This week I’ve had a number of phone calls from worried clients about dealing with breakups with people they have labeled narcissistic. Over the past few years we have become obsessed with the label narcissist. Why? Our culture has increasingly become more narcissistic over time and we seem to love diagnoses that explain human behavior! It is easier to blame someone else than see where our own healing needs to take place.
There is, however, also a profound spiritual explanation.
Since 2012, the world has been undergoing an energetic shift. If you are a sensitive person, you may have been unknowingly catapulted onto a healing journey around this time. If you are religious or spiritual, you may have followed the discoveries that are summarized in the book, When God Had a Wife, that outlines the systematic forced disappearance of Goddess worship in the Judeo-Christian traditions. You may have simply just felt compelled to read about history or always had some esoteric interest in ancient cultures. You may have binged watched Star Gate or watched the first season of Messiah in one sitting. Whatever form of exploration has popped up, there is a reason for it.
“The great calamity of the last two thousand year is that the goddess’s fate in Judaism was repeated in Christianity. The religious movement in which the divine feminine was supposed to be a cornerstone hastily airbrushed her out, leaving the spiritually incomplete faith we see today.”
— Lynn Picknett and Clive Prince
Since 2016, which heralded the start of the #MeToo movement, we have been energetically shifting to course correct the imbalance in feminine energy on this planet — especially in the West. Women have been driven to reclaim their voices and stand in their strength. They have been motivated to go after finances and build successful careers. They have been motivated to seek power. This is not by accident. We are being reminded of who we really are and just like the ancient Goddesses that we have long forgotten, women and feminine energy is a powerful force.
We simply have been forced to suppress it for thousands of years in order to survive.
When my feminine energy clients call to talk about how to deal with a narcissist or how to deal with a difficult romantic situation, I not only share my healing journey (which will be highlight in more detail with my forthcoming book, Toxic Insecurity), I share why it is so damn hard to get to the point where you can stand in that goddess like energy and simply say, “no.” Our voices were taken away and we are being asked to reclaim them.
Why is it so hard to be powerful?
Relational trauma and the intergenerational transmission of trauma, domestic violence, and financial abuse has made it incredibly difficult for generations of people to stand in their power and say no. We have to heal co-dependent patterns in our own lives and probably from past generations. We have to heal our fears of poverty passed down from our grandparents generation who lived through the Spanish flu and the Great Depression. We have to heal our immigration stories (which is everyone except Native Americans in the US), our fears of who we really are, and our fear to step into a place of authenticity. It has been hard because we have simply been busy trying to survive every day life.
We now, for perhaps the first time in history, have a real opportunity to do this healing work and step up in a new way. Stepping up into our power requires committing to a healing journey to realign our own feminine and masculine energies internally. It means taking the chance that the narcissist who has caused so much pain may simply be the opportunity and the messenger that we have work to do on setting our own boundaries. Saying no is a boundary and a powerful message but is often one of the scariest things we will ever do in our lives.
What Does this Mean for Masculine Energy?
What is happening right now is the start of a massive shift towards healing masculine energy. When the Harvey Weinstein verdict was read, it heralded a new age where men would have to return to their knowing that goddesses, who demand to be treated with respect, would be the ones holding future power. This is no easy transition and it will not be a painless one either. The way this resistance is manifesting in our personal life is through inappropriate sexting, aggression and other narcissistic like behavior. Why? People with predominant masculine energy are now being called to heal their wounds as well. The problem is many of them have zero tools in their emotional toolbox to deal with these changes. Many men are used to using sex to feel connected and to distract themselves. While women may walk into such a journey in a more mindful manner, men often do not and feel frustrated, scared and lost.
Healing masculine energy can only be done when we have healed our relationship to our own feminine energy. It means having self-compassion, kindness, empathy, a love of our own body, a love of our ability to create and a deep respect for receptive energy. Once that is in place, we can work on our giving energy. Men have been unknowingly exploring their feminine energy for the past few years and I know there are lots of women who are looking forward to the day when they reemerge in a more balanced manner.
Ancient goddess mythology helps us understand the power inherent in our physical beauty, in our artistic gifts, and in our ability to love. Aphrodite, the Goddess of love, was considered one of the most beautiful goddesses in the Universe. In fact her beauty was so powerful, it would start wars. She, however, was not always the nicest. Aphrodite was known to go after the gods she wanted only to leave them when she was bored. She had a reputation of being cruel and was accused of never wanting to settle down. That was until she fell in love with a mortal man named Adonis, who she would spend the rest of her days loving unconditionally. Adonis would die (despite her warnings) and she would spend her days trying to resurrect her love. The myth of Aphrodite and Adonis is not about Adonis being the hottest man on the planet. It is about Aphrodite’s power of love to bestow life.
Love is the most powerful energy we have. We simply have to realize that to truly love, we have to step back into the powerful position of reclaiming our right to say yes or to say no without it coming from a place of fear.
How do You Start to Reclaim your Power?
You choose to start your healing journey. This may mean going to therapy. This may mean starting mediation or yoga. This may mean going to acupuncture, taking a dance lesson, starting an art class or to simply commit to your personal development. This means you shift your perception away from being the victim of a narcissist and start taking responsibility for your life.
My journey actually involved a lot of travel. Last year, I ended up in Athens, Greece where I was fortunate enough to participate in a meditation ceremony for the Goddess Aphrodite. Her temple ruins are located under the Acropolis and you can see it from the hills surrounding the area. At dawn, we sat on a hill and my guide, conducted an ancient guided meditation for Aphrodite. Afterwards, we gave an offering of seeds to the forest near a tree. In all of my spiritual journeys to date, this was perhaps one of the most powerful spiritual experiences I’ve ever had.
This journey is the hardest journey one can embark on. Facing our fears, including our financial fears is not easy. But if you have dealt with a narcissist your whole life, there is a reason for it. You simply won’t be able to see it unless you start your journey and you do not have to do this journey alone.
Unfortunately, most people will never start. Despite being reminded that there are powerful female warrior archetypes around to remind you of how wonderful you really are — the fear of change and our toxic systems often keeps people chained to their current situation. But bravery and valor are traits we honor and respect in our world. Choosing to use your courage to step out of a cycle of negativity is valor in everyday life. Waiting to be saved is no longer an option when the whole world is conspiring to help you along your journey. A narcissist is just a spiritual test to move through and now there is more support than ever (even if it doesn’t feel like there is) because we no longer have to hide in our suffering. As our voices come back, we can begin to simply say no to others that tarnish our values and yes to those that support us.
“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.” — Lao Tzu
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Previously Published on Medium
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