Men won’t tell you this, but these three things women do make them run.
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He was SO into you … and then he wasn’t. Here are the reasons he WON’T tell you:
We’ve all rented a room or two at the “Heartbreak Hotel,” maybe even on more than one occasion.
Sometimes, we say that we didn’t see the breakup coming (even when it’s approaching like a raging bull wearing a neon green shirt and pressing a blow horn). Other times, they truly do appear out of nowhere; everything was fine, until suddenly … it wasn’t.
No matter how a breakup comes about, they usually have something in common—three secret reasons your ex is likely hiding—secrets that keep him from fully expressing how he feels.
You may think: No way … this isn’t the case. Not my guy! Your man was sensitive, open, and cried at the movies. But, all men struggle with these issues, which confuse them and cause them to bolt.
Understanding these issues can help you get over a bad breakup … or, possibly help you get your ex back. Here are the three secret reasons men break up with really great women:
- He felt pressured and inadequate
Were you constantly chasing him? Did you want more love, affection, or sex than what he was doling out? Did you feel like you were frequently trying to “fix” things in the relationship?
If you can identify with any of these, there was definitely an imbalance in your relationship, and more than likely he felt pressured and inadequate in your presence. And it’s important that you know … that’s not at all your fault.
Most men run from emotional pressure like they’re running for their lives (because, in their minds, they are running for their lives). Emotional pressure challenges the underdeveloped part of a man’s masculinity and makes him feel ill-equipped to deal. In his mind, he feels like anything he does isn’t (and never will be) good enough for you. This causes men to naturally shut down and lock their hearts up like Fort Knox, rather than deal with any more feelings of pressure or inadequacy.
- Your relationship felt competitive
If a man has to compete with a woman for control of the relationship, he not only feels inadequate, but also like there’s no place for his masculinity in his woman’s life.
Keep this in mind: it’s very important.
This isn’t to say that a man should control the entire relationship, that’s unfair to both parties. Rather, a successful relationship has complementary forces where each person relinquishes control in certain areas. If this doesn’t happen, both parties end up in competition—both compete to win and, in the end, the relationship loses. This dynamic shows up in scenarios like these:
- In a social context with friends! Did the two of you get in arguments about who was “right” in front of friends?
- Financially, who is the breadwinner? Did you make more money than him? And more importantly, was it ever brought up in a way that emasculated him?
- Relationally, did you constantly make the decisions in the relationship? Where to eat, what fun things to do, or what movies to attend?
If he felt like you were against him instead of for him, he never felt fully capable of opening his heart because he was afraid of losing the “game” and getting hurt.
- He didn’t feel respected
A man can’t build a life with a woman who doesn’t respect him. He has to feel that his partner has his back above and beyond anyone else — he must know that in his weakest moment, she will shower him with acceptance. Because, you see, here is the hidden truth about your value: you are the key to his greatness.
In order for him to unlock all that he has within him, including his tenderness and willingness to commit, he needs a deep and underlying foundation of respect.
With a high caliber woman by his side he can take greater risks in life and actually experience more freedom than ever possible by himself.
So now that you know the reasons why he left, how do you start to get him back? It’s time to reflect and begin to take immediate action to rectify the situation if you still truly love him. Once you know how to breakthrough his defenses and touch the deepest part of his heart, he’ll feel an overwhelming calm and trust that you truly (finally) get him.
If you need a little help winning your ex’s heart back, take a look at Clayton Olson and The Romance Code’s Project: Ex.
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You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project
Compliments Men Would Love to Hear More Often | Thirty-One Reasons Men Don’t Cheat | What Makes a Man Attractive? | Here’s What Happens When You Find The One |
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This article originally appeared on YourTango. For more like this from YourTango, try:
If a man can be emasculated by another than he came to the relationship already fragile/broken. Anytime someone bases their identity/confidence on the actions of others they have created a dependency on that other. This dependency can lead to violence against women when she “emasculates a man” by not being or acting in ways that reinforces his masculinity. Please do not build male pride or identity on a female foundation.
Wow. Just wow. Did you just tell women that their value is about being a key to a mans greatness? The only key to your greatness is yourself. Women are not responsible for your emotions or your successes or failures. As an adult that job falls on you. If your insecurity makes it difficult for you to accept your female partners success, the problem is your insecurity and not her success. If you don’t possess emotional intelligence and an ability to tolerate intimacy, that is your problem to heal, and it’s not on her. I can’t believe it’s 2017 and… Read more »
I would love more articles on how to help a man express himself. As women, we are emotional creatures and have access to our emotions. Unfortunately, our society has groomed men to believe they’re only allowed anger. Thus, only allowed to be part human. If a person is emotionally stunted, they are at the mercy of such uncomfortable emotions.
