We aren’t dumb. We know bad guys are heartbreakers and cheaters. So why do we let the good guys finish last?
“The nice guy finishes last” adage is one we are all well aware of. We’ve heard it since the 10th grade, back when the nice boys were always the ones without dates to homecoming.
A woman blatantly passing up a good guy for a “bad” and inappropriate one is a concept that sounds completely ludicrous and, quite frankly, makes no sense. Yet, it became a popular phrase for a reason.
So, why do we do this?
Why do we, as women, let the good guys finish last? We cast aside perfectly good gentleman with manners, careers and good hearts for those who are far from deserving of our time and attention.
These guys are charmers, heartbreakers, players and cheaters. Perhaps, they don’t even have a drive when it comes to careers and their lives.
We aren’t dumb. We know these guys are bad, and we know they are definitely not going to give us our fairytale endings. But from time to time, we choose them over the good guys.
Crazy as it may be, there are reasons why we let the good guys off our hooks and cast our lines back into the sea to fish for bad ones.
Whether it’s conscious, or subconscious or a lovely combination of the two, when a woman chooses an inappropriate man-lover-potential-dude, there are several possible underlying reasons.
But, they are tiny pieces that make up one big reason: She knows the relationship will never work out.
1. She is scared of commitment
Some women just love being single, and you know what? That’s totally okay.
When a woman is in love with her single self, but sometimes feels the ails of living a solo life (loneliness, horniness, etc.), an inappropriate guy becomes her prime target.
She knows “locking it down” and “wifeing her up” are not apart of this guy’s game plan, and that makes him a safe bet.
In this scenario, a good guy comes with the pressure of a relationship, and has the potential to go somewhere serious.
Since she doesn’t want that, she knows she will eventually have to be the one to end it.
The possibility of the uncomfortable breakup conversation and hurting a perfectly good gentleman’s feelings are enough to deter her from even giving him the time of day.
In her mind, she’s just saving him the pain and energy.
2. It’s a way to guard her heart
After a woman has her heart broken, it’s impossibly difficult for her to imagine giving her heart to another guy. Doing so is putting it at risk of having it torn to pieces all over again.
Choosing to date a guy who is inappropriate in whatever way (player, married, friend’s ex, etc.) safeguards a woman with an uneasy heart.
She will not open up for this guy, so she will not experience another potential brutal heartbreak.
3. She never verbally sets a dating expectation
Most of the time, when women start dating or talking to new guys, everyone wants to know where it’s heading.
In the scenario of dating someone she knows is bad news, she might not even tell anyone about him.
If she does, she prefaces the relationship description with whatever reason makes him undatable.
Once a woman voices out loud to an audience, “I want to date him,” and it doesn’t work out, she feels like a dumbass.
Having zero expectations in her mind and in the minds of her friends puts less pressure on the relationship. It grounds the relationship in “it’s never going to work out, and it’s just for fun” territory.
4. Feelings and attachments do not happen
If she does start to develop feelings for her carefully chosen inappropriate man, it’s much easier to talk herself down.
The glaring reasons of why it absolutely will not work out, whether he’s married, has a girlfriend or does not have a job, are used as shovels to bury her feelings.
She’s able to convince herself she really doesn’t feel anything at all and just got caught up in the moment.
5. She assumes there will be no breakup
Honestly, breakups suck. Undoubtedly, the worst part of a breakup for women is the “getting over it” process.
The nights spent drowning in wine on the couch are not fun, and the past memories of these times forever haunt us.
Women choose to date inappropriate guys because they assume it won’t end in a classic gut-wrenching breakup. It will be emotionless and clean.
Any or all of the above helps to solve the formerly unsolvable equation of why the good guy finishes last.
Sometimes, a woman feels more emotionally protected when entering a relationship with a guy she knows she will not end up with.
To the good guys out there, please use this information wisely, and don’t resent the women who passed on you for the bad ones.
You were just too good for us at the moment. We are cognizant of that fact, and we’re just saving your time.
By The Ambrose Girls.
Originally published at Elite Daily. Reprinted with permission.
About the Author: Karen & Kristy are twins who write about all things dating & girly. Raised in the Buckeye state and graduates of OSU, the girls now live in Nashville. Look out, being twins means 2X the dating drama! Want more? Read at theambrosegirls.com.