In taking about Bill Cosby with black men, rape culture was validated, and my role to mitigate it was made clear.
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What’s the f*cking point with all these women coming forward decades after a rape allegedly occurred?
Doesn’t the statute of limitations prevent prosecution of Mr. Cosby anyway?
Mr. Cosby didn’t rape those women, he’s rich, he’s doesn’t need to steal pu**y.
I feel bad for Mr. Cosby, his legacy shouldn’t be tarnished like this, he’s America’s dad.
I hope Mr. Cosby is far removed from the negative media blitz, it’s terrible.
Why didn’t these women come forward sooner?
Well, the unsealed document doesn’t actually prove he raped anyone.
This is a coordinated attack to criminalize the black male image.
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In the last twenty-four hours, since news broke that Mr. Bill Cosby once admitted to retrieving quaaludes to give to women he wanted to have sex with, those statements and questions, in one word or another, have been uttered by several black men with whom I associate.
In the conversation in which these sentiments arose, I pushed back a little, and even did some self-reflection, as to why my black male friends and I are so dismissive, at times, of the more than 40 women who claimed Mr. Cosby, a celebrity who, unsolicited, assumed the role of Black America’s moral authority, raped, groped or sexually assaulted them.
The answers I received, for the most part, followed a general theme: Yo, it’s Bill motherf*cking Cosby, he’s innocent until proven guilty and those women should’ve come forward earlier, it seems fishy now… I’m just saying.
Even with what many perceive is a bombshell admission of guilt, many I spoke to said Mr. Cosby “probably” did it.
To a degree, I was shocked and disappointed at the level of denial exhibited by my friends, but I, too, struggle with visualizing someone who was a larger than life figure as a monster capable of doing the unthinkable.
I didn’t take the confusing emotions I felt when talking to my associates lightly. It called for more than a pause, it called for serious self-reflection and honesty.
What I was realized was that patriarchy, hero worship and rape culture are real things; and I, and many of my associates, sometimes help to perpetuate them simply because were unaware of these concepts, thus we aren’t conscious of when we’re indulging in them, or their impact on others.
In a lot of ways, it is a male privilege. But just like with white privilege, in most cases its a birthright – we live in a male dominated world where in a lot of churches women aren’t even allowed to sit on the pulpit – and thus instinctual actions and words carried under the banner of male privilege are not intended to harm, offend and/or ostracize, though that’s exactly what they do.
The Black men I spoke to, including myself, don’t hate women, it just the opposite, actually. But just because we love, appreciate and honor women don’t mean we don’t unknowingly benefit or maintain a paradigm of patriarchy and rape culture.
A lot of it, I’m sure, can be traced back to the Church, where the invincible and untouchable “Man of God” roles play out. Pastors, to many parishioners, are heroes and larger than life figures who are seemingly beyond reproach.
But that social rule causes many to view powerful men in general as beyond reproach, and even thinking about scrutinizing or criticizing them seems wrong, or, in this context, sinful. This is, in its purest form, hero worship.
If anything good has come out of this Bill Cosby controversy, it’s that I have a greater understanding of the concepts of patriarchy, hero worship and rape culture.
I’m a good man, but I could be a better, and I could start by, at least, struggling against my male privilege and leveraging it to be a better ally to women. Because, as a colleague politely reminded me today, it may be a man’s world, but it’s nothing without a woman or a girl.
*Tune into 900amWURD or 900amWURD.com every Friday evening during the 6 o’clock hour to hear me relive #TheWeekThatWas*
Thanks for reading. Until next time, I’m Flood the Drummer® & I’m Drumming for JUSTICE!™
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Photo: Getty Images
People have to keep in mind that Dr. Clifford Huxtable, TV character, didn’t commit these crimes. “I’m not an honorable man but I play one on TV.
Do the values that came through the TV series diminish because an actor is a scum bag?
What boggles my mind is that he knew what he didn, ya’d think that when the first case surfaced, you’d think he would have disappeared from site … gone away for ever.
To Editor(s)..
It should be “In talking…….NOT “In taking…”
Otherwise, great article…
PS..Not trying to be snarky here.
I wasn’t trying to say that him being male had nothing to do with it and I should have included that it does.
What I was trying to say was that in this case of Cosby a lot of the denial comes from the fact that until his show came along there weren’t that many positive images of black male masculinity (and there haven’t been many since frankly). They are holding onto what he did in the past.
@Danny, You make a great point. The real issue in our community is that we do not hold our leaders, moral, political, or icons accountable for bad behavior. We have preachers/pastors who are engaging in some of the most insidious and predatory behavior. But, we allow them get away with it. Why look at Bishop Eddy Long of the Atlanta megachurch…. Lastly, the irony is that it is not White men who boom the lyrics of “hoes ain’t loyal” or that Black women are bitches and hoes. It is us Black men. So, misogyny runs deep in our community. Contrary… Read more »
I can agree with that.
Should it be tolerated that black women throw black men under the bus?
Cause that is what is really happening.
Black women use the legal system to destroy black men.
How do black women throw black men under the bus?
Honestly, black women are probably the most marginlized group of all out of white men, black men and white women.
Here’s the thing about it.
I personally wasn’t sure one way or the other and always of the mind that these claims should be checked out. Yes a lot of people did dismiss it like the writer here says but for A LOT of people changed their minds once that court document came out.
To me the long standing denial is because he is famous. Seriously if you compare this to other cases of non famous men accused of rape the denial (or even caring about the case) doesn’t run that strong.
If you talk with women who are victims of rape, you will find that there is a lot of victim blaming that happens and a fair amount of disbelief to their claims. of course, there are some women that cry rape falsely and it’s these women who do a horrible disservice for women who truly are raped. But there does seem to be a cultural mentality that if a woman is raped, she must have did something to deserve it or that she “wanted it”.
If we as a a society is so prone to victim blaming why is it that in the court of public opinion we have absolutely no trouble in pronouncing a man guilty when there is zero evidence? If we were into victim blaming how did we end up with ‘mattress girl’ and ‘Istandwithjackie’ and the infamous ‘duke lacross’ case? All the men in these cases were being trialled and found guilty in the court of public opinion with no evidence. Even after evidence showed that these cases were demonstrably false we have nay sayers who still believe said ‘victim’ and… Read more »
It’s not just black men.
Look at the comments from Whoopi Goldberg…
Yes Whoopi Goldberg. Funny that she’s gotten death threats over what she said about Bill Cosby and the usual suspects aren’t jumping to her defense.
I guess if you have the wrong opinion its okay to send you death threats.
I am more interested in talking about this issue from the personal experience of the author in the way he presented it, that he had with his male friends then talking about any one individual celebrities view point. Our opinions as a society matter, not any individual celebrity.
The author saw a strong theme in his friends responses to the Cosby scandal and recognized how it has contributed to rape culture. What are you thoughts on the author’s experience with his friends and the comments they made?
“The Black men I spoke to, including myself, don’t hate women, it just the opposite, actually. But just because we love, appreciate and honor women don’t mean we don’t unknowingly benefit or maintain a paradigm of patriarchy and rape culture.”
And that is the heart of the issue. Thank you for being a man with the courage to say it.