One of my favorite movies of 2017 was Director Mark Spicer’s unhinged comedy, “Ingrid Goes West”, that explored the darker side of humanity and the tragic pitfall of Social Media. The beguiling Albrey Plaza plays the deeply flawed, disturbed, and lonely Ingrid. Following her court-ordered rehab stint, she travels to Los Angeles to “friend” her Instagram Idol, Taylor Sloan, played with superfluous comedic zeal by Elizabeth Olsen.
Ingrid achieves her lofty goal, becoming an intimate part of Taylor’s inner circle. In a conversation by their swimming pool, Taylor’s husband Ezra, played by whimsical Wyatt Russell, confesses about Taylor posting that everything is “the best” on Instagram. He asks Ingrid, “How can everything be the best?” Well, it can’t be.
Surely, I know that I’m not the best and that’s okay. (Wab-sabi: The beauty lies in our imperfection.) Perhaps, we can’t all be “the best”, but we all can be greater than we know ourselves to be. I can always be greater than I know. I got that in my 25 years of Aikido training with Sensei Dan.
Sensei was very Old School. He wasn’t one to say, “That’s awesome” or “Hey, You’re great!” That just wasn’t his style.
At the same time, Sensei was never one to say, “That sucks!” No, he demanded that I put my time on the mat and grind it out. He constantly told me, “Jon, make it work for you.”
Once, I had difficulty moving my Aikido practice partner, who was bigger and stronger than me, grabbing my wrist with both hands. Sensei instructed me to drop my elbow and my “one point” (my center) and get under my partner’s, keeping my hands in my center line, as well as my partner’s.
Sensei said, “Move his head slightly. If you move his head, you can move his mind.” The body will follow the mind. I did so, breathing out, and I threw him down on the mat. Done.
I followed Sensei’s instructions. Sensei smiled. “That’s it.” This being something he didn’t frequently say, Sensei gave me something that I could actually use–not some BS “pep talk” or disingenuous praise.
Throughout our time together, before Sensei passed away, that became the training ritual. If I moved too early when someone came to punch me in the face, he’d say, “Wait it out. Take a hit if you have to. Finish it one time.” I followed his instruction. “That’s it. Now do it again.” And he’d walk away, smiling.
Sensei was perhaps, the most selfless person I’ve ever known. Yeah, he was totally Old School, so he rarely doled out praise. Motivation, alone, was useless because in and of itself it makes no difference. His job was giving me something valuable, something I could use. My job was listening to him and to get what he was saying, whether it was being calm in the attack or throwing my opponent in my center. That was always consistent, like a mountain. That was Sensei.
I got from Sensei that cheerleading and saying, “Everything is great” has no place in the pursuit of Mastery. I surmise that it has little usefulness in life, as well.
I believe that it’s always greater to see the light in the darkness whenever possible. No, not everything—or everyone–can be the best. That’s just not possible. That’s not a bad thing.
Life is about discovering your balance. Sensei would always say. “Make it work.” Over the years training with him, I think he was really saying, “Make life work.” So, give others something they can use so that they can become greater than they know. I got that from Sensei. That was part of his endearing legacy to me.
Once I deliver others something that they can use to grow and to develop, then it’s okay to “cheer”. “Yeah, you’re awesome…Now do it again.” It’s not all about me; it’s about them.
As Sensei, I give of myself to others so that they can grow on their individual journeys. We can all be that Sensei to someone. Perhaps, there’s no greater reward. Just saying.
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