These may all be personal kinks. I don’t know. I’m going to tell you right now that I know that I do not speak for the entire male gender. However, I do know a lot of guys who can relate to these things.
Without further ado, let’s get started with the things that we want in a relationship but won’t say.
1. That You Keep Our Vulnerable Secrets to Yourself
This one often surprises guys. They are truly in love with a girl who they feel matches their personality type and with whom they want to spend more and more time. Great news! She also feels that way about them. The guy may feel comfortable in sharing his emotional side with that woman. He is then surprised to find out that she blabbed it all to her friends. For instance, any time your guy says something romantic but borderline cringy which you liked, he will be hurt when he later finds out that you sent a screenshot to all your girlfriends.
You may have just done it with the best intentions. You may have felt good about your boyfriend loving you and wanted to share it — seeing nothing wrong with that. I’ve personally learned a long while ago that there is a good chance that once I open up and share something really emotional with my girlfriend, all her friends will know about it the next day. It happened in every relationship I’ve had so far.
I’ve grown numb to it. I take care to be less vulnerable until I can test the waters. However, whereas I am used to it, I find that other young guys often confide in me that they have this problem — girls sharing embarrassing secrets about them. I sometimes mistake their disappointment or annoyance for surprise or shock. I don’t know if this is the first time it happened to them or if they are also used to it, but I always find myself thinking, “What did you expect?”
So whether it be something stupid we learned from the Wolf of Wall Street and said during sex while drunk — “Your pussy is like heroin to me” — or we just told you of a really embarrassing failure… we told you. Just you. We don’t want it to be the case that all your friends now know about it as well. I am a proponent that men should be far more open with their feelings. I think this is an obstacle that has to be overcome vis a vis relationships in order for that to happen.
Remember: when a guy says something vulnerable, don’t share it. Funny vulnerable. Sad vulnerable. Stupid vulnerable. Keep it to yourself. It will upset us almost more than being cheated on.
Guys are capable of doing this as well — sharing intimate secrets as gossip. No gender is perfect.
Whereas I have never felt the need to disclose all the awful things girlfriends or ex-girlfriends have confided in me (so far), I am a bit of an introvert, so I don’t usually feel like sharing a whole lot anyway.
2. We Would Never Admit Exactly How MUCH We Want to be Cuddled
Let us be the little spoon sometimes. We like this as almost as much as sex — we are guys after all. Whereas I know this does not come as a shock to anyone — that guys like cuddling as well — it is still on the list because we find it difficult to ask for more cuddles. So there you have it. On behalf of all guys (most guys, some guys…), please give us more cuddles.
If we’re stressed about something at work and don’t want to talk about it, or there’s something else that you know is bothering us that we’re pretending isn’t, you can probably cuddle it out of us. Seriously, cuddles are the ultimate interrogation technique for when we’re sad about something. We want to feel your warm body on us and to be able to hug it. It makes us feel as if there is someone there for us. Guys don’t necessarily feel better after talking about their problems. Society has forced it upon all genders that talking through your feelings is the right thing to do. But I often find that I can resolve my feelings much better by doing activities that I love more so than by telling people about my problems.
I’m not saying that talking about your feelings is wrong. I am encouraging you to just consider the idea that there are other ways to process emotions healthily — whether for you that would be fishing, writing, painting, cuddling, or cleaning your car… I don’t know. ( I know a lot of you are now thinking about angry sex. That is also a great way for you to process your feelings if done right. However, I think people already know that guys like sex).
Cuddling may be the way to a man’s heart when he is sad. I know that this applies to women as well. However, as a guy, it was always obvious to me that girls enjoy cuddling. So here we are. I feel the need to express my reciprocal desire for cuddles to strangers on the Internet in the hope that the world will change.
Reminder: you are cute and soft and very cuddleable. Don’t waste the gifts God gave you, and cuddle us more, please.
I feel like I must issue an FDA-style warning. Cuddles are not intended to replace sex completely in a sexual relationship and work best when used alongside sex, before, after, and at random intervals.
Also, all genders and sexualities probably like cuddling as well. As guys, I think it’s just harder for us to ask for them out of fear of being seen as effeminate.
3. We Are Kind of Proud of Our Cum
I’ve never written about this before and I realize that it makes me vulnerable to others making fun of me. Again, I am also conscious of the fact that I am generalizing. However, I am definitely aware of other males caring about this as well.
