These are the days I hate
The days that I know I’ve let you down
The days that I am sure in the back of your mind you may be thinking is this how it starts? A missed date here, a delayed call there, text exchanges become more and more sparse
But this is where we are
This is where I am
I am walking a tightrope and I am halfway across
I can see the amazing life that begins for me once I reach the other side
Yet I hesitate, I am frozen in place with fear and trepidation
I look behind me and see the faces that I am leaving, the life I am leaving
I am gladly ready to jettison the bad
But what about the good
There is still some goodness when I look behind
Some part of that life that I still cling to with both hands
There is still uncertainly when I look ahead
The rope starts to shake, and I can feel myself losing my footing
If I fall, I lose everything, what’s behind and what’s ahead
Better off dead
Nope
Life is always the better choice because the human spirit endures despite the pain
So here I am balancing on this rope
Afraid to move forward and afraid to go back
But the longer I stand still, the more chance that I fall
I need to move soon, need to choose a direction
I need to do this for me and more importantly for you
You deserve my full attention and my final answer
This is the tightrope I walk
These are the days I hate
—
Previously Published on Medium
—