Before I get into the meat of this week’s article, I want to pose a question. This is a pretty important question that I’ll answer by the end of the article.
In my former life as a radio announcer, that was called a “tease,” boys and girls.
Have you ever considered just how scared we all are of each other?
I dreamed about her. I obsessed over her. But I never said a word to her. Why? I was scared to death of what she’d think of me if I ever opened my mouth.
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For example: she was an award-winning diver at the University of Alabama. And she was probably the first woman I ever rejected without knowing it.
We had a history class together in high school. Our teacher was the ultimate Southern Belle who called everybody “sug.” As in “why didn’t you do your homework sug?”
As we were taking a test one day, this football player was like “just wait one damn minute!” He also bolted out of his desk like he was startled by a mouse.
“Sug, what’s wrong?”
“Ain’t nothing wrong, ma’am. I’m just tryin’ to show her where I stand on this.”
Being a class full of 17 and 18 year olds, we all thought that was hilarious. Order was restored and we kept taking our tests.
But out of the corner of my eye, I caught her eye. That smile was like nothing I’d ever seen. It was magical.
Here’s something I’m not proud to admit. I dreamed about her. I obsessed over her. But I never said a word to her.
Why?
I was scared.
Was she this intimidating physical presence. No. I was a good deal larger than she was. It was because I was scared to death of what she’d think of me if I ever opened my mouth.
I’ll give you another example from high school. She was a year after me and it was pretty obvious she liked me. Y’know, a whole lot. I’m not saying that Ray Charles could’ve seen the signs, but was it out of the question?
I was walking to lunch with my friend Chris and she stopped me. I can’t remember what she said, but it was with a flirty tone.
“She likes you, man,” Chris said.
Did I ever say a word to her? Y’know, other than at the student paper? I was scared to death of what she thought of me.
By the way, I did a bit of research on her before I started writing this. All I’m going to say is that she went on to great things with her life. Huge things! Monumental things.
Regrets? Perhaps…
I could go on and on with examples like this. Even up until the present day – I’ve written about one just recently. Strangely enough, these stories usually involve adult female humans.
Go figure, the ones to whom I’ve said nothing are the ones I still hold on a pedestal. The ones I’ve spoken to are the ones who have hurt me.
Let’s revisit the question I asked earlier. Have you considered just how scared we all are of each other?
I’ll never forget this thing my uncle told me one time. He told me how he and my Dad once walked through a bar and “everybody was so scared of us that the crowd parted like the Red Sea.”
Neither my uncle nor my dad were physically that large. Dad was taller than I am, but their physical presence wasn’t that intimidating.
Even I am not huge. I only stand about 5-9. But I’ve been told that I cast a pretty intimidating presence when you first meet me.
Consider this: when was the last time you had a great conversation with your seatmate on a flight?
When was the last time you bought groceries and chatted up a stranger in the produce aisle? Or even at the cash register?
When was the last time you went to a ballgame and you had a conversation with someone that was unrelated to the game on the field?
By the end of this article, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. It’s one of the secrets of life. And I won’t make you tell me the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow either.
“African or European Swallow?”
I’m going to ignore the peanut gallery for the moment…
Show of hands, how many of my readers live in big cities? * looking for hands * Okay, perhaps another tactic would be appropriate? But let’s just roll with this.
This ingrained mechanism that all humans have does one thing – it keeps us safe. It keeps us from doing anything where we get out of line and the saber-toothed tiger eats us alive. It keeps us in our lanes. And it’s killing our souls.
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Here’s an example from my own life. It’s from New York City, but I believe I can apply it to any big city.
I was talking to some people on 33rd Street near Madison Square Garden when this woman accidentally bumped into me.
“Sorry,” I called out.
She literally sped up her walk. If she was a cartoon, you’d probably see smoke coming from her feet. I kind of wished she’d slowed down because she was gorgeous!
If you’re looking to step outside of your comfort zone in your relationships and stop being so scared, let me support you. Sample coaching sessions are available by emailing [email protected]. I’d love to connect and see how we can support each other.
Are you ready for that secret? The secret of life?
“42!”
Shut it!
Consider that everybody you run into is probably as scared of you as you are of them?
I get it. It’s a vicious circle and it doesn’t serve you at all. But it’s true. The two ladies from high school were probably as scared of what I thought of them. And anyone else in my life.
This ingrained mechanism that all humans have does one thing – it keeps us safe. It keeps us from doing anything where we get out of line and the saber-toothed tiger eats us alive. It keeps us in our lanes.
And it’s killing our souls.
Imagine a life where you can engage your seatmate on a plane. Or tell that woman you’re interested in how you feel without fear of what they think.
Imagine a life where we aren’t scared to death of each other. Call me Pollyanna if you want, but I believe we can make it happen.
Teaser:
- Do you have a story to share with the world? Do you want to use your story to create long-lasting transformation and change in the world? Stay tuned because by the end of March I’m announcing a really powerful program that can help you use your voice in a really beautiful way. Be a king, I’m just sayin’…
Photo by Shan Sheehan