Attraction is subjective. Things that we’re told are attractive can be contradictory and downright confusing. Are people into a clean-cut look, or is scruff in style? Do people prefer introspection or gregariousness? There is one thing that isn’t subjective when it comes to attraction – confidence is definitely an attractive quality.
Looks Do Matter, to a Degree
We’re not going to pretend like looks don’t matter completely – practicing hygiene, grooming, and dressing relatively nicely can surely increase your chances. But looks are completely subjective, and if you’re trying to present yourself in some external manner that you aren’t usually or can’t keep up, you’re not being authentic to who you really are.
This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t try out a new style or get in shape if that’s a goal of yours, but don’t focus on the physical purely as the main factor in attraction.
What is Confidence?
In simplest terms, confidence describes someone’s certainty in themselves.
Being confident and being cocky are two different concepts. Cockiness can turn people off and can feel ingenuine. Cocky people tend to believe that they can do anything, and make sure people know about it.
However, a confident person has a higher chance of succeeding in business, in school, and coming across as attractive. People are attracted in many ways to a confident person. From sexual attraction to platonic friendship attraction, here are a few reasons why confidence is so attractive, and where it applies.
The Onus is on a Man
This may be a gendered part of our society that is currently changing, but it’s largely still expected that if you’re a heterosexual man, the burden is on you to talk to a woman, ask her out, and continue initiating phases of the relationship. Cockiness (and not confidence) can be someone’s quick downfall. Cocky guys may believe they can send a woman inappropriate messages or do an inappropriate thing to get their attention, but that rarely works, and it comes across as creepy, disrespectful, or both. A confident man, meanwhile, counts on his personality and communication skills to engage with people he may be interested in.
Confidence Relaxes Someone
When you’re around someone who is confident, you can feel a little more relaxed – conversation may flow more naturally, and things may go more smoothly. When on a date with someone who doesn’t seem to know what they are doing or the conversation is awkward or forced, you’d likely rather leave the date early rather than sticking around. The tension can feel uncomfortable and make it harder to want to continue with the date or want to see them again. An aura of confidence can make someone comfortable and want to continue seeing you.
A Confident Person Makes Someone Feel Valued
It can feel good to be approached by someone that exudes confidence. If you’re approached by someone who lacks confidence, you may feel more like a crutch or being more needed than desired. Confident people can also build up your self-esteem and confidence by encouraging you in conversation or in activities that you otherwise may not have considered.
How to Be More Confident
You don’t need to have a silver tongue or be overly charismatic to be confident; you can embrace your quirks and individualities and still be confident. Here are a few ways you can work towards being more confident.
Practice Taking Risks
One of the ways to improve your confidence is to take risks. Apply to the job you’ve been eyeing and list your best qualities. Introduce yourself to someone you’ve never met before. Book those tickets for that trip you’ve been wanting to take. Demonstrating a confident attitude is the first step to building and maintaining confidence. While confidence does require a little bit of “fake it till you make it,” really try to live in those risk-taking moments as well.
Taking risks can be challenging. If you fail, don’t let that ruin your run towards confidence. Change the attitude and mindset around failure and use that to your advantage – learn from your mistakes and try again. That could greatly contribute to your confidence, especially if you succeed on a subsequent attempt.
Posture is Important
Posture is key when it comes to body language and projecting confidence. Avoid slouching, and keep your chin up and shoulders back. Face people that talk with you squarely, and look them in the eyes directly. Top these postures off with a smile, and you can come across as confident.
If you want to dress to be confident, it’s important to strike the right balance. Wearing a suit and tie when you take a date to the movies or lunch is overboard, but wearing a stained shirt and ripped shorts isn’t good, either. Dress for the right occasion.
Be Your Best Self
Being confident doesn’t mean that you act like someone you’re not. If you pretend to be someone you’re not, this can end up backfiring. You may end up unhappy, or your facade may fall apart with time. It’s important that you be the most authentic version of yourself as possible, and be confident in who you truly are.
Don’t Be Afraid to Seek Help
If you still don’t know how to be confident, consider talking to a counselor. They can help you identify your strengths, and if needed, work on ways to ease social interactions. It’s important to work with a mental health professional that can understand you on a more personal level.
Confidence is challenging, but by showing it, you can attract people you might never have approached before. Don’t overthink it, but also don’t underplay it. Confidence is about striking the right balance and is a continual learning process.
This is a featured post by site sponsor Better Help.
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