When the Love Falls Short — Reclaim Yourself After Heartbreak

It can be difficult to accept when a relationship is not meant to be. When we care deeply for someone, we want to keep giving and trying in the hope that things will get better. However, this can lead to us giving more than we receive, and being taken advantage of by those who do not truly value us.

No matter how hard it is, sometimes we must learn to let go of our own well-being. Even if we have cherished someone and a relationship carefully, we may eventually have to accept that he/she will never fully belong to us, or be able to give us what we need. At that time, we must find the strength to regain our freedom and independence.

For those who are unable to leave a bad relationship, unable to let go of someone who does not deserve their care, or unable to move on from a love that will never be reciprocated. The following warming reminders about the value of true love and self-respect come from reflections on a recent conversation I had with a friend.

“If you meet him on the street again one day, what would you say to him?”

“…Maybe I wouldn’t say anything, just quietly walk past.”

“But aren’t you still miss him?”

“Yes, I miss him so much, but I didn’t want to go back to him.”

Even after a breakup, we may still miss an ex and the good memories and times we shared. However, this does not necessarily mean we want the relationship back or that it would be right for us to resume it. What we miss could be the past and the person we once knew, not who they are now.

The healthiest choice is often to cherish the lessons and experience, then keep walking forward.

He/She is no longer the person I first knew, and I am no longer the person I used to be niether. We can miss the past, and regret that we have become indifferent to each other, but we have to know nothing can start over again. Rather than saying that we can’t forget him, it’s more like we miss the fearless self used to be.

People change and grow over time. Even if we still care for an ex, we have both moved on in ways that would make a relationship untenable now. Neither of us can go back to the start or who we were before. Instead of the actual relationship, the courage and confidence are much more memorable.

You don’t have to be with the best person, but at least find a kind one.

Do not waste your beautiful heart and spirit on those who do not recognize the gift. Seek someone gentle, and caring, rather than pursuing superficial ideals of perfection that lack substance. A “best” person on paper may not be the best one for you in action.

Remember to believe that you deserve true love and do not settle for less. Though it may hurt to let go, keep your heart open and hold out for healthy love. True love will lead you to relationships where you can share your kindness without being taken for granted. With this uplifting hope for a brighter future, find the strength to walk away from any situation that drags you down.

While it is difficult to accept when a relationship has run its course, have the courage that leaves a bad match or toxic situation. Make space for something better in your life. The lessons you have learned will guide you to recognize true kindness and equality in a partner and build a solid bond with someone who cherishes your worth.

While the familiar is hard to give up, stepping into the unknown may lead you to the arms of real love. Keep your heart open, and the right person will meet you there. You deserve nothing less than this!

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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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Photo credit: Saltanat Zhursinbek on unsplash.com