Well.. speaking on behalf of this man.. .I find this article to be solidly located in the state of victim-hood. Let me clarify my meanings. 1 If he (or she) feels pressured or inadequate, then this is about them – Not the partner. Feeling inadequate in the relationship is almost always about feeling inadequate personally. This indicates that there is something being triggered within you and you need to address it. Blaming your partner is irresponsible behavior, pure and simple. 2.If your relationship felt competitive, then that is an issue for both partners involved and you need to work on… Read more »
I’m at a point in a relationship that he’s asked for space. I not dealing with that very well and came across this article. I read it and it imedeatelty felt worse as it implied that ‘it’s all my fault’. Thank you for your comment. It helps!
Financially, who is the breadwinner? Did you make more money than him? And more importantly, was it ever brought up in a way that emasculated him?
Are you kidding?! What Freaking decade are we in?!
This makes me so mad. This point implies that women who make more money than a man are going to scare him off. This is insulting to women, but also to men. Seriously, this is unhelpful and unrealistic advice that panders to outdated gender stereotypes.
OMG….’Financially, who is the breadwinner? Did you make more money than him? And more importantly, was it ever brought up in a way that emasculated him?’….like wtf…again 1950’s trope to be adhered to…me thinks not….seriously haven’t we ventured anywhere in the last 40 years??? ‘Relationally, did you constantly make the decisions in the relationship? Where to eat, what fun things to do, or what movies to attend?’ ….and this…..ummm….maybe he’s just not that into you…that you have to be the one organising his/your life. This article is just shit all round…so much lack of anything that speaks of real time,… Read more »
Why does it matter who makes more money? If I’d be making more money than my partner and he’d be offended or intimidated by that or feel inferior because I’m genuinely doing a good job and I’m having a bit of success, then he is more than welcome to gtfo. He’d do me a big favour breaking up with me.
it doesnt. Maybe thats why they say dont use it to belittle or emancipate the other if you do. Read the article knob. your attitude Andreea….eeew!
“Most men run from emotional pressure like they’re running for their lives (because, in their minds, they are running for their lives). Emotional pressure challenges the underdeveloped part of a man’s masculinity and makes him feel ill-equipped to deal. In his mind, he feels like anything he does isn’t (and never will be) good enough for you. This causes men to naturally shut down and lock their hearts up like Fort Knox, rather than deal with any more feelings of pressure or inadequacy. ” I dunno, but that all sounds like some pretty patronizing feminist gibberish to my male ears.… Read more »
Hell no, it isn’t feminist, it is mysoginist… it supports ideas that men need to feel superior in terms of what they earn, being the top-dog etc. That isn’t feminist, it is what feminists fight against.
This is twisted 1950’s BS. When your value is established through the lens of someone else you are not in touch with your worth. This pablum has been fed to both women and men for too long. For example “Emotional pressure challenges the underdeveloped part of a man’s masculinity and makes him feel ill-equipped to deal”. Solution: DEVELOP. Adults are self-referencing, Two healthy people in a healthy relationship would simply prioritize good communication, not gamesmanship about “how you MAKE him feel”.
yep!
I couldn’t have Put it better
I assume if he never complimented you, made you feel beautiful, or told you things that made you feel appreciated, you would just “develope,” right? Seeing all the female responses here, and it’s no surprise so many marriages fail. Many have been hoodwinked by the feminist lie that there are no differences between the two semesters, and if a man isn’t what you think he should be, then he must change, otherwise be labeled an immature twit. Men need to be different emotionally, one person in the relationship has to be able to see events, actions of others in a… Read more »
I’m glad the author used the words ‘feel/felt’ about what the guy was going through. The women in these cases are lucking out. These ‘men’ are not ready to be in long term committed relationships is they feel any of these things. This article should be directed at men about things they may be unaware they feel that they should work on, not at women so they understand and change themselves.
yes.. its very dangerous for women in already dysfunctional relationships.. to keep trying to rescue him.. where is his or own mothers responsibility to RAISE himself rather than relying on the womean to grow him.. if he is looking outside himself for validation, then he gets in a cycle of neediness and then can immaturely claim victim mentality when really it can become a habitual controlling tactic by him.. …. and a whole lot more.. in this day and age their is so much narcissism and dangerous pathology that articles like this can encourage women [or men] to stay in… Read more »
Accurate