Now, before you think this is about to be a bully fest where I dump on you and make you feel bad, it’s not.
I’ll be blunt and honest with you and tell you the pieces of your dating life that are your responsibility.
I will also keep it real with you because dating isn’t always easy.
My goal is for everyone to have the epiphany I did.
Dating is a numbers game; you aren’t always going to win, and you won’t lose forever.
Success in the dating market is about how you respond to adversity. That sounds like a corny line from a sports movie, but it’s true.
Remember, I am going to keep it real with you. Every failure feels like a massive setback that you will never overcome.
That isn’t true, either.
Let’s skip the sweet and sour intro and get right into it.
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You didn’t buy a timeshare
If you guys know anything about the scam that is a timeshare, then you know once you sign that contract, it is near impossible to get out.
You go through your dating life like you’re locked into an investment and cannot get out.
I get it. You meet someone amazing, miss some yellow or red flags, and now you’re in an awkward position where you feel forced to make it work.
I am not saying you need to become a savage and cut everyone off the second something goes sour.
I’ll reinforce this point until your eyes get tired of seeing it; you can always choose yourself.
You spend so much time molding your current situation into something perfect that you miss other opportunities.
Learn the power of walking away.
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You are terrified
I can go into why people are so scared to be alone but to reiterate my point. You can always choose yourself.
You are so terrified to be alone that you are willing to be slightly less unhappy and date people you don’t like.
At this point, I have to be blunt and honest. You care too much about what others think about you. You don’t want to look lonely and unworthy of love.
All this negative crap that you need to let go of in your mind.
Being single is one of the greatest blessings you can have.
I cannot stress how important it is to take some time to understand yourself. Your needs and boundaries are at the core of your success as you meet new people.
When you understand the power of being single, you will see that it should bring you peace and not sadness.
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You’re very picky
We all have standards, but sometimes they border on delusion.
Your field of possible suiters dwindles lower and lower each time you add a new minimum standard you require.
Someone has to be a certain race, build, height, income, living situation, and job, and before you know it, you shorten your field to less than five percent of possible suitors.
Do you know what the funniest part is? Even when you meet someone that fits your magical mold, you still have to get along and hit it off.
No, you don’t have to throw out everything and ignore what attracts you to a person, but you need to get realistic.
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Put it away
I won’t give you the boomer speech and tell you that you’re locked into your phone and not living in the real world.
Put the phone down and talk to people.
Do you want to know what helped me in my dating life? I talk to every single woman I can.
I know what you’re thinking. I am a player and collecting numbers left and right.
The exact opposite is true. I talk to the mailwoman, the grocer, the barista, the bartender, and the random girl in the elevator.
The point is that I practice random interactions with women I am not interested in pursuing. Why? to practice being in the presence of feminine energy.
You need to practice and utilize the pressure-free interactions that surround you.
Going on dates and alleviating that “new person shock” instantly fades. We are all just people at the end of the day.
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The hard truth
So I buttered you up a little bit before hitting you with a bit of hard truth.
The pillars above can prepare you to succeed in dating, but nothing will change until you learn to love the person you are.
I’ve always thought that was the corniest thing in the world until I realized I didn’t truly love myself once upon a time.
Your flaws are beauty scars that you need to learn to love.
They will be with you forever, but remember; a scar is a sign of healing.
Another thing you need to learn about yourself is what you like to do. Not the things you do because it is an activity your friends do but what you love to do.
Your dating life sucks because you aren’t true to yourself.
You place yourself in surroundings that don’t fit your interests and get frustrated when it doesn’t result in finding someone.
Guess what? If you go to a club or social event of interest, you will never leave frustrated.
You are there because of your interests, and if you meet someone, cool.
That was a semi-unclear way to tell you LOVE YOURSELF DAMNIT.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Dollar Gill on Unsplash