Why do we ruin the best kind of kids’ sporting events?
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I never believed the urban legends you hear about parents getting into fights at kids’ sports. I
thought they were myths that float around suburbia of over-testosteroned dads reliving their glory days through t-ball, soccer for four-year-olds, and Pop Warner football…really showing those other parents whose second-grader is gonna play quarterback in the SEC someday.
Apparently, I was wrong.
Recently, my friend Sam (not his real name), a sweet guy, a married father of two children, got into an honest-to-goodness fist fight with another dad at his son’s baseball scrimmage. He has the battle scars and the police report to prove it.
During the game, Sam requested that a belligerent parent refrain from using offensive language toward coaches, umpires, and the kids themselves (I know, right?). The parent waited for Sam in the parking lot and attacked him in front of his 10-year-old. Sam had to defend himself and they fought. The parent was banned from all his son’s future games and was arrested by police who were called to the scene.
Really? People. Are. Crazy.
So here’s my Public Service Announcement to any parent who has ever started a fight at his/her kid’s sporting event (yes, there are crazy mamas out there too, y’all). Come to think of it, here’s a PSA for ALL parents on the sideline at kids’ sports.
1. Your kid isn’t the next Peyton Manning, Kobe Bryant, or Derek Jeter. Somewhere out there is ONE mom or dad whose kid is. But it’s probably not you.
2. Your kids will never remember whether they won or lost a particular game, but they will remember and, more importantly, imitate your reaction to the coaches, referees, and other adults.
3. Violence isn’t the answer. Just…ever. Don’t get into fights, and find another way to settle conflict.
4. Those adults out there with your kid? They’re either volunteers or paid professionals. One is selflessly giving time so kids can learn and enjoy sports. The other has risen to a level where someone believes they should be paid for their expertise. You don’t have to agree with coaches or referees all the time, but you might appreciate that they’re out there with the kids while you’re on your ass in a lawn chair. If you think you can do better, volunteer or apply for the job, and report back in six months.
5. It’s just a game. Repeat that to yourself whenever you need to. It’s just a game. We aren’t ending world hunger here. We aren’t finding the cure for cancer. This isn’t a life or death
situation. It’s just a game. The world has real problems, but that last botched call in 8U baseball isn’t one of them.
6. Organizing sports has taken the fun out of sports. Kids have an innate sense of fairness that we lose as we get older. My favorite times to watch my kids play sports are in our neighborhood, when kids of all ages are teaming up. They are their own referees. They create rules to enhance fairness. For example, when my 5-year-old son gets up to bat, the older kids don’t just give him three strikes. They pitch until he hits. When he finally hits, they count to five before they throw to first base. I didn’t tell the kids to do this or even to include him. They did it themselves. This is the best kind of kids’ sporting event.
7. Love your kids for who they are and the amazing talents they possess. If your kid’s talent isn’t sports, then you’d better be in the front row at the violin concert or art exhibit
cheering him on. Your kid may not have the same athletic prowess that you did as a child. Your kid might not have the same passion or love for the game that you did (or still do). And
THAT’S OKAY! There is nothing more heartbreaking than parents who are angry and disappointed when their kids don’t want to play sports, or worse, force their kids to play
anyway.
I’m not calling for the end to organized sports (I LOVE sports!), but I am calling for common sense, fairness, respect, and sportsmanship. Most of all, I’d like to see parents back off. Yelling? Criticizing? Fighting? They don’t belong in a place where kids are learning and trying to have fun.
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Photo: Craig Kirkwood/Flickr
This essay originally appeared on Carrie On, Y’all
Thank you so much for writing this- I have always had such issue with how seriously parents take their kids’ games and the yelling that goes on. To hear about this actual fight makes me sick! Sharing this everywhere I can!!
I get that for some parents the issue is one of misplaced pride – the feeling that their kid is the next coming of and anything that interferes with their kid’s game is a crime against greatness. I don’t have a lot of patience for those people. However, I believe that many of the rest of us parents are struggling with other primal emotions when our kids play: Love and Fear. I put a lot of years into building my toddler up emotionally and protecting her from all hazards – a few years later and I have to throw her… Read more »
Actually, you’re both right, as far as generalizations ever are. But I’d agree with DJ that the vast majority of athletes that ever competed at any kind of advanced level are not “that Dad/Mom”.
Few minor points here, as I’ve seen it during my years of coaching. Can’t blame this on men, Carrie. I’ve had to break up women too, and they can be just as vile as the guys. Those men in question, however? you got it close. Almost. They are not “reliving their glory days” vicariously through their kids. They never had glory days, and that is the problem. It is men chasing their masculinity, something they never had or ever will have. Those old athletes? They have no need for such. They’ve done battle, they know that it is not all… Read more »