Home on wheels
We bought a van. It’s not the right kind.
We learned that too late. It’s not high enough. It could be just a foot longer and make a hella lotta difference for lanky landlubbers.
1. Please give us vehicle options
Our first demand then, is a van the right size for a middle-class couple to live in. People have lost homes, and jobs, and need shelter. Some creative entrepreneurs should note this.
Our first demand sails carefree-highway-like into our second: Vincent Van Go is too small because we did NOT want a gas guzzler.
2. Energy efficiency, or electric?
May we please have an energy, efficient, clean, Vincent Van-Go Re-do?
Billionaire investors, please provide solar, electric tiny homes on wheels. Obviously, those of us who love the land want to protect it, not pollute it.
If we hated nature as passionately as some of these obnoxious road hogs, we would assault her mightily with a ginormous land-whale Titanic R.V. complete with satellite dish and loud reality shows to drown out the sweet songs of rapidly vanishing songbirds.
3. Demand number three: Please stop burning down America
A while back, our first summer camping was just part time. We headed up to the wilds of central British Columbia. Beautiful. Beautiful. But guess what else? On fire.
Yes, while visiting upon the one hundredth birthday of my greatest, grammpa’s homestead, ashes fell on our heads. We were not allowed campfires. It was hard to breathe. We drove all the way to Alberta to get beyond the smoke.
If you are an idiot wanting an explosive gender reveal party, I have just one favor. Please don’t. Also, please don’t reproduce. There are enough of you guys already.
We have tons of work ahead to stop the worst heat and climate crisis damage. Seeing some splendid places should be an inspiration, not a last, desperate chance to see it before it’s gone.
4. Demand number four: affordability
Campers want free, or low-cost, admission to all the national parks.
We were born before the time of gender reveal parties. Not yet old, but getting there, we noted that in our parent’s time they had a “Golden Eagle Pass.” Free admission to all national parks. That was eliminated. Now “retireds” can buy a “senior” pass, (rather than gracefully age into ) AND pay a fee on top of that. Otherwise, you are shuffled off to a hideous private campground where those giant, terrifying and loud RVs are blaring out the same godawful reality show from Demand number two.
Why aren’t we all — young, and old — entitled by the old Woody Guthrie song to soar with the Golden Eagles? It’s especially horrendous when we can’t even sing by the campfire because of the fires.
Also, affordability is a sexism and racism issue. Nature “bought” is nature selfishly hoarded.
5. Demand number five: don’t mess with the wildlife
See the cute chipmunk in the photo above? She is sitting near our NON-USED fireplace, munching on a dropped, stale marshmallow because, again, gas guzzlers and climate changers burned the place down.
Wildlife numbers worldwide are plummeting. Habitats are disappearing.
It’s tempting to want to entice chipmunks and/ or any cubs with treats. Don’t. Just don’t go near the wildlife because that’s why we are in a pandemic. If we could let animals and whole forests just live their lives, then even more of us could afford to live anywhere we wish.
Recently, we’ve read ranchers want to kill wolves in Idaho, and hunters want to slaughter bison elsewhere. Fine. Let’s fairly “cull” when human numbers and wildlife numbers are more balanced: one billion people = one billion bears.
6. Nature is who we are, let’s unplug and re-create
Recreation is just that: to literally re create.
Living virtual lives online should be a campfire horror story.
We have dangerously lost sight of nature. We can’t close her out and expect her to survive. The world-running powers will use earth up so long as any dollarable earth “resource” exists.
Rather we have to align with nature. Learn her wisdom. Abide by her limits. Thrive in her abundance. Appreciate her alpine air. Breathe her forests. Swim in healing waters. Respect ourselves, by learning reciprocity. We must work harder to live in nature, not leave her to the wolves of Wall Street.
Those wolves are the evil kind. They need to be culled, but maybe we can recreate them instead.
Previously Published on medium
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