Hi!
How’s your love life so far this year? Did it make a difference? And most importantly, do you still love yourself the same?
Too many of us focus on a dead relationship. We keep giving and giving. Which eventually left us with this empty feeling and sometimes even emotionally drained.
How many times have you given your all to somebody, only to get your heart broken in the end? It happened too many times in my early 20s.
Now that I’m getting closer to hitting 30, I’m so much better at loving myself while giving some to the person that I know he’s worth it.
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What happened to you?
If you found the right person and successfully built a strong relationship together this year, kudos to you. Someone like that doesn’t come very often.
So it’s important to not take the opportunity for granted.
But if you haven’t and still struggle in your love life, rest assured. You aren’t alone.
However, overthinking the problem won’t help you much. Let’s look back to why you’re where you’re right now.
When it comes to dating, I don’t believe that we have to find the “one” in order to settle down.
The definition of the “one” has become unclear and put too much on romanticizing the feelings — rather than focusing on the practical aspects of love.
I’m not saying you should choose the one that looks good on paper and focus less on the emotional connection — not at all.
But more on the checklist itself. Take a look closer at it and tell me if all of them make sense. Because most of us want to have it all.
We want a partner who’s romantic, has enough money, is affectionate, good-looking, has the same lifestyle, knows how to cook, and can spoil us anytime we want — we want it all.
Guess what?
You will never find someone who has everything. Even if you end up finding one, that person will still have flaws.
To expect a partner who will never hurt your feelings is such an illusion.
Because we are all human and we make mistakes — be it intentionally or unintentionally.
So when you look back on this year, also pay attention to how you deal with the imperfections of others.
Don’t let your ego gets in the way and think you deserve nothing but perfectness.
Not everyone deserves your heart
Not every great people you met on Bumble or Tinder deserve your time and energy.
They might be great but if they aren’t on the same page with you then there’s no more reason to keep them around.
I mean, I get it.
Finding someone who wants to have a decent conversation through the dating app is hard as hell now. It’s like most chats just fill up with hook-up invitations.
And when you’ve seen or received them long enough, you start wondering, “is this all? should I give up on looking for the right one and settle for casual dating instead?”
No, you shouldn’t.
In fact, it’s a sign for you to take a break from dating at all. Or find another pool that doesn’t make you feel bad about yourself.
While I still think online dating can work (regardless of how many negative reviews are out there), there are also some other places you can try out. Not just online.
People think jumping on dating apps is the only way to find a partner because well, that’s what everybody’s doing.
But it’s not true.
You can still connect with someone offline if you want to.
Sometimes we are all caught up in our own heads that we barely notice what’s in front of us.
We are glued to our phones and live in this online world meanwhile we forget there’s still real life that’s just as beautiful and exciting.
As I moved back to my hometown in Indonesia recently, I realized how online dating isn’t such a thing here — at least not in this small village.
People don’t know what Tinder is and have no idea what the dating terms are out there.
Yet they find their partner like there’s no issue. Life still works like it used to.
So no, offline dating isn’t dead yet and if you’re willing to get off of those dating Apps and give your best (one more time) to meet and connect with people in real life, things might work out.
You never know.
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How has my love life been going?
I feel like everything’s moving very slowly this year. This includes my love life where I’m still stuck in this long-distance relationship.
When you’re 22, being with someone who’s a thousand miles away seems fun because well, you get to travel the world together and who cares about getting married young?
But as you get older, it gets boring. Airport goodbyes are no longer bearable and you’re mentally tired from talking over the phone every morning.
People might think I’m having the best relationship. But it’s far from the truth.
Yes, I have the best person to go through life together but in no way our relationship is perfect. It’s full of uncertainty, family issues, anxieties, and many other things.
Do I wish I could just be single? No.
I still wouldn’t trade this relationship for anything else because it helped me grow to be a better person.
But I just wish more people knew what it takes to be in a long-term and solid relationship. Love isn’t enough.
You don’t want to be with someone just based on love. It’s too fragile. You want to be with someone who’s strong enough to face life’s problems together.
Most couples give up on the middle because it’s too hard, too complicated, and too tiring.
But hey, it’s part of life.
The honeymoon phase only stays for about 2 years and what do you do after that when your connection isn’t strong enough?
I always encourage my single friends to not rush things out when it comes to love. Everyone has their own timeline and yours will come when it’s time.
To close this article, I’ll leave you with this comment from a reader. It’s short but very empowering.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: iStockPhoto.com