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Many men feel “attacked” when conversations are literally just talking to them about what language to use. This seems to make some men feel “excluded”, “marginalized”, “unable to participate
We can not allow people to be sexist, but there has to be a solution that allows men to participate.
We need men who acknowledge that sexism does exist and that by being complacent to it, they are supporting it, much the same as racism, homophobia, or other forms of oppression.
Oppressed people – whether through racism or sexism – don’t have the ability to say, “Just feel the love and stop using labels.”
The antidote is not kicking them out.
- We need strong male leadership in these discussions
- We need to listen to women explaining their lived experiences vis a vis sexism
- We need vocabulary and ground rules
We never want anyone to feel like they can’t participate or speak up. We want people to learn. However, sexist comments need to be checked. The problem is the manlash that transpires after being challenged about a sexist comment. Voices raise, people talk over each other, mansplaining manifests everywhere.
Ways to deal with the communication:
- Simply explaining and working with the concept of mansplaining
- Discussing the history of patriarchy, sexism, and feminism
- Discussing the concept of purity and rape culture
- Discussing ambivalent sexism (hostile and benevolent)
Allies have to learn how to be uncomfortable. The discomfort of being told how to be a better ally pales in comparison to actually being oppressed.
Men, who are well-intended, but blind to their privilege and subject to the very patriarchal upbringing we are trying to dismantle, don’t see how sexism and misogyny are connected to the disposability of men…or to their mental health.
Most men who talk about sexism are already feeling uncomfortable just by having the discussion, no matter how advanced they feel their understanding is. That could be why we see the intense reactions and emotive backlash, because these men are already feeling vulnerable. There is a balance that can be found here, where we are pushing their comfort zones, while speaking truth to power…it does not have to be either/or.
There has been ground gained in women’s rights, but we are far from stopping sexism. Trying to deny or “water down” the fact that sexism exits will not move us forward.
We can allow for ingenuous discussions, but we do not have to tolerate deflection. Deflection takes the discussion from the real point. It is like ignoring a problem instead of trying to solve it.
We are here to try to solve sexism by stopping it, are you with us?
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What does feminism mean to men? It’s both personal and political.
I think that men are not going to be interested in classical feminist theory – why would they? It’s aimed at women.
I think that men are not going to be interested in classical feminist theory – why would they? It’s aimed at women. No I really don’t think that is the problem as that makes it sound like men don’t care about women which I don’t think is true. To me the reason men don’t have much interest in feminism is because when it comes to men feminism seems to either exacerbate issues that are harming men, tries to hijack issues that are affecting men and reframe them as being about women, hypocritically seeks to give those they agree with a… Read more »
What I mean is, feminism is for men too. If we take it as a given that equal rights for women is a good thing, then it can’t exist in isolation: the implication all along is that men and women both need to change. Also, feminism clearly affects men and women in different ways. Lots of work has been and will continue to be done about how it affects women. But what does it mean to men? In my experience, it’s beneficial to have the talents of half the population be allowed to show themselves. Men need to learn how… Read more »
What I mean is, feminism is for men too. If we take it as a given that equal rights for women is a good thing, then it can’t exist in isolation: the implication all along is that men and women both need to change. But its not just changing its the kind of changes being implied. When it comes to feminism the implied changes are that women need to be empowered and men need to acknowledge male privilege and do better for the sake of women. But what does it mean to men? In my experience, it’s beneficial to have… Read more »
Cannot take articles like this seriously when you continue to use sexist terms like “mansplain,” which stereotypes all men with a certain behavior that is not gender-specific.
Go read the comments below, particularly Danny’s.
Elissa’s got the funny version.
For example, you might want to talk about the benefits to men, and society in general, of doing away with sexism towards women. I wouldn’t bother pandering to those guys who scream “misandry!” at every mention of women’s rights – they’re on some kind of bizarre other trip that involves not growing up. I for one like strong women – because I like strong people in general. She doesn’t have to be a “tough guy” – just have her shit together, and that’s it. People who are strong / have their shit together are more valuable to me. You might… Read more »
I don’t think these discussions are ever going to get anywhere, since they always get swamped by the Mens Rights bullshitters. All you’re ever going to get is 99% crap. It’s like trying to have a conversation with Isis about how great Taylor Swift is. Any serious discussion is hijacked straight away by no-brains, for whom reality isn’t a “thing”, and the game is “nothing is my fault”. I think you’re better off just producing articles, and leaving the comments sections for smug self-righteous no-brains to congratulate each other in. It’s hard for “normal” men to really find anything to… Read more »
You’ve asked this kind of question before. We told you what the problem was, you kept on doing the same old same old. There’s no point in banging our heads against the wall. You want to figure out the problem? Try listening to the people who comment on your articles
I witnessed a man mansplaining while he was manspreading, the other day.
After a few minutes, he turned completely to liquid and washed out over the floor.
It was the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen.
We’re not going to get more men into this conversation until we move away from the paradigm of feminism to the paradigm of egalitarianism. The yearly Gallup polls give us all the data we need here. Most men (and most women!) embrace women’s rights and at the same time reject feminism. There’s a damn good reason (actually a bunch of reasons) for that. And no, sending out Emma Watson (or whoever) to make a “pitch” for a feminism that doesn’t exist isn’t going to convince anyone that it is not an ultimately destructive movement – if our goal is to… Read more »
The reason you’re not seeing many men in the conversation on sexism is because you put so much effort into narrowly defining our place in it that if they don’t fit said narrow role we get kicked out of it or get ignored. And what’s worse instead of looking at how our prescribed role in the conversation is contributing to us getting kicked out or deciding not to participate you instead just double down on expecting us fulfill the narrow role you have set out in front of us. Many men feel “attacked” when conversations are literally just talking to… Read more »
I agree with Danny. And I think that’s all that needs to be said.
Danny nailed it.