When I first fell in love with my partner, I went all out to impress him.
I tried on four outfits before finding one I thought he’d like. I practiced my smoky eye to look sultry on our next date. I looked for moments to compliment his success, intelligence, sense of humor, or looks. I hung on his every word, asking questions to seem interested and keep the conversation flowing.
Fast forward twenty years.
Sweats and messy buns have replaced sexy outfits and perfectly styled hair. Quick “How were your days?” have replaced long, deep conversations. Criticisms have replaced compliments, and evenings at home have replaced date nights.
Though some of these changes are negative, some are also extremely beautiful. For example, my long-term relationship with my husband allows me the freedom to be who I am and openly communicate my needs and desires.
However, as wonderful as my partner is, I sometimes want the butterflies of new love back. I’m pretty sure he feels the same.
As a matter of fact, I’m pretty sure everyone in a committed relationship craves that first-time falling-in-love feeling.
So if your long-term partner seems inattentive, distant, or disinterested, there are steps you can take to rekindle his passion.
How to light the fire again
Compliment him.
That big tough guy of yours has a second grader inside him who still wants his artwork displayed on the refrigerator. Even though he’ll never admit it, he wants to be reminded that you see the same magic in him you did at the beginning of your relationship. So let him know — a lot.
To really make your praise special, be honest and specific in your compliments. For example, say his homemade barbeque sauce would make Gordon Ramsey jealous. Tell him he has beautiful eyes. Mention you appreciate how hard he works for your family or how awesome he is for keeping the lawn looking beautiful.
As author Croft M. Pentz says, “Praise, like sunlight, helps all things to grow.”
And nothing is more true of a committed relationship, especially when you’ve been with your partner for years.
Sit down and listen to him (sitting down is a requirement).
Let me make a bet. (Just so you know, I hope I’m wrong.)
You talk less to your partner than anyone else during the weekdays. (Don’t feel guilty. I do the same thing.)
After all, it’s hard to carve out quality time when there’s laundry that needs doing, dinner that needs cooking, or kids that need tending.
However, if you want to rekindle the romance, you’ve got to carve out time to give your man your attention.
And this “talk time” doesn’t have to be long to be effective. What’s important is that when he comes in from work, you focus on what he says. Show him you’re interested. Ask questions. Remember to follow up the next day.
Rule one: Scrolling and texting are not allowed.
Rule two: Make eye contact. It’s the number one way to make him feel important and loved.
Amp up the attraction.
If you’ve been with someone for a long time, you love the fact you can let it all hang out. However, if you want to create fireworks, don’t let it hang out all the time.
I’m not saying you go home and redo your makeup. ( If you’re like me, you run to wash it off the minute you open the front door.) However, there are small things you can do to make him take notice.
- Touch up your perfume. (Here are some types guys like.)
- Wear pj’s that are comfortable yet figure-flattering. If you’re up for shopping, buy a pair in red. Numerous studies show men are more attracted to women wearing this color.
- Use skincare products that give your looks a boost.
For example, after you wash your face, put on a moisturizer to make your skin look hydrated and glowing. For instance, L’Oreal Paris Skincare Age Perfect Rosy Tone Face Moisturizer uses peony extracts to create a rosy glow. Next, apply tinted lip balm to make lips soft and supple. Finally, add just a touch of mascara to finish things off.
Tips like these may seem like small things, but they make a difference.
A word about date nights
Have as many of them as possible, and be sure to praise your lover and listen.
As for your physical appearance, be bold. Pull out all the stops. Wear the red lipstick that makes you feel sexy or the short skirt that shows off your legs.
You’ll feel like a vixen if you do.
And your partner?
He’ll feel like making out in the car after dinner.
It’s a win-win, right?
The bottom line:
Author Lebo Grand states:
“Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. The best thing is living seductively; which is about finding new ways to make the same person fall for you daily.”
In any good marriage, falling in love isn’t something that should happen only once. It’s true you and your partner can’t go back to those first glorious months, but you can create more magic. And the more magic you give, the more love you’ll get back.
Trust me.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
—
Photo credit: iStockPhoto.com