SIZE matter (as long as there are a few inches to measure).
We do not cheat because we want a bigger-sized partner. Seriously. Get over yourselves. That is so far from reality.
I want y’all men to understand this. Women are not hardwired the same as men. We get turned on, but not in all the same ways as you do. While you can stare at every crack, flap, fold, and mound which comprises the vagina, women do not care to focus their eyes on your member any longer than necessary. It has no appeal to us beyond the pleasure it brings to us when it is used as it was meant. Even for those of us who find it enjoyable to perform other stimulating and arousing acts, we are not visually connecting to the moment the way you are.
Do not ask a woman what she thinks about while she performs oral. It will ruin the moment.
Most women are aroused by the energy of the moment—by the entire atmosphere. We find your entire body, from head to toe, to be desirable and tantalizing. It is the act itself that we desire.
You guys, well, you are guys for a reason. There’s nothing wrong with it. Please, though. Stop believing that we think, reason, or feel anything like you do in regards to sex.
Let us be women.
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For whatever reason, the whole “bigger is better” concept that afflicts most men has escalated out of proportion over the past fifty years or so.
The phenomena of rapidly intensifying obsessions over dick size has created a multi-billion-dollar industry for this mass market consumerism stemming from it all. These pharmaceutical, homeopathic, and adult toy corporations are totally banking on the erroneous insecurities of men. Insecurities which have arisen from the conditioned belief that the freak show rarities sought out for the porn industry should be the preferred size of all women, regardless of what women say.
Somehow these ridiculously large penises are now considered the baseline for average an not the scale-topping anomalies of genetic code they really are. The logic behind using such aberrations of male anatomy in porno films simply came about from the already proven successfulness of the freak show effect.
People have always been fascinated by the unusual and the odd. How do you think the porn industry was able to break down the religious-social barriers which kept sexual activity constrained to reproduction purposes within a marital bed into the entertainment empire that it is today? They manipulated the public by luring them in with natural curiosity and then netting them with real source of sexual attraction: tits and ass.
And those tits and ass can handle such considerable size because they are also built unnaturally, unlike the average woman.
Many of those actresses are so drugged up and/or drunk, they do not care what is going on because the paycheck is so worth it for them. All those noises and dramatic reactions to being stimulated are not true to life—they are easily faked when high. When a person mixes illegal, hardcore drugs and stimulants with an unhealthy amount of alcohol, the body can go into a hyper-sensitive state which makes it easy to have the rough, discernable sex that looks better on film—in comparison to the regular old sex average people with average parts and average lives actually have.
The average woman is easily pleased by a man who shows up to perform an encore-worthy act, no matter what size he was graced with. Toys are not introduced into the mix just because women want to compensate for what you think you lack. They just add to the fun. They add a change in the routine, so to say.
Wanting to be a bit adventurous doesn’t mean that one cannot find enjoyment in the everyday monotony either. Every experience is what we make of it. Nothing more, nothing less. Size does not make a difference at all when it comes to great sex. Women will enjoy the act so long as her man enjoys the act. If she wants to spice it up, it’s because she is trying to surprise you with new ways to bring excitement and maximize pleasure for both of you – not because she’s lacking in what she has with you already, but because she l o v e s what she has with you.
Women find it incredibly sexy to see their man turned on like never before.
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It is also very common in this super-size everything world for men to blame their perceived lack of endowment for the reason why women stray in a relationship.
It is the farthest reason from the truth, I hate to break it to you. Women do not look to cheat for bigger dicks. Ever. They will cheat if the sex is really, really, bad—but as long as she is getting off and has been able to do the same for you, she will be content.
What does make women cheat more oft than not, is a lack of attention.
Many women want to be center stage in our man’s world. We are emotional beings who have enormous buckets which need filling to be fully satisfied. If we are satisfying our man’s needs of sex, good food, nice companionship, and supporting his ego with endless doses of pride, the same is expected in return by boosting our self-esteem, letting us cry, listening to us whine, calming the inner-crazy, touching us lovingly without implication, and making us feel special in a world filled with beauty greater than what we have to offer.
Only when a woman stops getting what she puts forth in effort will she look elsewhere for that attention she craves.
So there it is. The truth be told, all laid out on the table.
Take it for what it’s worth, because it will get you so much farther than the wayward belief systems in place now. The ones subliminally pushed into the minds of men everywhere to feed the greed of an industry that makes a fortune off male insecurity.
Women don’t care what kind of penis you have. We aren’t fantasizing over your dicks the way men can seek out a lone pair of EE boobs floating free for your pleasurable entertainment.
We aren’t measuring you up against our own vaginal canals.
We aren’t obsessing over what other men have compared to you.
We are obsessing over YOU.
All of YOU.
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Photo: Getty Images
Read Kristina Hammer’s column every week here on The Good Men Project!
And thank you for sharing this!
