If you have not been good at setting boundaries your entire life, then now is the time to start.
Holding onto anger, hatred, getting revenge and hurting those who hurt you will only hold you prisoner. Healthy boundaries and forgiveness will set you free. – Caterina Barregar
Have you ever been in a situation where you wanted to say no but didn’t and ended up feeling uncomfortable and resentful as a result?
If the situation was so over the top it may be a situation where you also need to forgive.
Many of my clients come to me in chaos mode. They reached that state mainly because they just could not say no. They said yes when they meant no and then not only felt uncomfortable for having been afraid to say no, but resented the other person because they said yes instead.
When you set healthy boundaries from the beginning; these situations will rarely come up. However, through an inappropriate sense of responsibility or sense of compassion, you may be saying yes too often.
Once you find yourself in that situation you need to start setting boundaries. Initially the person you are setting boundaries with may not take it well. They may try to turn the guilt screws; this is the part that is normally most challenging. Stay the course. Your relationships will be exponentially better for it. Setting healthy boundaries before it gets ugly will make your life so much easier.
When I work with my clients, 10 times out of 10, when they come to me about an event in their lives or person they need to forgive, it is because they have failed to create that space for themselves in the first place.
Forgiveness is loving someone enough to realize that they only know what they know. It’s about letting go and finding a new normal. It’s about giving up hope that the past could have been any different and finding the gifts in the way it was.
The other person may not forgive you, but you can be the one to lead the way. You can begin by forgiving yourself for failing to say what you meant, and forgive them for accepting your yes when it was not what you meant.
Whenever you come across a situation that leaves you wondering if you have set up healthy boundaries, check in with yourself.
I am I am not
I want I don’t want
I will I will not
Which of those phrases resonates as truth for you? Say that.
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