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To put it mildly, things are shifting in the male and female realms these days. To be more exact, there are titanic, necessary, and long-overdue changes taking place.
Some of my fellow males are feeling nervous or confused. I’m going to attempt to alleviate your concerns, and perhaps clear up some misconceptions along the way.
It’s taken me a little time and conversations with, you know, actual women, to get a better understanding of what women are trying to accomplish with the #MeToo and #TimesUp movements. Despite my desire to learn and understand, I’m sure I’m still not getting things exactly right. But I’m working on it. I’m also hoping women will comment on this article to set me straight on the finer points!
Now, I’m trying to help other men by writing about the realizations I’ve had since having some more in-depth conversations with women about what’s going on.
It hasn’t been an easy process, developing this understanding. After all, I’m a male raised in the United States. In other words, it’s not second nature for me to put myself in the mindset of a woman. In my family, the phrase “don’t be a girl” was about as ubiquitous as saying “hello.”
A quick disclaimer: I use the word “need,” but that doesn’t mean women can’t accomplish their goals without men. What I mean when I use the word “need” is to say “women would really appreciate it if we stepped back and stopped trying to make it about men in any way, shape, or form.”
Let me put it this way: guys, this isn’t about us. It’s about women. It’s their time to step into the spotlight. Women don’t need us to succeed in this righteous cause, but ceding the world stage to them in a gracious manner would make their job a lot easier, as they make this latest push for equality and justice.
With that clarification out of the way, here are two major things women need from us right now.
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Women Need You to Have Empathy
Women are pissed. They’ve had enough.
Why shouldn’t they feel this way? They’ve been abused by men for ages.
There’s a time and place in life for all emotions. No emotions are “bad.” They all serve a purpose. It’s only the fixation on one emotion over long periods of time that makes it toxic (i.e., too much of anything is bad for you).
Anger, as a character in the novel American Gods says, gets shit done. Outbursts of righteous rage, over the centuries, have been the catalyst for change. Anger has fueled countless revolutions and spurred on much-needed societal growth.
But this anger, like all healthy emotional states, will not last forever. However, until it abates, it’s not the time to try and “calm women down.” Men, step back and let them rage.
Women could sure use our empathy right now. This means we need to stop worrying “what about me?” Women need us to put ourselves in their shoes, to really think about what it’s like to be a woman.
Guys, when you walk down the street at night, do you fear for your safety? And I’m not talking about walking through a “bad” neighborhood. I’m talking about well-lit, well-traveled parts of a city. No? Women do, most of the time. We don’t have to deal with that feeling every time we take a walk alone.
“Male privilege” doesn’t have anything to do with getting more of something. It has everything to do with what we DON’T get compared to women. As men, we don’t get nervous when walking alone at night (again, in a safe neighborhood). We don’t have to worry that someone will give us unwanted attention, or threaten us, or expose themselves to us.
Women don’t think all men are monsters out to abuse them. But for the sake of caution, they have to assume all men on the street are a threat until proven otherwise.
I also don’t want anyone to think I believe women can’t defend themselves. They know how to kick ass. They don’t need us to be their saviors.
So men, stop talking and really listen. Hear what women are saying, have empathy, and get out of the way. They are getting shit done.
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Women Need You to Calm Down
As I said, this isn’t about us, guys.
Some men feel unsettled right now. Good. That’s what change feels like. It’s uncomfortable. That’s a part of life. We need to get used to the feeling. Not because women are “out to get us,” but because men have been too complacent in general.
Women would really appreciate it if you’d calm down. It would make things less aggravating for them. Trying to steer the conversation back to men is pretty selfish, isn’t it?
Women don’t think we’re unworthy of consideration. They just want us to acknowledge that men have driven the conversation for a long time. Women want a turn behind the wheel. Is that so hard to understand? I don’t think so.
Stop thinking that women are going to try and turn the tables on us and take revenge for eons of male domination and oppression. That’s not what they want. They want equality, not a post-male apocalypse where they drag us around on leashes.
Modern culture is rife with conspiracy theories, a human propensity that kicked into overdrive in the 1990s with the birth of the Internet. Let’s use some common sense: women are not trying to initiate a “gender war.” They aren’t going to form a totalitarian matriarchal regime and start putting men in internment camps. They’re not going to replace us with robots…well, at least not yet.
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Women Want Their Rightful Humanity
Women simply want their rightful place at the human table. They want the dignity that is the birthright of sentient beings. This is the quest they’ve been on for far-too-long. It’s only natural they’re tired of the struggle, and they are angry about it.
Instead of worrying about the implications of #MeToo and #TimesUp for men, let’s keep the focus on the real message: the implications for women. Women stand to gain the respect they deserve. This doesn’t have to come at any expense to men.
So guys, stop worrying about what we might “lose” at this moment in time. In reality, another historic victory for women’s rights is a massive win for all human beings.
To all the women reading this, I hope I’m not too far off the mark! I’m looking forward to any corrective comments! And to all the MGTOWs who might be reading, I can’t wait for all the comments calling me a “cuck-simp-mangina.” As a certified word nerd, I love the adorable little language you’ve created! Because, you know, supporting women’s rights is a “bad thing,” right?
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