Being open-minded and communicating has made my husband a healthier man.
My husband’s positive transformation is a reminder to me every day that a boy who grows up without his father under impoverished conditions and abuse can become a healthy man, husband, and father. Robert was definitely a bad boy who turned into a good man, no longer threatened by his insecurities.
As a child, Robert’s happiness and active imagination shielded him from his life of poverty. As a teenager, his manhood he suffered from emotional and physical abuse received from his mother, while deprived of guidance from his father. As a young man, negative thinking, anger, control and pride defined his manhood, which destroyed his relationships. His pride made it difficult for him to receive helpful feedback from family, friends and ex-girlfriends. Ignoring that feedback led to consequences that had long-term effects on his thinking and emotions. Robert’s journey of self-discovery forced him to address several deep insecurities, such as negative thinking, pride, and his manhood to become a better person.
Since we have been married, we have discovered that many men rarely speak about their insecurities to their partners or spouses in their relationship, especially younger men. The lack of communication about these insecurities often leads to challenges in relationships. In response to this issue, my husband shares his story of change with other men challenged by their insecurities so that they can rethink their manhood to become better men as well.
Here are five important lessons I learned from understanding my husband’s insecurities.
- A man’s thinking is a roadmap for determining whether or not certain behaviors will occur in a relationship. His thinking will help you to understand his behaviors.
- Manhood is based on a man’s beliefs and values as well as his past experiences. A man’s behaviors are a reflection of what he has experienced.
- Listening can be very helpful in understanding a man’s unique and dynamic blueprint. If a man is willing to speak, you should take the time to listen without criticism or judgment.
- A man’s response to relationship needs will help you understand his dynamic nature. A man will either adapt, look for an outlet or leave the relationship based on his thinking and level of maturity.
- Each man consists of mental, physical and spiritual components. To neglect any one of these components creates an imbalance. The spiritual component should be addressed as well as the mental and physical components for balance.
In our marriage, we often reflect and share the challenges we have overcome in our life and what has made us better people, not perfect, but simply better. Robert often talks about three key factors that have led him to rethink his manhood.
• First, receiving constructive criticism from many people, especially ex-girlfriends has stopped his denial. Robert knew that he had to change his negative thinking because they often led to bad behaviors.
• Second, no matter how hard he tried to do better in his own strength, he failed to change on his own. During those challenging times in Robert’s life, he was inspired by his mother’s teachings of God and the Scriptures. Robert understood the need for faith in the supernatural. As Robert studied the Bible and prayed consistently, he began to change on the inside and his faith in God’s word increased. God began to redefine Robert’s thinking of manhood, which was completely the opposite of everything that he had learned.
• Finally, Robert has learned that fulfilling his manhood includes discussing his insecurities, especially if they affect our relationship.
Today, Robert and I have a healthy relationship that centers on God and is built on love, respect, trust, honesty, forgiveness, and humility. Like any other couple, we have our differences. But, we resolve our differences through open-mindedness, selflessness, fair communications and listening to each other.
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Photo – Middle – Courtesy of Author