Embed from Getty Images
—
We men are a strange breed. Many of us still feel the need to adhere to macho agendas and to put on a front, yet at the same time, many of us don’t want to grow up and would happily remain 12 forever if we could. We feel pressured into working hard, making money and being successful and, at the same time, we would happily spend all day eating Cheetos and playing Call of Duty.
As a freelance writer, I am often called upon to write about men and humans in general and recently I have learned some rather bizarre and even worrying facts about us. In this artice, I’ll look at the things that are hurting us as a sex and the ways that we can change the outcome for the better.
◊♦◊
#1. Suicide
Problem #1:
Suicide is so often connected to mental illness. It is a product of the times, with people feeling like they have no other way out. It’s tragic, it’s scary, and it gets worse when you consider that, as a man you are 350% more likely to kill yourself.
Based on that stat alone you would be forgiven for thinking that men are more likely to be depressed and to suffer from mental illnesses, but that’s just not the case.
Women are twice as likely as men to develop anxiety disorders and mental health issues in general. This applies across all age groups. What’s more, while the stats for men have remained stable, the suicide rates to be on the up and mental health issues are also increasing for women.
Solution #1:
As men, we just don’t open up as much as we could. We are stuck in a macho mindset that stops us from exposing ourselves. We don’t want to look weak. We don’t want to be seen crying and we don’t want to let others even know that we can cry.
I know this from personal experience. I’ve had mental health issues and I’ve contemplated suicide many times. I grew up in a very macho environment, with a father who thought mental illness was an excuse to be lazy and that only women cried. I consider myself to be an open, emotional person now but had to condition myself to become this way.
Once I started accepting that men do feel the full range of emotions and that we can let our guard down, then life became easier for me. I’ve discovered the best thing about opening up around other men is they will reciprocate. Deep down, we’re all sensitive souls.
Of course, there are many reasons that people kill themselves and it’s not just down to bottling up emotions. But that seems to be one of the biggest factors.
◊♦◊
#2. Crime
Problem #2:
It seems like your divorced female friend was right, men really are bastards. Okay, not really, but if you look at the statistics then you would be forgiven for thinking this was the case. The ten most prolific American serial killers are men, as are 99% of serial killers in general.
It’s not just serial killers either. You are considerably more likely to commit a violent crime if you are a man. Just under 99% of rape cases reported are committed by men. That probably won’t come as a surprise, but I’m not finished. In more than 80% of cases, burglary, arson, motor-vehicle theft and vandalism are committed by men.
Solution #2:
Only a small minority of the population will actually commit a violent crime. It’s not a male problem, it’s a human one. The only way to change these numbers is to make violence less of an acceptable act and to understand where real violence comes form.
The baby boomers might choose to blame computer games. Anyone born before generation X may blame combat sports like Boxing and MMA. But computer games and violent sports don’t make killers.
Time and time again research has shown that video games can actually help to reduce stress, which is a major trigger for violence. As for violent sports, the people who participate typically have more discipline than the average person. They know when to fight and when not to. There are exceptions, but if you know anyone who makes a living as a fighter you’ll know that they are often the calmest, kindest people you can meet.
The first step to finding a solution towards a less-violent world is to understand where that violence comes from in the first place. I don’t have the answer for that, but I know that blaming computer games, combat sports and heavy metal music isn’t it.
◊♦◊
#3: Scams
Problem #3:
It probably won’t come as a surprise to learn that men are more likely to fall for scams based around online trading and gambling. The image we all have when we think of the New York Stock Exchange is of angry, coked-up men in suits shouting down phones and willing to put it all on the line for pride. This isn’t very far from the truth. Mistakes are made, pride is at stake, adrenaline and testosterone come into play and that’s why many more men fall for scams in this industry.
However, what happens when you venture away from the trading floor? Well, it seems like women are more likely to fall for dating scams on sites like POF, whereby relationships are established and then the scammer begs for money to save some fictional life. But when you factor in other online dating scams, as well as things like the BeNaughty scam (which is really more of a rouse), men are more likely to be the victim.
And then you have travel scams. Men are considerably more likely to be the victim of travel scams and these are growing year on year purely because more men are falling for them.
Solution #3:
Control plays a big role. We all remember childhood holidays when Dad tried to take control, refusing anyone’s help, even though it usually meant he got lost, booked into the wrong hotels and was probably scammed several times along the way.
Thankfully, modern man is a little less gullible because many of us don’t have that power trip that previous generations of men have had. But it still exists and it plays a big role in why we get scammed. Holiday scammers target men because they know we are often too proud to go to the police if we are robbed. This is basically why honey traps work.
We don’t want to admit we are lost or don’t know what we’re doing, and at the same time we think that we can do everything ourselves. Scams exist because they play on this sense of control that some men have.
The scammers appeal to it and then take advantage of it. The same goes for most scams. They are often lubricious and only work because they catch the victim at the right time. If there is someone else there to confirm doubts, then they don’t work. So, relinquish control. We don’t need to be the general behind every purchase or the savior on every budget conscious vacation.
__
Get the best stories from The Good Men Project delivered straight to your inbox, here.
—
Photo credit: Getty Images