00:03
when my now ex friend is first outed to
00:07
me as a serial abuser I think of my
00:12
mother’s tackle box of all the fishing
00:14
lures inside how bright they seem my
00:18
friend opened his mouth tongue a snake a
00:21
fishing line he waited for someone’s
00:24
trauma to bite at the shine in front of
00:25
them and he reeled in whatever body he
00:28
caught I’m one of the first people he
00:30
told he wasn’t fully straight to the
00:35
night before I am told he is an abuser
00:37
he texts me and asks me for sadboy music
00:40
to listen to I have a playlist ready
00:42
just for the occasion the next day he
00:46
asks for pop punk music to fight the
00:48
depression pouring outside he says I
00:51
have great taste in music punk treats
00:53
every message with a heart or a smiley
00:56
face I am unsure now if he was testing
00:59
the waters if he was hoping that maybe I
01:02
too would be tangled in his net of
01:05
fingers my body a mess of fins and scabs
01:08
once my family and I went fishing and we
01:13
threw back a fish because they were too
01:14
small but when we threw the body back
01:17
into the lake its heart was still
01:19
attached on the hook of metal a
01:21
heartless body thrown into the water my
01:24
friend
01:24
reached out for me once after I told him
01:27
I was raped wrapped his arms around me
01:31
like he was trying to catch me before I
01:33
threw myself out of the boat a drowning
01:35
or an attempt to breathe I remember how
01:38
warm his chest was fish are cold-blooded
01:41
they flocked to bodies of heat in order
01:44
to keep their bodies warming up for
01:46
their blood to flow I don’t know how to
01:48
tell my friends I used to be in love
01:50
with a known abuser I saw a familiar
01:52
bait and reached out anyway
01:54
I wonder if it’s possible to swallow a
01:57
hook so deep it becomes a part of you or
02:00
maybe I deserve this for loving him the
02:04
same way I thought I might love my
02:05
rapist that maybe I deserved him too I
02:08
had been caught before maybe I will be
02:12
caught again and again and again and
02:14
again and again and again
02:16
and again maybe this is just what
02:18
happens when you are thrown back into
02:21
the lake a body ripped apart at the
02:24
seams
02:26
[Applause]
◊♦◊
Have you read the original anthology that was the catalyst for The Good Men Project? Buy here: The Good Men Project: Real Stories from the Front Lines of Modern Manhood
◊♦◊
Talk to you soon.
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