We think of our cum as a little part of ourselves — which it is. And we’re proud of it. You not caring about it isn’t something that would greatly upset us or anything. We just like it when you treat our cum with respect. It’s a minor alteration that we would definitely notice, but wouldn’t say anything about. For example, one of the things that would turn on a lot of guys during sex would be if you said, “Oh yeah, cum inside of me. Please cum inside of me!” Even if we are wearing a condom or if you are on the pill, this is probably one of our favorite things to hear.
We are wired biologically to want to put our cum inside of females (or other genders) and hearing our partner say that they want our cum is quite a turn on. My ears are turning red from writing this. A lot of girls do say stuff like that during sex which is nice. Also, it doesn’t matter whether you spit or swallow in the event that our cum is directed elsewhere, but don’t go, “Bleeeh,” as you’re spitting it into your hand or the sink. I don’t know what it tastes like so I’m not going to hammer this point home. Just telling you what we like.
Reminder: guys like it when you treat their cum nicely. You don’t have to play with it or swallow it, just say nice things about it.
4. We Don’t Particularly Care for Your Complaints About Other Women’s Fashion Mishaps
Imagine this like the girl’s equivalent of when a guy feels the need to tell her about his wrench collection, all the fish he’s caught, or about the engine modifications he made to his car… for hours. Granted, some may care. But these are not things women typically talk about amongst themselves (personal observation). Hence, I would speculate that whereas they might care, they probably care about other things more.
For males, listening to women complain about other girls’ clothes or looks or haircuts is probably similarly ranked on the list of things we are enthusiastic to hear about. For example, if you feel the need to express to your boyfriend that a friend of yours thinks she can “pull off bangs and thick-framed glasses” and you’ve prepared a Powerpoint presentation to explain why that is not good… chances are he won’t care. We’re not particularly attracted to when girls complain about other girls that haven’t done anything bad to anyone.
Also, I don’t even know what “pulling off bangs and thick-framed glasses” means. Glasses are just glasses. Hair is just hair. Whereas I am interested in things that my partner is passionate about, I am not interested in complaints about things I don’t understand that are also pointless. “Why are you telling me? Let that woman know that what she’s doing is wrong. Have her arrested, I don’t know,” I want to say. But I care about my partners’ feelings and opinions so I use body language to communicate that I don’t want to hear anymore. It never stopped her.
5. Guys May Hate Being Called ‘Cute’
Handle this one with caution because not every guy hates being called cute. But some do — as many as half, I would speculate. I don’t personally like being called cute and I don’t know any guys that do. I get what girls mean — I hope. They’re saying you’re attractive or that they like you. But I just can’t help feeling like I’m being babied or patronized (matronized?). Like if I complimented a girl and she said I was cute I would think she meant, “Your attempt to woo me was adorable. So cuuuute.” Are they making fun of me? What’s happening?
In relationships, it might make one feel as if their manliness is stripped away from them. Babies are cute. Girls are cute. Guys want to be like Vladimir Putin riding on the back of a bear while bare-chested. You wouldn’t call Vladimir cute, now would you? We want to feel manly, but I admit there may be a lot of guys who like being called cute.
I have actually tried bringing this up in past relationships and it always ended with the girl laughing it off or using it more often to tease me. This led to me not bringing it up again in future relationships. My point is, guys like being told that they’re attractive or good looking as well, but they may hate being called cute. It’s a ‘love it or hate it’ kind of thing. Just be aware that of all compliments, this is probably the only one that guys might hate. Actually, I can think of one worse compliment: the ‘Hide The Pain Harold’ meme with the old man that looks like he’s both crying and laughing at the same time. I once saw one that said, “When your girlfriend says you have the biggest dick out of all your brothers.”
That’s probably a worse compliment. But other than that, being called cute is probably a guy’s least favorite compliment. Use other compliments if possible.
Reminder: if your romantic partner tells you he doesn’t like being called cute, just fix it by telling him he’s as manly as Vladimir Putin or Chuck Norris.
These are the things guys wish girls knew but don’t want to say. Like I said in the subtitle, we care predominantly about the obvious things in relationships: looks, personality, loyalty, compassion, kindness, looks, etc. But these are the things we also care about a lot but are too afraid to bring up. Thank you for reading.
This post was previously published on Medium.
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