“Almost very woman in my life–my mother and mother-in-law, their sisters, my sisters, wife, and close friends–have experienced a form of sexual assault, groping, catcalling, molestation, rape, misogyny, and gender discrimination since they were young teens, and I fear for my daughters that this will be an issue that gets argued away by men, women, and a society that denies there’s even a problem.” -Guest wishing to remain anonymous
Wow. How can we talk about a future without rape culture?
What would society look like–and how is it changing–without the fear of sexual intimidation, silence about abuse, and sexual violence against women and men with the defense of those loud voices who deny there is even a problem (or claim the problem isn’t really a problem)?
What would our men talk and act like?
What would change–from gender conformity to the freedom of women to not fear sexual assault every day?
And how have things changed for our women and girls? For you?
What would business, love, dating, daily life, and the many layers of culture look and feel like without catcalling, groping, and the endless tales of rape and assault victims who have simply gotten used to life being this way?
As good as society has gotten, how far do we have to go?
Can it ever change? Should it? How?
You tell us.
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Changes would also happen to how girls are raised by their parents. Girls would be raised to engage with all their emotions including anger and not scolded into submission or compliance. Girls would still play imaginatively with dolls etc but they would also be allowed more freedom to play wildly, aggressively and noisily, testing their bodily strength and boundaries through more unsupervised play and adventure whether it be in city parks or the country. Femininity would be reframed to include “strong” as an emotional descriptor. Parental approval of girls for being “nice”, “sweet” and “cute” would not be as favoured… Read more »
How about people putting an end to the idea that a drunk man is responsible for sex but a drunk woman is not?
The issue is when it’s someone taking advantage over the drunk person. If a sober woman takes steps toward a drunk man who can’t control his body well enough to defend against a sexual attack, it’s the woman’s fault, and if it’s the man that’s preying, it’s his fault. If a drunk person forces themselves on a sober person, or vice versa, it’s not okay. Forcing yourself on someone is never okay, regardless of gender, sex, or anything else.
I think you have to start with how men’s behavior is different because men’s behavior is what makes rape culture. First, male solidarity ends–good men don’t quietly accept bad behavior from other men. Good men actively promote respect of women and actively oppose every instance of rape culture they encounter. Boys and men learn how to deal with feelings of rejection and isolation in constructive ways. Media begins telling stories differently, removing rape culture behavior frome heroes tales. Men are unburdened and supported in their emotional development. Boys don’t cry is a thing of the past. Women’s lives are changed… Read more »
“I think you have to start with how men’s behavior is different because men’s behavior is what makes rape culture.”
So a woman rapes a guy, it was his fault. How is that supposed to end rape culture again? That thinking and comment actually perpetuates rape culture. Oh, but that’s nit the rape culture we’re talking about, right?
I’ll stick by my comment. When men change (starting wth the point you just proved–we need to accept the fact that rape culture is ours to start fixing) then the environment can be created for the benefits other people are mentioning. That’s not perpetuating rape culture. That’s taking responsibility for it.
@ Steve
“we need to accept the fact that rape culture is ours to start fixing)”
Everyone needs to start fixing it. It is perpetuated by men AND women. To state that a man .raped by a woman us at fault because he perpetrates a culture that allows it is as offensive as condoning, mitigating, and excusing the actions of his female rapist. It even can be construed to make HER the victim instead of the rapist.
Frankly, it makes it difficult for me to take rape culture seriously when many people are too invested in denying aspects of it.
– Ideological politics would be banished from infiltrating societal concerns.
– Memes such as “epidemic” would be used properly and in context.
– Words and thoughts would not be positioned on a continuum to bolster counts.
– Reality, responsibility, consent, mutual understanding, inexperience, youth – these terms would all be treated with thoughtfulness.
– The position of sex on the pedestal would cease. Sexuality would be more fun.
– Jezebel and HuffPo websites would be hacked and destroyed. Nonsense would no longer be tolerated.
– Solutions, not rhetoric would rule the day.
Good response, Elissa.
I think women would be more assertive with what they wanted sexually. Men wouldn’t feel pressured into adding to their “number” and would more assertively demand respect for their boundaries because his right to say no would be recognized by the court system as well as his partner. I suspect there would be less alcohol use as people who are assertive have less need for “liquid courage”. Laws would change to recognize all rapes including forced envelopment. People wouldn’t hide their disappointment with the failure of institutions behind rape jokes and actively move to clean these institutions up. There would… Read more »
Love it John. Great start.
I can’t help but notice a stark difference between the heavily gender descriptions of rape culture and the heavily gendered questions the writer of the article asks and the measured mostly gender neutral descriptions and answers you offer John. A part of me really thinks that one of the main reasons rape culture is still an issue is because of the way it presented as an issue of what men are doing to women and that most solutions are presented as what men need to do to help women. People are so ideologically invested in making rape culture out to… Read more »
@ Danny “People are so ideologically invested in making rape culture out to be a case of men v women that they Im not convinced that they actually want to deal with the issues so much as have an “enemy” that will never go away thus justifying their own actions and opinions.” Sometimes I think the same thing. They can’t be that unaware of how many men / boys are victimized and that there are many, many, female offenders. Part of me thinks that they simply have this perverse idea that they have to protect women so much that the… Read more »
I think you may be on to something, John, in that last comment. I’m a general conservative. I believe women are capable, and strong humans. I would protect her if in trouble. Like I would a man, but coming initially from a perspective that she Needs to be protected I think is demeaning and disrespectful to her. Interesting.