My friend sent me a screenshot the other day along with the message, “Can you believe this crap?” I looked at what had gotten her hackles raised, expecting something terrible. To my surprise it was just an advertisement from Spotify. They were announcing a new 2-for-1 deal for couples.
“That’s so stupid, you couples are already saving all that a money when you’re in a relationship. You don’t have to pay the singles tax. Why is Spotify only catering to you? It’s so unfair.”
I didn’t answer. It’s not the first time I’ve heard this sentiment. There are plenty who assume that being in a relationship means one’s money doubles and the troubles go away. They think that a partnership instantly cuts every expense in half. I’m here to say it does not. In fact, dealing with money and financial strain in a relationship isn’t talked about enough. There are many uncomfortable truths about dealing with money as a couple.
Rent is only cheaper if you lower your standards
When a couple is living in the same studio or apartment created for single people then yes, it is cheaper to split the rent between two. Yet then couples have half the square footage. What we’d save in rent, we’d sacrifice in personal space. That a hour to relax in bed by yourself and be alone? That’s gone. Want complete silence to listen to a scary movie? That’s impossible with two in a small space. Because of this couples often opt for bigger apartments which makes their rent either more expensive or on par with a single person’s rent.
Couples also don’t usually have the option of moving into an apartment or house with others. Many housemates frown on the idea of couples moving in, fearing drama or dealing with rent arguments about splitting bills. So those in a relationship must fend for themselves in a competitive renters market.
You are spending twice the amount on food, not half
Unless they really don’t know how to preserve leftovers or cook, single people aren’t spending more on meals. Wasted ingredients are a big culprit of this idea that couples save on meals, since recipes often are often designed for families of 4 or two very hungry people who have been fighting all day. Thus that bag of spinach a single person bought for 1 meal will go bad if not used in multiple dishes throughout the week.
Couples can depend on two incomes only when there are jobs.
Have you seen this economy? When things are going well you can depend on two incomes to pay the bills, groceries, rent, and other subscriptions. Yet now people are losing jobs left and right. Though it’s more extreme at this moment, this isn’t a rare occurrence. There is often one breadwinner in the relationship. Two people mean complicated conversations about money that most of us would rather not have.
I haven’t been working since the mass layoffs in March. Though I had enough saved up to pay rent for two months by the end my account was empty and I had yet to find a permanent job. Chronic backaches also limited my ability to apply for heavy-lifting and delivery positions, which do seemed to be the only job in high-demand.
So my partner is supporting me. If the situation were reversed I’d be
supporting him. Single people only have to worry about supporting themselves which is a huge stress reliever if you are the one doing the supporting. There is also no guilt or shame that can accompany the person being supported.
There is less freedom to make choices that could change your circumstances
When you are single you make decisions for you. When you’re in a relationship aren’t able to do that. I can’t take a job in North Carolina out of the blue without a conversation. I can’t up and move to cheaper lodgings at the drop of a hat. I can’t force my partner to instigate a 5-minute shower rule 6 days a week so our water bill will go down.
This means that the choices affecting my financial life are often dictated by another individual who may not see eye to eye with me. Budgeting as a couple is a minefield at times. There are days I yearn to have only my own wallet to look out for.
Dates are more expensive than ever before
Where have all the cheap dates gone? I have no idea. Now if we go out for a meal, the movies, on an excursion, or anything romantic we’re going pay far more than a single person. Relationship experts say that without dates couples are likely to drift apart Even if there is truth to that, the strain of budgeting dates in expensive cities is intense and more expensive than the single person who has fewer obligations to go out and spend money.
The little luxuries one enjoys are called into question
As the axe of financial stress comes down and we take a good hard look at finances, especially with me out of a permanent job, nothing goes unseen. The little luxuries I enjoy, like a $10 monthly Apple News subscription, are brought into question. Then comes the tense conversations, the rationalizations, and the anger. If you’re single you never had to talk about canceling your mindfulness app anyone but yourself.
Being in a relationship does offer a few perks. It is true we now have Spotify for half-off. Yet those small conveniences don’t mean our lives are any less expensive than someone who isn’t in a relationship. With all the sacrificing we’re doing as a couple this during a bleak economic moment , don’t we deserve a little break? Single people and couples will always have different struggles and strengths with money. The grass is not cheaper on the other side.
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This post was previously published on Hello, Love and is republished here with permission from the author.
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Photo credit: Canva