A lot of us have been there. So let’s take a look at the bright side.
He came naturally into my life. Almost every woman knows him too. Almost every woman fell in love with him. Almost every woman tried to manipulate him to stay in a committed relationship with her. Almost every woman tried to avoid him. But almost every woman fell for him another time. Almost every woman over-interpreted his words and (non-existent) actions. So did I. One of, almost, all women.
He is single, good looking, charming, romantic, kind, self-confident and a freethinker. He is success-oriented, he is eloquent, he is positive, he knows how to complement and he means it from the bottom of his heart. He is a great cook, he is dedicated and passionate about his own life. He creates beauty, he cherishes good music, he invites you for a romantic dance, he holds your hand. He is active, open-minded, loves mindful talks and lives in the moment. He makes you feel like a queen. He makes you feel loved, desired and beautiful. He makes you breakfast, he is thoughtful, he buys your favorite food and sweets. He takes you out on beautiful dates to beautiful places.
We feel like we finally have what we really deserve. We feel like, finally, here he is – the great man, we’ve been waiting for, but then … he disappears as naturally as he came. Recognize him? Yeah? The let me introduce you:
The good old classy Jerk.
I had it all with him. Breakfast prepared with his lovely hands. Self made guacamole, because I love avocados. Best dates with mascarpone you can get, because I love dates. Jazz, dancing by candle-light. He wrote me thoughtful messages from business-meetings, he asked me every hour how I’m doing, he sent me pictures from everything, what moves him. We were in touch 24/7. I was feeling like a queen for the short period of time, we have been dating. He was the most adorable, caring, thoughtful and inspiring gentleman I’ve ever met. He is beautiful outside as much as inside. After such a short period of time, he really changed my life. I totally fell in love with him, but he wasn’t by my side anymore. It was my choice to over-interpret his actions and I was quite broken, after he somehow “disappeared from the planet earth”. But very fast I picked myself back up and asked myself those difficult and unpleasant questions:
Did he promise me any future? No. Did we have a talk about exclusive dating? No. Did he ever mentioned, that I’m the one? No. Did he say, that it’s me, who inspires him so much to do all those beautiful things? No. He just did it all, because he wants to reflect himself in beauty. He made me feel like a queen, because he wanted to reflect himself in that gratitude and happiness. He wanted to reflect himself in my smile, in my kind words and in my “I’m-so-in-love-kisses”.
Can I blame him, that he didn’t fall in love with me and didn’t want a committed relationship? I can’t. And I don’t want to. When I was complaining to my friends, that I don’t get, why he doesn’t want to meet me anymore, they all were responding, that he’s a Jerk. I totally still refuse to think about him in a pejorative manner. After I tried to come close to him, he didn’t make a step towards me, so what is there not to understand? It was so clear, that he isn’t interested anymore. And that is totally OK.
To my mind, many women should have a an innovative view on the classy jerks. It’s not up-to-date anymore blaming, hating or condemn them, because things didn’t work out. It’s about time to take away a new perspective and to learn very important lessons from those gentlemen. From my adorable Jerk I learned 7 important lessons about romantic relationships as much as about life. And ever since, I see things as they really are. So here we go:
Lesson Nr. 1
If a man has a crush on you, you will notice it. (He will be the white-fucking-knight. He will do it all to make you smile and he will show his interest openly in his individual way.)
Lesson Nr. 2
If he doesn’t have a crush on you anymore, you will notice as well. (If he doesn’t call or doesn’t try to meet you, what double-signs are we talking about?)
Lesson Nr. 3
A free-thinker needs freedom. For his personality, for his creativity, for his expression as a man. (If a man is as amazing, he is amazing, because he evolves and grows persistently. And as we all know, growth demands freedom and creativity.)
Lesson Nr. 4
All we do is just a mirror of ourselves. (If a man is a gentleman, kind and caring, it doesn’t mean he will propose. It only means he is a gentleman, kind and caring. Period.)
Lesson Nr. 5
The best choice you can make is to live a “problem-free-philosopy”. (Certain problems are always there, but it’s up to us how to respond to them.)
Lesson Nr. 6
No two men are alike. Comparing leads nowhere. (As long as I compared other men with him, I overlooked amazing, incredible, interesting, unique and inspiring qualities of other men. Of many incredibly amazing men.)
Lesson Nr. 7
Enjoy yourself as much as you can. (Doesn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman. Time is limited on this earth. Enjoy.)
He didn’t promise me anything. He wanted to create beauty in his life and I was honored to feel like a queen in his kingdom. I won’t lie, I suffered a tiny bit. I won’t lie, I tried to see him again. I won’t lie, I was angry, insecure and confused. But since the moment I saw the reality clear, there wasn’t any ambiguity. There is the fact, that I had a beautiful quality time with him and then our ways separated. I needed him in my life for my own growth and development. I took away priceless lessons out of this Liaison. Thank you, from my heart and soul, dear Jerk!
P.S. I use “Jerk” in a respectful and loving way.
This article was originally published on Think. Act. Grow.
Photo: Getty Images