If only women knew what men were thinking, and vice versa—we’d all be in a better place.
Or would we?
What does “the nice man” do with thoughts that are not only persistent, but antithetical to the type of man he is to women, friends, lovers, and himself?
A lot isn’t expressed between couples because of a fear of not seeming very “nice.” That’s deeply unfortunate, and stores up a lot of trouble. We’d be better off daring to be a little more honest.
I love this video partly perhaps because I can relate to it as someone British (although Alain de Botton is of course Swiss) and so niceness, manners and repression of more disturbing fantasies are familiar culturally. I can’t see that it’s anything to do with misogyny. I think this well depicts the nice man’s internal conflict through Freudian psychology and helps explain the emotional distance of many lovely men I know. I enjoyed DJ Roukan’s comment below, and judging by Nancy Friday’s books on female fantasies, women are certainly not so ‘nice’ in their fantasy life either. So let’s get… Read more »
This is one crazy messed up video. Society seems to be imploding and sincerely supporting more misogony. Here is the deal, you are free to explore all the fantasies you want in the privacy of your imagination. But if you take those fantasies to a woman or when those fantasies are largely about treating women like non persons, sexual objects that exist to be verbally and physically abused for your sexual pleasure, women are under no obligation to make you feel better about your desire to treat women a certain fetished way. And when she doesn’t support your fantasies, she… Read more »
So, “Yes or No, Have you stopped beating your wife yet?”
The nice man needs to learn to love himself. And to realize that the aggressions and violence that he fantasizes about is actually repressed angers and fears causing him to believe he is not worthy of love. Perhaps this came from a time when he ‘had enough of macho, rowdy behavior at school.’ In any case, it is not his job to ask a woman to accept the aggressions and ‘tyrannical’ side of him. Its his job take responsibility for his feelings and work on them. “Tyrannical’ behavior is never an option….. for ANY man.
This only proves that ‘nice’ men are another part of the misogyny that plagues our society. Men need to be more sensitive and perhaps trained to not have these despicable and evil thoughts!!!
Oh but women have despicable and evil thoughts themselves. I used to believe men had more vile and disgusting thoughts, but after a few discussions with women on this topic, I’ve learned women are actually just as bad as we are.
Depending on what you are talking about, women have a lot of their own internalized misogony. Culture convinced women and men alike to see women as non-persons.
Interesting. Men have bad thoughts and its misogyny. Women have bad thoughts and its internalized misogyny.
That sounds you’re starting from the conclusion that women are the victims of everything then working backwards to justify that conclusion.
Go away
Good idea. Lets start legislating male thought now. I’m sure we can get some random feminist group, something like “the united women’s front against evil male thoughts” to create a study proving conclusively that 1 in 4 women are emotional damaged by male thought. The article was presented as an issue for men to ponder and discuss, to help teach them to be open and honest in their relationships so as to create real intimacy, authenticity rather then subduing themselves for the purposes of appearing “correct” to women rather then being authentic, not an opportunity to man-bash. But hey, these… Read more »