We aren’t dumb. We know bad guys are heartbreakers and cheaters. So why do we let the good guys finish last?
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“The nice guy finishes last” adage is one we are all well aware of. We’ve heard it since the 10th grade, back when the nice boys were always the ones without dates to homecoming.
A woman blatantly passing up a good guy for a “bad” and inappropriate one is a concept that sounds completely ludicrous and, quite frankly, makes no sense. Yet, it became a popular phrase for a reason.
So, why do we do this?
Why do we, as women, let the good guys finish last? We cast aside perfectly good gentleman with manners, careers and good hearts for those who are far from deserving of our time and attention.
These guys are charmers, heartbreakers, players and cheaters. Perhaps, they don’t even have a drive when it comes to careers and their lives.
We aren’t dumb. We know these guys are bad, and we know they are definitely not going to give us our fairytale endings. But from time to time, we choose them over the good guys.
Crazy as it may be, there are reasons why we let the good guys off our hooks and cast our lines back into the sea to fish for bad ones.
Whether it’s conscious, or subconscious or a lovely combination of the two, when a woman chooses an inappropriate man-lover-potential-dude, there are several possible underlying reasons.
But, they are tiny pieces that make up one big reason: She knows the relationship will never work out.
1. She is scared of commitment
Some women just love being single, and you know what? That’s totally okay.
When a woman is in love with her single self, but sometimes feels the ails of living a solo life (loneliness, horniness, etc.), an inappropriate guy becomes her prime target.
She knows “locking it down” and “wifeing her up” are not apart of this guy’s game plan, and that makes him a safe bet.
In this scenario, a good guy comes with the pressure of a relationship, and has the potential to go somewhere serious.
Since she doesn’t want that, she knows she will eventually have to be the one to end it.
The possibility of the uncomfortable breakup conversation and hurting a perfectly good gentleman’s feelings are enough to deter her from even giving him the time of day.
In her mind, she’s just saving him the pain and energy.
2. It’s a way to guard her heart
After a woman has her heart broken, it’s impossibly difficult for her to imagine giving her heart to another guy. Doing so is putting it at risk of having it torn to pieces all over again.
Choosing to date a guy who is inappropriate in whatever way (player, married, friend’s ex, etc.) safeguards a woman with an uneasy heart.
She will not open up for this guy, so she will not experience another potential brutal heartbreak.
3. She never verbally sets a dating expectation
Most of the time, when women start dating or talking to new guys, everyone wants to know where it’s heading.
In the scenario of dating someone she knows is bad news, she might not even tell anyone about him.
If she does, she prefaces the relationship description with whatever reason makes him undatable.
Once a woman voices out loud to an audience, “I want to date him,” and it doesn’t work out, she feels like a dumbass.
Having zero expectations in her mind and in the minds of her friends puts less pressure on the relationship. It grounds the relationship in “it’s never going to work out, and it’s just for fun” territory.
4. Feelings and attachments do not happen
If she does start to develop feelings for her carefully chosen inappropriate man, it’s much easier to talk herself down.
The glaring reasons of why it absolutely will not work out, whether he’s married, has a girlfriend or does not have a job, are used as shovels to bury her feelings.
She’s able to convince herself she really doesn’t feel anything at all and just got caught up in the moment.
5. She assumes there will be no breakup
Honestly, breakups suck. Undoubtedly, the worst part of a breakup for women is the “getting over it” process.
The nights spent drowning in wine on the couch are not fun, and the past memories of these times forever haunt us.
Women choose to date inappropriate guys because they assume it won’t end in a classic gut-wrenching breakup. It will be emotionless and clean.
Any or all of the above helps to solve the formerly unsolvable equation of why the good guy finishes last.
Sometimes, a woman feels more emotionally protected when entering a relationship with a guy she knows she will not end up with.
To the good guys out there, please use this information wisely, and don’t resent the women who passed on you for the bad ones.
You were just too good for us at the moment. We are cognizant of that fact, and we’re just saving your time.
By The Ambrose Girls.
Originally published at Elite Daily. Reprinted with permission.
