August McLaughlin helps husbands find the optimal way to handle the discovery of their wives’ pleasure enhancers.
Editor’s Note: August McLaughlin is our weekly relationships advice columnist. She’s here to answer questions and offer guidance on the tough challenges we face in our intimate relationships. Readers can submit questions to [email protected]. Not all questions will be published. The opinions expressed in this column do not constitute professional advice. The Good Men Project assumes no responsibility or liability whatsoever for any actions taken by, or reactions that ensue from, anyone following the recommendations in the answers.
I recently found a box of sex toys my wife has had hidden away. I mentioned it casually, and she said it’s no big deal (she figured I assumed she had some), but I get the sense that she uses them often. Should I be worried? Our sex life is great, but I can’t compete with a vibrator.
Hey Vibrator E.,
I have some excellent news for you. There’s no competition. Even if there were, sex toys can’t compete with you—a living, breathing human she cultivates intimacy with. In fact, you should probably thank her for prioritizing self-sexy play. It’s likely one reason your bedroom life is so gratifying.
Sex toys and solo exploration allow us all to better learn our bodies and what makes them tick. Given most folks’ hectic lives, staying sexually active independently when schedules interfere with partner-sex helps keep us physically and emotionally healthy. And how hot is it knowing that your wife loves to get off, all on her own? Rather than feel threatened, consider how beautiful and erotic that is. Chances are she fantasizes about you meanwhile; hopefully you do the same about her. (If not, I highly suggest you both try it.)
Here’s what I’d do. Buy her a new sex toy to show your support or suggest incorporating one of her favorites into your lovemaking. Consider shopping for sex toys together—online or in a brick-and-mortar store—for a spicy, intimacy-building adventure. New experiences also boost those falling-in-love hormones, even well into a relationship. You say your sex life is fabulous—why not make it better? Even if all you do is let it be, embracing her private sexuality as a gift to you both, you and your relationship will benefit.
Cheering for you,