What would you do if your wife left you out of the blue?
99% of the people would choose one of these options: eat tons of ice cream, party with friends, become depressed, or just move on. Nothing strange about that, right?
What’s interesting is how the other 1% would react.
Kevin Cotter took an unusual path to heal his heartbreak (to say the least). When his ex-wife left, she chose not to take her wedding dress. So Kevin did the obvious thing.
He created a blog with 101 different ways to use her dress.
Kevin took pictures (you can check some here) and started a blog. The list includes creative uses, like a Santa sack, a jump rope, and a pasta strainer. The idea is so funny that the blog grew, and Kevin even turned it into a book.
It sounds like just a funny story. And it is. But Kevin’s attitude can tell us a lot about heartbreaks.
Men grieve as well.
When a couple gets a divorce, it’s easy to imagine the heartbroken woman. She’ll have ice cream, cry with her girlfriends, and suffer for months. But what about the man? Why is it strange to think about a man crying over his ex?
Failed marriages hurt both parties.
When you get married, you create high expectations. You chose this person to share your life with. This person changes your routine and your future: your holidays, children, and even small habits like preparing dinner together.
Your spouse becomes part of your identity.
When you break up, you don’t lose only your partner. You lose part of yourself. You lose the plans, the emotions, your routine, and even tangible things, like the house you live in. You lose the person you could become.
You’re allowed to grieve relationships. Your partner may not have died, but part of you kind of did.
So before you start with some “positive thinking” bullsh*t, let people deal with their negative emotions. It’s healthy to grieve for your lost future (instead of ignoring it with the power of manifestation).
Yes, men grieve as well.
Yet, grief isn’t always how you think.
What comes to your mind when you think of grief? Crying? Wearing black clothes? Staying all day in bed? These are all valid ways to express your emotions.
Yet, grief can come in different ways.
Kevin found an unusual way to express his feelings: Comedy. You’d think it’s weird to use such a nice emotion to deal with heartbreak, right?
But your creativity is a way to process grief.
You don’t have to shut yourself down from the world to deal with your problems. You can express emotions through painting, writing, and photographing. When you create a project, it gives you meaning.
Emotions are the heart of creativity.
There’s no right or wrong when it comes to healing your heartbreak. If you’d rather stay in bed for a week, go ahead. But your recovery doesn’t have to be as harsh as climbing Mount Everest. You can find a fun way to express what you feel.
You don’t control how you feel. But even if you’re going through a heartbreak, remember it doesn’t have to be the end of the world.
How to use your power.
I don’t think Kevin did it intentionally, but his attitude shows a superpower: he learned how to interpret things. Let me explain.
We’re trained to think things are either good or bad. Let’s take Kevin’s example: getting married is good, and getting divorced is bad (it’s safe to say many people would agree with this). But that’s an oversimplification of things. Things are never good or bad. They just are.
What makes something good or bad is your interpretation.
You’d think getting divorced is bad. But what if this divorce is precisely what gives you the motivation to pursue your dreams? You lost your partner, but you finally did what you wanted. Is that good or bad now?
Kevin created a new meaning for his divorce.
I’m not saying it made him happy (I don’t know him personally). But he made the best out of a sad situation. The 101 Uses for My Ex-wife’s Dress helps him express his creativity and makes other people laugh.
Kevin didn’t dwell on his grief. He interpreted it as an opportunity to have fun. So he used it as a means to make himself stronger.
Your interpretation shapes your actions. That’s your superpower.
…
Let’s be honest: change is uncomfortable. Even when you can find a new meaning to your traumatic situation, it still sucks. Change brings you to places you don’t know.
Humans hate the unknown.
Your heartbreak will take you to unknown places. You’ll meet new people, eat new food, and even move to a different house. But it doesn’t mean this change is bad. For Kevin, it took him to a funny project.
Yet, you can use different strategies to overcome your discomfort. Maybe it’s time to finally start that project you’ve been waiting for.
Let me leave you with one last piece of advice: when you focus on yourself (and your projects), you heal faster. You don’t control what happens to you, but you control how you respond to it. So take it as a chance to grow.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: iStockPhoto.com