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About the Author: Karen & Kristy are twins who write about all things dating & girly. Raised in the Buckeye state and graduates of OSU, the girls now live in Nashville. Look out, being twins means 2X the dating drama! Want more? Read at theambrosegirls.com.
——Photo: Hans/Pixabay
@ John Anderson, “I was the same guy I was a few minutes earlier.” Yes, John you were the same guy, PHYSICALLY. What changed is how you were perceived. When you started flicking the knife around, you were perceived differently. This is no different than your friend who bought the motorcycle you mentioned in another piece.. We as men tend to be linear thinkers. Women are more relational in their thinking. Once they saw you with the knife, they changed how they related to you. Maybe you became more adventurous, dangerous, intriguing, interesting etc.. to them. That is what I… Read more »
@ Silke @ Jules As I think about it, ut may be a mixture of all three; part informational, part to soothe hurt feelings, and part to justify behavior. I think part of the issue for me was that I was both the nice guy and bad boy sometimes at the same time. A friend’s sister had just bought a new house and she was having a house warming / BBQ. It was over the summer so I decided to wear shorts. The pockets aren’t as deep as the sweats I usually wear. The neighborhood was unfamiliar so I brought… Read more »
Ditto on Jules and John. Personally with stupid women like this I’d considered I dodged a bullet. I had one in particular like that and I was really spared. I hate guys like this too. If you’re upfront and honest well then that’s fine and fair. Then then the other is the stupid one. But players are liars Snr I will not tolerate that. Not one bit for any reason
@ Mark,
“Personally with stupid women like this…..”
There is nothing wrong with disagreeing with them. But, why call them stupid?
They simply have a different view. A view I happen NOT to share. But, it is their view
Because they’re liars if they’re not being honest about what they want. I consider liars stupid.
So a guy who screws around with a married woman because he doesn’t have to worry about her getting pregnant shouldn’t be resented? We should just all realize that he was just horny or wanted some excitement in his life at that particular time.
@ John Anderson,
Honestly, unless it was your wife why would you even give a rat’s ass? Seriously…
Maybe the message for men is not to become emotionally invested (especially early) and to have zero expectations. Live in the moment. Just go with the flow. It is not for me. But, maybe a lot of men can spare themselves a lot of heartache and misery by taking this road.
In essence, do we men simply need to start imitating women?
nope. Elite Daily is notoriously feminist. so… smh.
Karen&Kristy I think this a good article and I surprised at the two comments that invalidate you Karen and Kristy’s feelings and experience instead of listening to what you tell and try to understand it. If a man invalidated me and told me I was lying when I shared deep feelings like these then the turn off would be 100% and everlasting ! He is free to not like what he sees when a woman opens up, and it is his privilege to say he does not want to have anything to do with women that shares inner thoughts like… Read more »
I think there are a few different ways you can take this article and probably more than a few. One , you can take it as them simply stating a fact and providing information. I think you’re probably in this camp. Two, you can view it as her trying to make the “nice” guys feel better by saying that it’s on us. Three, you can look at it as them trying to justify their behavior, which seems to be the camp Jules is in. I read it again and have to agree with Jules. I would have agreed with you… Read more »
@ silke, Obviously my reply upset you. Well, you offer an entirely different perspective on this article. I never considered my reply an invalidation of anything. But, I guess this is how men and women see things so differently. Perhaps it reflect my lack of understanding of women in general. I don’t know. I re-read this piece two more times, carefully. After you comments to me, I do see where they were being upfront about their feeling and views… “She knows the relationship will never work out.” “In her mind, she’s just saving him the pain and energy.” “it’s never… Read more »
Jules
If you do take a break from GMP ,then please return.
This site will to be the same without you and I will miss you terribly .
My computer is down.
I will write a long explanation later on.
Do not leave us Juoes.
These are some of the most immature, lame, and totally irresponsible reasons I have ever heard. Why can’t women just say they like the bad ass guys, players, charmers, etc! Just admit what is blatantly obvious to the entire world!!!!! Frankly, it is your business and you can date and screw whom you damn well please. I simply reserve the right to reject you for having done so… Hey, if you want to f$%k the big man on campus, damn go ahead. Don’t come back and say you did because “you were going through something”, or “my head was not… Read more »