While finding and maintaining friends is an essential aspect of your social and daily life, as you get older, it can become more challenging to locate individuals who share your interests and are prepared to listen to your pleasures, anxieties, happiness, and worries.
This explains why seeing someone who seems genuinely interested in spending time with you might occasionally make you feel too excited. This exhilaration could make you oblivious to another person’s true motives in your relationship.
There are instances when you may need clarification about whether someone views you the same way, whether you’ve just met them or have a companion you consider a friend.
How to Spot a Friend Who Doesn’t Want to Be One
You Always Reach Out to the First
Undoubtedly, our everyday lives may get quite hectic, but it could be a red flag if you frequently need to initiate contact with a claimed buddy via phone calls, messages, or emails.
Consider the person who is starting the conversation. When you total everything up and discover that you made the effort nine out of ten (or all ten) times contact was made, the other person might not view you as a friend.
They Do Not Respond Enthusiastically When You Contact Them
People may also indicate by their reactions to you during contact with you that they are not interested in developing a personal relationship with you.
When this occurs, you can notice that they only respond to queries with a single word or act unenthusiastically when they hear from you. The fact that you initially took the initiative to get in touch makes this situation worse.
They Avoid Meeting Up or Tend to Cancel Plans
Sadly, the amount of time you spend with someone might be a painful indicator that they are not interested in friendship.
After you go to the trouble of inviting them out for drinks, to a gallery opening, to see your place, or on another occasion, there always seems to be an explanation as to why they won’t be able to make it on the scheduled day.
Even worse, they can agree to meet with you to back out the day of the meeting using various delay strategies.
They Tend to Be Polite But Measured When Talking With You
By listening to how someone speaks to you, you may determine whether they have little interest in becoming anything more than a passing acquaintance.
While a friend could use easy language, exchange a few jokes, or generally connect in a light-hearted manner, a person that doesn’t consider you their friend may seem more official or professional, providing clipped comments when you meet up with them in person or otherwise engaging them in conversation.
You Put in More Effort Than They Do
It’s simple to demonstrate your concern for someone by calling to check in, setting up meetings, delivering presents, dropping by to see if their house plant needs watering, and other such actions.
Suppose you notice that you consistently put more effort into the relationship or show their putative companion highly unbalanced gestures of affection. This may indicate that they see your interactions as something other, generally less than a friendship.
They Are Not Active on Social Media with You
Even if it’s not always a sign that someone doesn’t want to be your friend, keeping track of your interactions with them on social media may give you a better idea of how things really stand.
It may be a sign that they don’t want to be associated with you in that area if they ignore your articles and postings or even try to ignore the comments you make on their social media.
Although social media shunning may seem insignificant, it may be a reliable indicator of how someone truly thinks about you.
They Only Talk About Their Interests
In some circumstances, a person may fulfill many minor requirements for being a friend, such as returning calls, attending meetings, and occasionally checking in. However, depending on the subjects you discuss during your interactions, you can determine whether or not they genuinely consider you a friend.
It may be a sign that your acquaintance only sees you as a soundboard and doesn’t care about what’s going on in your life if you find it challenging to contribute to the conversation because they keep talking about their accomplishments, how they spent their week, what projects they are finding difficult, etc.
A friend would want to hear about how you’ve been handling things, any new projects you’ve been working on, and they might even make fun of your love life, but you’ll always feel like it’s a conversation and not therapy, where you have to remain mute.
Conclusion
The importance of friendship in contemporary culture can be attributed to various factors. A true friend is there for you in good times and will lend support through less-than-ideal circumstances. Because of this, it is essential to choose carefully who will be in your inner circle.
You can tell when someone doesn’t value your friendship by their words and deeds and how their carefree attitude may affect your well-being. Not everyone will want to be your buddy, just as you cannot expect to be friends with everyone. That’s why it’s essential to read the signs and pull back from people who do not want to be friends rather than spend time trying to force something that isn’t there.
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This article was co-written with a therapist from Sensera — a self-help app that provides daily CBT audio sessions and exercises. The app helps people deal with a variety of mental issues (anxiety, low self-esteem, and relationship problems). Download now to become happier!
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Devin Avery on Unsplash