I like to take women at their word, whether that means “size matters” to them or not. Sexual preferences and practices are so varied that I have no trouble believing that both conditions are true. That said, I do often marvel at the scope of the Romance / Erotica categories in the Kindle store – genres overwhelmingly written for women, for women – and chuckle at the thought that you could probably go through the first 10,000 before finding a below-average member. Unless you’re in the micro-mockery sub-sub genre of course. *For the record, I’m not taking shots at those… Read more »
Bravo Kristina –while I agree with DJ on the tenor, the fact remains that many (if not most) men have a highly distorted view of what women really want in the bedroom. Granted, some women have bought into this distortion as well (see KL’s comment) but I believe they are in the minority. To help correct this limiting belief held by so many men will take many more women having the courage you’ve just shown to tell it like it is. When more women choose to authentically share with their man (or man to be) what they really want and… Read more »
I’m honored to have your feedback. It was my pleasure to put the truth out there. I hope the young generation of men that spurred my husband and I to talk about how misinformed some men are is able to read this and take something from it. Thank you for reading!
Speak for yourself Kristina…I like dicks and I like bigger ones. I also don’t begrudge men who like bigger boobs, or a nice booty – or whatever they fancy visually and physically.
Granted these physical characteristics are pieces of the puzzle, not standalone, and their importance diminishes both over time, and with a fuller context.
Lastly – the fetishism we place on emotional wholesomeness is not that different from the big boner – just different neural connections that spark pleasure. The myth that intimacy is somehow superior to trashing about is nothing more than just another preference like big feet.
Elissa –respectfully I think you miss the point. While it is so true that everyone has their preferences (I prefer petite breasts BTW) it is up to the woman to authentically share what works for her –whatever that happens to be. And, if what works for her does not work for her partner –well, you won’t be partners for long. The fact of the matter is that most women still a) don’t know what they even want intimately speaking or b) are reluctant to share with their partner out of fear of rejection or abandonment. And, as women enter into… Read more »
You must have overlooked this phrase Michael
“Your dick is NOT attractive.”
And please reread what I wrote in full Michael. Don’t fixate on the portion where I said I like bigger dicks.
You have totally missed the point. We all have preferences and turn on’s, but the fact of the matter is, the intimacy should be the main predilect to the action and not the premise of the preference. We should be able to love one another in relationships so that we can work through any preconceived notions that something should matter more than it does. If your preference for big dicks is compassing the course of your relationships, than I don’t see a happily ever after with anyone in your future. Next time, try to see the bigger picture of the… Read more »
I have to be honest here. That comment, “I like Dicks”, had me laughing. Not something one would experience in day to day conversation. Beyond that, i’m going to disagree with the assertion that intimacy is a myth. Not once you have it, and I do. I’ll be perfectly honest here, if I ever lost my wife it would be a long time before I had sex with another woman. If you pardon the bluntness of the statement, sticking it in and wiggling around with a stranger just won’t do it. I’d turn to porn and masturbation before I did… Read more »
DJ – my point is much bigger than 9 inches….!! Assortative mating. All those seemingly physical banal preferences folks have (boobs, facial symmetry, broad shoulders, bid dicks, etc) are the reality, not the exception. Intimacy is layered on top of assortative mating, rather than something, as this piece tries to imply, that stands alone and apart and above it all. That is the myth of which I am alluding to. It’s a nice myth and one that folks like to nod their heads up and down in agreement, transcending it all! Your steak / burger analogy is not what I… Read more »
With all due respect – you are the one who categorically and supposedly laid down the truth about what us women really feel about size. You also stated: “your dick is not attractive”, again speaking for women.
Then you finish with the ever popular intimacy is superior. I suggest you reread what you wrote. There is no “fact of the matter” as you suggest. That is my point.
Yeah, great article, I must say it’s brought some relief to my life long anxiety. But, having been told by a woman I have a little d***, it sure sounded like size mattered to her. I was wondering how can you be sure you’re speaking for all women or even the supposed majority? Maybe you are one of a few who is more critical of the subject. I was cheated on too for the record, and I give plenty attention. I even asked the question straight up and her response was ” no, but big would be a bonus”…. Now… Read more »
You absolutely will. That girl in your past sounds just that – a girl. You will find the Right woman one day, instead. Focus on building yourself up to be the best man you can be and she will find you when you’re not expecting the connection to come. The attraction between you and her will be hard to miss, but you must be patient and keep working on you first. ?
Let’s face it a woman really can’t take back a comment about her lover, husband or partner being too small…..that part of the relationship is irrevocably damaged. Somethings can’t be unsaid, undone or repaired.
That falls on the guy’s ability to resolve issues just the same as it is for us women to get over a male’s inability to take back any references to the whore premise. If a relationship is valued more than words said in anger, most likely, or the need to find non-traditional ways to make up the reality of the little scenario, than the damage can be repaired. Never say never.
“I have a bone to pick with y’all over your boners. I am sure it is simply your testosterone-fueled egos calling the shots which makes you believe such craziness, but someone’s gotta tell you the truth. ‘ _________________ I enjoy your writing, Kristina, and I’ve enjoyed your posts whether I fully agree with them or not, but there was no reason, in this one, to open with such a derogatory thesis statement. It is not testosterone-fueled egos calling the shots, it is insecurity over one’s body, the feeling that one does not measure up, the same that many women face.… Read more »
I can totally see to where you’re coming from in hindsight and appreciate the feedback. I think women tend to see male insecurities reflected through overcompensation with their super ego, so it was easy to use that terminology to convey something more crudely than I should have. Thank you for the honest input and I’ll be more careful of the phrasing I use in the future.
I knew you would, which is why I felt comfortable mentioning it.
What DJ said.