Have you said this to your child?
If yes, Do you REALLY mean it?
Think about it…..
If your child says, I will complete my homework before going to sleep. Wouldn’t you check to see if they are actually doing it?
Don’t you secretly check their messages and emails? If yes, clearly you don’t trust. Isn’t it?
Obviously, some people will say we can definitely not trust a child as he will do whatever to meet his personal interests and this includes telling lies and making a fool of his parents.
But, do you know children are not natural liars and fool makers, our behavior make them so….
Not listening to their ideas, suggestions and making them believe that their opinions don’t matter, always ridiculing their action/behavior….my fellow parents, you are forcing them to mend their talks and convert them to lies so they suit your liking.
Kids know that telling you the truth about all of their ACTUAL behavior and actions towards certain situations is a waste of time as you aren’t going to agree with them anyways, so tell you lies which suits your LIKING
We all are born unique with distinct personalities, ideas, opinions. Then, why do we want the kids to think/act/behave like us?
You may have given them birth but they are still VERY DIFFERENT. Don’t expect them to be just like you….
Give a great deal of thought to their opinions, suggestions , ideas, actions and behaviors. Don’t simply negate them just because you don’t like them. What if you’re wrong??
Believe me, half of the time you’ll be wrong!
If you don’t like their action/behavior/suggestions/ideas,………e.g. chatting with their friends, watching games late at night, going out for picnics by missing school….., take input of your spouse on it. Go online. and do research.
Don’t simply negate their actions unless you’ve absolute good reason for doing so. Believe me, you’ll thank me later for this.
As you’ll end up agreeing with them half of the times….
Your child will start seeing you as someone who LISTENS to them, someone who BELIEVES in them.
They will start realizing their actions, behaviors , ideas, suggestions MATTER to you as a parent.
And the next time when you say, “I trust you!”. Your child knows that you ACTUALLY mean it.
It’s a kind of vicious circle,
→ You’ve stopped trusting them because they tell lies
→They will stop telling lies, when you start trusting them!
Real question now is , since you know they are telling lies now, whatever the reason may be, how can you really trust them?
Of course they will try to fool you at first…as a carry over of your previous actions of distrust towards them.
But once they start realizing that you’re not policing them and trusting them, you’ll start noticing massive changes in their behaviors and actions.
My dear fellow parent, trust cannot be imposed, it needs to be EARNED.
You can EARN your child’s trust in you by TRUSTING them first!
I know it’s not easy. 🙂 But, please give it a try, the next time your child says “I’ll finish my homework before I sleep” Don’t sneak into their room to check on it.
Next time, your child says, “I’m talking to my friend”. Don’t secretly listen to their conversation.
Next time, your child says, “I’m going on picnic with my friends for a day” Don’t check with his/her friend’s parents for validation.
Next time , your child wants to watch his favourite game at night. Maybe you can allow it if your child has given you assurance that he’ll not miss his school the next day.
By doing so, you’re not giving them any reason to tell you lies or alter their behavior or actions to suit your liking and interests.
And the next time, when you say, “I trust you”. Your child will know that you ACTUALLY mean it!
Believe me, he/she will reward you by trusting you back.
Be a friend, not a parent 🙂
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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