I want to talk with you about living in the kind of life and relationship you really, really want.
I didn’t say “getting” the life you want or “having” the life you want.
What if you just DECIDED to start living the life you want right this moment?
What kind of man would you have to BE in order to make that choice?
We seek permission – acceptance – reciprocation – validation. We wait for others to give us what we want instead of just LIVING LIKE WE WANT.
There’s a lesson here so I made this video to explain it further.
I’ve been reading and thinking a lot lately about the idea of “having the life you really want” or “getting the life you’ve always wanted to have”.
Those words – “having” or “getting” – started to play on my mind.
It implies that it’s some place to go to. It implies that you’re not there yet so you’d better just keep banging your head against the wall and keep searching for it. Or, you’re waiting for the perfect conditions where somebody might give you permission to have a happy, engaged, sexual, sensual life of connection.
What if happiness, connection, sexuality and affection weren’t places to go to? What if they were places to come from?
What the hell does that mean?
I thought of something this morning that made it clear for me. Sometimes a very simple analogy is all I need to flip a switch in my head that makes me go “Yeah, I think that that is what’s going on with me”. Maybe this is what is going on with you too.
Here’s my analogy.
My family has had a slew of Golden Retrievers – lots of dogs – but especially Golden Retrievers. I’ve had Casey, Cody and Jake – my dad had Rusty – and my brother had Jasper and Barley.
They were all born with the most affectionate, playful, happy, connected looks on their faces and their energy is TOTALLY non-negotiable love, connection, happiness, goofiness and playfulness.
Aren’t we all born with those things? We have no fear at all about being affectionate, connected and happy in our own skin. We have no reason to.
Marianne Williamson said “Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn”.
I think we learn to fear all kinds of things over the years which make us act less and less like a golden retriever.
Golden Retrievers Don’t Give a Shit.
They don’t care if you’re not happy.
They don’t care if you’re not affectionate.
They don’t care if you’re not feeling connected.
They don’t care if you’re having a bad day.
Golden retrievers DON’T GIVE A SHIT.
What if we men started to think more like that? Why don’t we believe we can behave and embody the energy of a Golden Retriever and just BE a kind man – an affectionate man – a respectful man – a considerate man – a sexual man – a hugging man – a kissing man?
Why can’t we live the life of a Golden Retriever who doesn’t give a shit?
The answer is clear.
We start to fear what other people will think if we’re unapologetically affectionate. We’re afraid of reactions. We’re afraid of rejection of our attempts for connection, touch and intimacy.
That fear builds up inside and tells us to stop acting like a young child. Stop acting like a Golden Retriever.
But we’re still magnetically attracted to people and animals who still act that way.
You may know some people like this. They actually live the life they want on their terms.
They’re not going anywhere to find it. They’re not waiting to have it. And they’re not depending on anybody else’s mood or behavior to give them the life they want. They’re coming from the assumption that they are already there. Their belief is that they are already well into the process of being that person.
And that was the epiphany I had today. I still have a lot of fear about what people might think and what they might say. I still fear rejection and avoid people who are in a bad mood. And it’s that fearful energy that makes me feel uninspired and uninspiring to the rest of the world.
I’m going to start embracing my inner Golden Retriever.
And that’s the challenge I want to give you today. Spend the next 7 days in the skin of a Golden Retriever. Kiss what you want to kiss. Hug what you want to hug. Chew up what you want to chew up. Eat what you want to eat And don’t give a shit.
Be that dog.
Be that man.
My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.
I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE
Photo: reneedora08 / flickr