The Good Men Project syndicates content on Medium via two accounts: The Good Men Project and Agents of Change. Following are the top “stories” (as medium calls them) in March 2021 on the Agents of Change account. Here’s a look, in case you missed them:
#5 — How Do I Get Over Being Used? She might have used me as an emotional band-aid to forget about her ex.
By Harris O’Malley, curated in “Hello, Love”
Hey Doc,
So basically I recently “broke up” with this girl. The reason I’m phrasing it like that is because we only dated for like a month. During the time I was dating her, I realized she had an abusive ex who gaslit her, was emotionally negligent and also implicitly fat-shamed her by joking that she needs to lose weight. I was very empathetic to her situation and realized she was still healing from this abuser.
However, as I spent more time with her, I realized that she brought up her ex every time I was with her. She broke up with me because she had recently found out that her ex was cheating on her during a time in their relationship when things were going very well. She told me that she is not ready for a relationship and has issues trusting people who she doesn’t have any mutual connections with (we met through an app).
Now, our breakup was very amicable (I even cuddled with her after and kissed her goodbye) and I really respect her decision to not dive into a relationship that she wasn’t ready for. However, as time passed, I realized that she might have used me as an emotional band-aid to forget about her ex. When she found out that he cheated, the wound just opened up more and I wasn’t enough to forget the pain. I don’t think she was being malicious or that she was doing it knowingly, however, I do feel a bit used. [Click to read more.]
#4 — Five New Christian Cliches to Avoid
By Christian Piatt curated in “Co-Existence”
I was pretty amazed by the popularity of the first lists of Christian clichés I created (linked at the bottom of this article). I think it was because so many Christians saw themselves somewhere in the list and others (maybe even some Christians!) have been on the receiving end of these clichés and resonated with my frustration in hearing them pretty much my entire life.
Since that initial series ran, I’ve been thinking about other things Christians often say that tend to do more harm than good. So here are a few more to add to the list.
Bless his/her heart: This usually follows one of two less-than-Christian kinds of statements. Either it’s said after some kind of thinly veiled insult or after a juicy bit of gossip about the person whose heart you want to be “blessed.” Examples include, “Did you hear Nancy’s husband got caught sleeping with his secretary? Bless her heart,” or, “He’s not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, bless his heart.” [Click to read more.]
#3 — Three ‘Abilities’ You Can Develop to Make You Great at Love: Tor Constantino shares three personal qualities you can cultivate to become a rockstar at love and relationships.
By Tor Constantino curated in “Hello, Love”
As a society we often confuse sex and love; however, being great at love is much more than being great at sex. The fact is that relationships based solely on physical beauty and sex rarely last, because the relationship isn’t rooted in anything that endures.
There’s a proverb that states, “Beauty fades and charm is fleeting,” while there’s another bit of ancient wisdom that states, “Love endures all.” Based on those two axioms, it stands to reason that a relationship based solely on sex or physical attraction is destined to fade but love has the ability to last.
There are at least three “abilities” that help secure a lasting love. [Click to read more.]
#2 — This Is Why Your Life Sucks: The importance of boundaries and values.
By Matthew Fray curated in “Change Becomes You”
“Could you explain a little more about what you mean by core values?” Lisa asked.
Yes.
I think most people, including me, lack the ability to summarize their core values, and then shitty things happen afterward, and then we all struggle with trying to figure out why. But THIS IS WHY the shitty thing happened. Because we don’t know what our values are. Since we can’t go back in time, the only reasonable choice is to try to make tomorrow better than today.
Our inability to identify our values means we don’t REALLY know who we. And that prevents us from being able to communicate it accurately to others. [Click to read more.]
# 1 — Think You’re in a Relationship with a Narcissist? Here is why you need to shut it down.
By Betty Russell curated in “Hello, Love”
My client Tom had a sad story to tell me when we first met. He had been in a relationship with — he was firm on this point — the love of his life when suddenly he was tossed aside. His devastation was complete and the trauma tapped into his primal abandonment wound. As we talked, over the next few weeks, more information emerged. Though Tom was determined to believe that Megan was ‘The One,’ he admitted that the relationship had become an emotional roller-coaster shortly after they moved in together. Her original devotion to him played hide-and-seek with another version of Megan — the belittling, accusing, cold version. Still, he clung to Megan and the relationship because, after all, he was in love.
One day, she (very dramatically) stormed out of their apartment and relationship, saying that Tom was “the most selfish man” she’d ever met. (Can you say, classic projection?) OK, so what’s up with Megan? I explained to poor Tom that he had gotten himself tangled up with a narcissist, plain and simple. [Click to read more.]
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