Great sex and lasting relationships are mutual undertakings that are nurtured by selflessness, the deliberate cultivation of what we call profound interest in one’s partner, a determination to be as kind as possible, even during difficult times, and a recognition that, while openness and honesty are important, discernment about when and how to be open and honest is equally important. Verbal communication plays a major role in developing the capacity to relate in this way; however, nonverbal skills are frequently of more consequence.
Connecting nonverbally and becoming skilled at recognizing nonverbal cues are central to building vibrant sexual and interpersonal relationships. In terms of sex, it’s essential to be able to talk about it, but too much talk at the wrong time can be an anti aphrodisiac.
Becoming skilled at nonverbal communication, using nonverbal tools to nurture your connection, is even more important. This is true both in sex and in life generally. Many people become somewhat nonverbal when making love, and there’s a large body of research that shows we respond to an array of nonverbal cues at a level below conscious awareness; for example, recognizing an angry facial expression without even realizing it.
Multiple senses are involved in reading nonverbal cues. We often consciously or semiconsciously take note of tone of voice, body language, facial expressions, breathing patterns, skin tone, and gestures. Although they involve the voice, laughing and crying are nonverbal expressions of emotion. These are only a few of the most obvious forms of nonverbal communication.
Excerpt from Partners in Passion: A Guide to Great Sex, Emotional Intimacy and Long-term LoveLove Mark and Patricia? Find them online at tantrapm.com and @PtrsInPassion.
Photo: Niek Verlaan