We are starting conversation about the serious issue of abuse and violence, because the abuse of men affects women too.
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“Emotional abuse is underneath all other types of abuse. The most damaging aspect of abuse is the trauma to our hearts and souls from being betrayed by the people that we love and trust.” — Robert Burney
This is the first vlog from the maker of Forced Into Silence, a documentary about men, abuse, violence, and how they affect both men and women. These vlogs will be following the development of Forced Into Silence and the factors involved in the abuse of men.
La Shawn Pagán is a journalist and documentary filmmaker that has been previously featured in The Good Men Project because of her innovative documentary Forced into Silence – which focuses of male victims of domestic violence and sexual assault.
We have asked her to collaborate with us to bring you a series of video blogs [vlogs] to bring awareness of the issue that is continuously being ignored by mass media and law makers alike.
Take a look at the four and a half minute video and submit your questions and/or comments so that she may answer them in upcoming vlogs – that way, the much needed conversation about male victims can be started in a positive and proactive way.
To learn more about Forced into Silence you can visit her blog that features articles about men victims of domestic violence and sexual assault, information on how to detect an abusive relationship, and links to websites that cater to men in these situations. If you’d like to find out how you can help the cause, check out the fund raising page at: GoFundMe.com/ForcedintoSilence.
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Photo: Luke,Ma/Flickr
@ Randy and CW. First of all, let me start by saying that I absolutely agree with you, that starting the project with the statement “because it helps women,” is misguided. I would much rather see it as an appendix, saying, “and also, understanding male victims is crucially important to the understanding of the dynamics of abuse in general.” I also agree that there are many “misandric feminists” out there (and I myself experienced their blind violent outbursts). But feminist movement (like any other group of people) is far from homogeneous, and while there will always be female mirror images… Read more »
So, the reason we need to have this conversation about abuse of men is BECAUSE IT AFFECTS WOMEN? This is EXACTLY what’s wrong with the mindset of GMP and feminism generally. As things have evolved over the past 50 years in the feminist movement, clearly men and boys, and their needs and rights, have become marginalized in the thinking of active feminist women. So now, out of the mouth of GMP and this “journalist” comes the remarkable assertion that we actually SHOULD care about men and boys, and their needs and rights – because of the effect that denying such… Read more »
@ Randy (and CW). First of all, let me start by saying that I absolutely agree with you, that starting the project with the statement “because it helps women,” is misguided. I would much rather see it as an appendix, saying, “and also, understanding male victims is crucially important to the understanding of the dynamics of abuse in general.” I also agree that there are many “misandric feminists” out there (and I myself experienced their blind violent outbursts). But feminist movement (like any other group of people) is far from homogeneous, and while there will always be female mirror images… Read more »
There is a book called How to Win Friends and Influence People, chances are you’ve probably heard of it. The whole premise of the book is about getting people to see your side. One of the chapters focuses on the idea that to bring someone to your cause you need to start with them on the same level that “they’re at” and then slowly introduce them to more and more information. Why? Because they have a certain framing of the world. Starting the conversation of “It benefits women too…” is starting at the ‘mental level’ of the people who we… Read more »
I’ve read the book many times. But guess what? This ain’t Amway, or a class in how to sell life insurance. Dale Carnegie tactics are no substitute for speaking truth plainly and directly. And the plain fact is that feminism as a movement has been about entitlement rather than equality for a long, long time. Christina Hoff Sommers actually wrote a book about that subject, and was vilified by feminists for speaking truth to power. When women demanded equal rights and equal opportunity, they never couched their argument in Dale Carnegie terms. They didn’t say it would be better for… Read more »
The women’s rights movement is actually a perfect example of convincing by appealing to the common problem. Boiling it down to simple words, women said “look, you have this right, now imagine you didn’t have it, this is where I am, help me.” But here it is not women’s vs. men’s rights movement. Here is a particular situation and it is different. It is different because acknowledging male victims requires redefinition of social perception of abuse and harassment from being a physical coercion to social and psychological manipulation. If you simply wanted people to acknowledge male victims of the very… Read more »
@CW we should care what happens to men because they are people. However, there are a lot of people in the world that aren’t comfortable with hearing that, and some need to hear “because it affects women” so they can begin to pay attention – hopefully my documentary will change that 🙂
First I want to thank you for addressing the issue and for clearly caring about male victim and for your advocacy.
I must however say that the “what happens to men affects women” angle – although I see why you consider it a necessary strategy – is as jarring as when people are saying “What if it were your daughter/sister/mother?” when talking about female victims.
Fell right into that one didn’t I? When I Assume…
So you should care about men BECAUSE it affects women? The irony of that opening sentence….
I’ve come to the conclusion that in order to get help for men, it is necessary to either frame it as helping women or stating it in terms of women are the bigger victims, but can we pretty please get some consideration. It’s unfortunate, wrong, but also true. I’ve gotten to the point where I just acknowledge the external pressure activists who help men face and unless I believe that their strategies will be ineffective or hurt men, I tend to let that the “bowing to mainstream feminism” stuff go. Some things are more important. Check the other article. https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/opening-the-door-on-abuse-of-men-wcz/… Read more »
John Anderson: I’ve come to the conclusion that in order to get help for men, it is necessary to either frame it as helping women or stating it in terms of women are the bigger victims, but can we pretty please get some consideration. It’s unfortunate, wrong, but also true. — With all due respect, John, I totally disagree. All REAL power comes from holding the moral high ground. That was the power that enabled the very legitmate gains for women, in demanding equal rights. That same power is was enabled passage of the Civil Rights Act for black people.… Read more »
@ Randy “All REAL power comes from holding the moral high ground.” No, the power came from erasing the victim hood of others. Want to grab the moral high ground concerning racism. Deny that minorities can be racist. Call it bigotry instead of racism. Want to grab the moral high ground concerning rape. Make rape something men do to women. If you’re going to “grab the moral high ground”, make sure you do it without stepping on the bodies of others to get there. Think about how feminism treats female sexual predation. Think of how Jessie Jackson and other civil… Read more »
AVFM is a good example of what I’m talking about. Their appeal – and their success – with women like the Honey Badgers, Erin Pizzey, etc as well as men comes from their appeal to PRINCIPLE – ie simple justice and a call for universal ethics. Elam and company do NOT make their appeals based on baiting the hook with the argument that supporting mens and boys rights is good for women. In fact, as Erin Pizzey knows all too well, the key to understanding feminism’s resistance to the Men’s Rights Movement is (as per usual) FOLLOW THE MONEY. She… Read more »