My friend called me up to complain.
“She’s crazy,” he said. “And she’s driving me crazy.”
“Why don’t you break up with her?” I asked.
“I can’t. How would I ever get another girl that beautiful?”
Interesting.
Another time, my ex and I had dinner with another couple. The husband was verbally abusive. When he left the room, we turned to the wife. “Why do you stay with him?”
“I’m just a clerk,” she responded. “How could I afford this lifestyle without him? Besides, he travels a lot, for work. So I’m happy when he’s gone.”
These people put up with bad behavior from their partners because they felt they were lucky to have someone that beautiful/rich. They tolerated abuse because they felt they couldn’t live without the beauty/wealth. They felt their partner was worth their pain.
I wanted to tell them — you don’t deserve to be treated like shit. You don’t deserve to be taken advantage of, to be used and abused. No one should get to treat you like crap because they are beautiful/rich. You deserve better.
But then I realized — maybe they didn’t deserve better. They feared losing what they truly valued. This held them back and caused them to compromise their integrity. It’s why they gave away so much.
Maybe they did deserve what happened to them, because all they could see of value in a partner was appearance or wallet size. The thought of having to “settle” for someone “of lesser value” terrified them. So maybe they were making the right choice.
Society tolerates all sorts of crap from the rich and the beautiful. Why wouldn’t this spill over into peoples’ personal lives?
There is a Spanish proverb — “Take what you want, says God, but then pay for it”. Maybe that applies in this situation. If you stay with an abusive partner because they bring beauty or wealth to the relationship, then you’ve made your choice. Now pay the piper and stop complaining about it.
OR…. realize you deserve better and leave. Look for a partner based on mutual respect and love instead of the other stuff.
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Previously published on medium
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Photo credit: by Amir Taheri on Unsplash